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Work Help Needed - Meeting with Boss Today!

7 replies

FeelingWorthlessAtWork · 21/02/2023 10:25

I have a chat with my boss today to discuss my career plans within my current department. I work in the NHS and in a senior admin/support role where opportunities for other jobs are rarely coming up under this 'job family'.

I have an interview next week but no one knows. It is a step up on the banding I am on currently and is in something which, having been in the role I am in now, does interest me.
My issue is the team I work with. We are a small team – less than a dozen, a few staff have left (the ones I got on very well with) recently due to new opportunities, I am one of the youngest (I am in my 30’s), but the older members of the team are horrible.

One of them in particular made a comment to me when I announced my pregnancy in 2021 –saying she thinks I will use my pregnancy as an excuse to make mistakes in my job and having never been in that position before, nor did she ever want to, did say congratulations. I called her out on that at the time, told her it was an unacceptable comment and all she could say was ‘ok’. Things have gotten worse with her to the point I hear her making snide comments about me. I have heard her and called her out on it. She ignores me and says nothing. Her and another colleague mimic me (both in their late 50’s). The other colleague gaslights me, doesn’t allocate proper work to me, when I’m asked to do something by my boss, he will turn around an hour later and say, “Oh I just went ahead and did it to make sure it was done”, yet moans so much he is floored with work. He is a proven liar – claims he knows all these celebs, how rich he is etc. It’s boring listening to it all day. Both have made comments to me in the past that I don't work work to my current banding and how I expect preferential treatment (I asked for examples on how so and it was shrugged off. FWIW, with whatever work I get allocated, even if it is the most basics of jobs, I give it my all. I have had many staff compliment me on my quality of work so I know there are no issues with that - plus my boss seems happy with what I produce)

Back to the main point, so my career chat later with my boss – she is lovely. New in the department and doesn’t want to focus on the negativities that happened before her time and wants to look ahead. She wants to know my career aspirations as I have recently spoken to her about doing a Prince2 course in Project Management. I am happy to fund it myself, but NHS does offer bursaries and if that’s the case, I might look at doing the foundation and practitioner course opposed to doing just the foundation course. Problem is for me, I am at breaking point being in this department. I suffer from anxiety, and it is taking my all for me every day coming into this office where I am bitched about, mimicked, and then ignored to my face. It’s horrible. I want to say to my boss that I don’t think it’s right I go for the bursary at present and shelf my course as I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be in a department where I am bullied and I don’t want to work with colleagues whose response to me wanting to sort things out between us is “I’m not interested, raise a grievance against me” (the woman who made the comment about my pregnancy)

It has all gotten worse since I came back from maternity leave last year. If I hadn’t just reached an absence trigger last week (I am a migraine sufferer and have had 3 bad ones (most likely stress induced) since I have returned to work in November, so I have reached the 3rd absence which starts a monitoring period), then I would have just got signed off with stress and not come back until I had a new job, but as I am applying for new jobs and now have an interview, I don’t want to ruin my chances as one of the reference questions is how many absences have I had in the last 2 years. It really takes my all to come into the office every day. I honestly feel worthless. I opened up in a team building day about this and I was ignored by all except the new boss who said I shouldn’t be coming into work feeling like this and nothing has come of it since.
What should I do? Come clean with my boss on how I am feeling, knowing nothing will change, or just put on a brave face, hope I am successful in next weeks interview, and just keep the head down then have the chat if I don’t get this new job? My boss doesn’t know about the interview for the new job – I took the day off on annual leave so she wouldn’t find out (would know once I tell her if I am successful).

Sorry if this is a ramble, I am typing as fast as I can whilst I'm meant to be making a cuppa!

OP posts:
FeelingWorthlessAtWork · 21/02/2023 10:44

Anyone?

OP posts:
Auntiedear · 21/02/2023 10:59

I think this are two separate issues which you need to raise with your boss. The bullying and your career aspirations.

It is unacceptable for you to be treated this way by your colleagues and your boss has a responsibility to tackle it - if you haven't already be sure to make a note of all this instances.

When I've asked for support for additional qualifications I've been clear to outline what benefits they will bring to my current role (as opposed to just focusing on career development).

However, I think considering the team you are working with your priority should be to try and move if possible. When do you hear back about your interview?

FeelingWorthlessAtWork · 21/02/2023 11:09

Auntiedear · 21/02/2023 10:59

I think this are two separate issues which you need to raise with your boss. The bullying and your career aspirations.

It is unacceptable for you to be treated this way by your colleagues and your boss has a responsibility to tackle it - if you haven't already be sure to make a note of all this instances.

When I've asked for support for additional qualifications I've been clear to outline what benefits they will bring to my current role (as opposed to just focusing on career development).

However, I think considering the team you are working with your priority should be to try and move if possible. When do you hear back about your interview?

The interview is next week and usually hear back within a day or two.

I have raised the bullying sooo many times, but honestly nothing happens. I just can't cope with it anymore.

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FeelingWorthlessAtWork · 21/02/2023 11:52

anyone able to offer any other advice?

OP posts:
FeelingWorthlessAtWork · 21/02/2023 12:43

anyone please?

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Auntiedear · 21/02/2023 13:53

How did you raise the bullying? Was it with your old boss?

Have you had your meeting with your new boss yet? Are you a member of a union?

I honestly think getting out is the best thing for you, so concentrate your efforts on applications etc.

FeelingWorthlessAtWork · 21/02/2023 14:06

Auntiedear · 21/02/2023 13:53

How did you raise the bullying? Was it with your old boss?

Have you had your meeting with your new boss yet? Are you a member of a union?

I honestly think getting out is the best thing for you, so concentrate your efforts on applications etc.

Last boss didn't do anything about it.

New boss who is brilliant in her profession, very knowledgeable, has said they want to look to the future and not spend anytime focusing on what happened before. :(

Not part of a union, but I do have an employee director I can speak to.

I have tried to offer mediation but been shot down and told to just go straight to grievance process. I have spoken to HR who have too said to raise a grievance. I note everything down. Sometimes it feels so childish... :(

I have no option but to leave I think once I have another job lined up. I couldn't afford to leave without another job. I also worry what implications may be if I am signed off with my anxiety due to this. I've already hit a trigger with my migraines so I don't want to make it worse for myself.

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