Did you ever 'settle' in a relationship?

[NoEffingWay]

I'll go first...I married a man who on paper was a good fit. He was smart, had a steady job, drove a car, had a degree, read books, had interests, and was okay looking.

He never 'grabbed' my attention but I had years of failed relationships, with unsuitable men and it felt a bit 'now or never' in terms of having a child, a marriage and all the trappings of modern life.

I was so bored, so fed up, so 'blah'. We had a child together and he was an indifferent father, so after 8 years of utter boredom I left, took my son with me and have never been more scared or happier all at the same time.

Good for you op. I couldn't live with utter boredom. My dh doesn't exactly set the world on fire and I do settle in some ways. I prefer to see it as compromising though. I don't think you're ever going to get someone who is 100% perfect in all areas so you will undoubtedly have to settle/compromise sometimes.

But utter boredom sounds pretty miserable so you did the right thing to leave. There has to be some positives to the relationship otherwise what's the point?

Not in the end and I have met someone awesome but my clock is ticking and I got pretty damn close to 'settling' with one of a few options. All genuinely decent men- kind, successful, keen, just bugger all in common. I really understand why you did but am so glad I didn't.

This was a few years ago now, and I have met someone now who on paper wouldn't be ideal but we are just amazing together. Life is more complicated and a bit more frantic but about a 1000 times more fun. He made me realise how little I laughed for so many years.

Yes. After a short abusive marriage, left with a young baby and didn't date for several years. Having started dating again and feeling like, if I wanted a 'complete family', my biological clock was ticking. I decided there were certain 'criteria' I thought I needed to find in a man. That was probably a mistake but felt sensible at the time. Found someone I thought was a good fit, but fundamentally it wasn't enough. We had a happy time initially, but he was not intellectually my equal and didn't have any ambition or drive... or generally manage with 'life' all that well. I ended up carrying most everything in our family dynamic, financial load, mental load etc... and in the end lost any respect for him. Settling wasn't a good thing. I was so relieved to return to being a single parent after far too many years of struggling with all his issues and the resulting chaos.

I think I settled with my ex husband. (Currently in the early stages of divorce)

I was like you op, I wanted to get married and have children. He was a smart guy, decent looking, sensible and reliable.

But over the years I’ve realised we don’t have any common interests. We don’t laugh or have good conversation.

@todaystoday one of the few good things to come out of it, is that he remained largely decent throughout the divorce, he has moved on too and we are both happier people.

I picked badly for me, but he wasn't a bad guy as it were.