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Original poster

Anyone awake - struggling to sleep

17 replies

Iusedtobedontcall · 21/02/2023 23:24

I’m not coping very well. We had a MMC and recently had a TFMR of a much wanted baby. DH doesn’t want to try again and he’s right - we are too old and I have dc and so does he, we just don’t have one together.

But I can’t stop crying. I feel detached from everything and like I have nothing to live for.

Which is silly as I have lovely teens and a lovely DH if I’ll allow him to support me. I’m pushing everyone away and finding it really difficult to be around the dsc at the moment too.

OP posts:
ZeppelinTits · 21/02/2023 23:26

Didn't want to read and run. I'm so sorry, giving you a hand to hold and hoping you can find some rest tonight.

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 21/02/2023 23:28

Thank you - it helps just to chat I think. It’s a lonely time, especially when everyone else is asleep.

OP posts:
LuckyDipForTheEuro · 21/02/2023 23:32

You must be in shock from these traumatic experiences - it's unlikely that anything is going to feel normal and it might be hard to cope with anything in a normal way. Pushing people away is something we all do when we're in defensive mode - even though it's the universe that's hurt us. I'm really sorry for your losses - you're grieving and need some time and space and it's alright and normal to be angry about it and sad and emotional - sleep will come - just physically rest if you can, even if you're not asleep.

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 21/02/2023 23:35

Thank you. I’m really angry too - DH has gone back to work today and I’m angry that he can carry on as normal.

I was angry that FIL popped round without notice to see the dsc today. I’m angry that everyone is normal and I’m not and I feel I won’t be normal again.

I was so excited to be pregnant and to meet our little girl.

OP posts:
Jodielou5972 · 21/02/2023 23:38

If they are teens and husband is obviously an adult. Could you not express this a little? Say something along the lines..
"I'm really sorry we're going through this and I know you want to support me but right now I need some alone time to think and process my own feelings. I don't want to hurt you, at the moment I might snap or lash out or ignore you, but I'm just grieving and will come to you when I'm ready. Thank you for being my support and I know you are there, that helps"
Even if you cannot express this in person, just send a text. I sometimes find it easier to write than talk so I often text my wife or write a letter.

Eatentoomanyroses · 21/02/2023 23:38

I’m sorry. I really resented the stepkids after my miscarriage. It’s the grief. Maybe it’s raw at the moment and you can revisit trying again. How old are you both op?

MeinKraft · 21/02/2023 23:39

I am so sorry for your loss. Maybe with time, and healing, you can both think about what you want to do next Flowers

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 21/02/2023 23:40

I’m not showing any anger around the teens at all - they aren’t really aware. It’s DH getting the brunt of it. He does try to understand but it’s hard for him too. I’ve sent him a load of messages to his phone to read when he wakes up.

OP posts:
LuckyDipForTheEuro · 21/02/2023 23:41

It's so desperately unfair. When things happen, like those that have happened to you how else can we feel but angry and sad? Angry and sad are small words but I have said before that "sad" is such a little word but it plumbs the deepest depths and can encompass us. I understand x

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 21/02/2023 23:41

I’m 42 and DH is 40. He thinks that we would end up having the same trauma again if we tried once more and it’s not something he really wants anyway. I know it would be pushing it at my age and I just need to accept it. I’m just struggling to do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 21/02/2023 23:42

I’m shocked at this absolute fury I feel - it’s a real rage. It just feels so cruel and unfair.

OP posts:
LuckyDipForTheEuro · 21/02/2023 23:48

Night time always makes things worse. You can respond, say, do anything you want but perhaps (as I say to myself when I'm as tightly stretched as a piano wire) - do it tomorrow morning. For now rest yourself.

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 21/02/2023 23:50

That’s good advice.
I feel silly because I booked lots of beauty treatments to try to feel better and of course none of it can. It was really hard today to try to make conversation with the nail lady because I just don’t feel normal.

OP posts:
LuckyDipForTheEuro · 21/02/2023 23:53

I think beauty treatments are a good thing. Every little helps x I'm sure they won't mind if you're not chatting and you have lovely nails and it was a positive thing to get out of the house and take care of yourself - bloody well done x

Original poster
Iusedtobedontcall · 22/02/2023 00:04

They are very nice nails. I’m just going through the motions of what might make me feel better at the moment but not really sure what will help.

OP posts:
Shallysally · 22/02/2023 00:13

It’s not silly at all. We do what we feel we need to do to have some semblance of normality. That isn’t a bad thing, it’s good to have a distraction but remember to be kind to yourself.
You need to have the time to grieve, whatever stage you are at.

Do you feel ready to think about buying a beautiful rose bush or similar to plant? Or some other memorial piece for your baby?

LuckyDipForTheEuro · 22/02/2023 00:17

You sound like you're really managing things and doing what needs to be done to look after yourself- even though everything is crap and you're feeling so low and horrible. That takes a lot of courage x

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