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Original poster

What do you think about this will?

125 replies

GlassTumbler · 20/02/2023 21:12

Man dies aged 81.

He has 5 children aged 54, 48, 32, 30, 28.

The first 2 children are from his first marriage.

The next 3 children are from his second marriage. He was married to someone 17 years younger than him for 35 years. She was 65 when he died.

He left everything in his will (£650,000 house, savings and generous pensions) to his wife. She was able to downsize a bit (to a £500,000 house) and live comfortably off everything else.

She is leaving everything in her will to her 3 children (the 32, 30 and 28 year old).

The only grand children this man had when he died were the 2 children of the 48 year old from his first marriage. He left them £5,000 each. But nothing to their parent or the older sibling.

Would appreciate any general thoughts! Thanks so much.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 20/02/2023 22:28

He was married to his wife for thirty five years, and left everything to her. I don’t see a problem there.

The problem is with his wife. She disinherited the older children, not the dh. If the dh wanted (any of) the children in his will, he should have stipulated it. He did not favour one set of children over the other, his wife did.

Keepfocused · 20/02/2023 22:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Zipps · 20/02/2023 22:31

A huge amount of Mirror wills where there are step family members get changed immediately after the funeral.

SpottyBalloons · 20/02/2023 22:34

I think it was really shit of him, and shit of her also.

sunshineandshowers40 · 20/02/2023 22:39

It's awful and unfair but I think it is quite common, maybe your dad wrongly assumed his wife would leave everything to all his children. I'm surprised he left anything to his DGC, which again might show that he thought his wife's actions would be different.

I would struggle to process this.

ijustneedanamefgs · 20/02/2023 22:43

Well half of it I assume was hers anyway? So her half should go to her kids, his half should go to all 5

lljkk · 20/02/2023 22:44

it sucks, OP. I reckon it will happen to me, indirectly, & I accept it. Has happened in one form or another all over corners of my extended family.

OutofEverything · 20/02/2023 22:50

It depends how the assets were amassed. It may be her money paid for the house.

Dacadactyl · 20/02/2023 22:56

It would depend, I suppose. If his ex wife (your mother) went on to marry again and there are no children from her 2nd marriage, I can see why he would leave the kids from his first marriage out. They will inherit from her 2nd marriage, perhaps?

Also, if the 52 and 48 yo are in a good financial position, I can see why he may have done it.

It wouldn't necessarily be how I'd have done it, but I can see the rationale if the above conditions are met.

YummyCookie · 20/02/2023 22:57

We thought DH was going to be in this position. His DM died suddenly without a will. She had been remarried for 14 years, she had 3 grown up children, he had 2 grown up children. After she died he made a will and included all of the children in it. Half to his kids and half to her kids. There are some decent people still. Obviously we know he could potentially change the will, but have to hope he doesn't!

EalingW13 · 20/02/2023 23:05

Really awful, but very common. Has happened twice in my family and once in DH’s. For this reason I’m planning to write my will in such a way that my half of our joint money goes to my DH in trust for his lifetime, and after his death it will go to our 2 DC. I hope he will do the same (although I’d have no plans to remarry if he predeceases me — unlikely as he is quite a bit older).

Coyoacan · 20/02/2023 23:05

Well, first of all, after 35 years of marriage, half the house was hers and she could well have contributed a good whack to the savings.

Secondly, did she get much help from the step-children to look after when his health started to fail?

OdeToBarney · 20/02/2023 23:12

For all of those talking about life interests, I hope you've had good IHT advice. The value of the life interest Trust is counted in the beneficiaries estate for IHT purposes. I know because I've just paid a £60k IHT bill on a life interest Trust relating to a house a relative lived in for less than 2 years after the owner died.

OP it's totally crap from a human perspective but I wonder if it's been done in the most tax efficient way? This way tax will only become due once the wife dies - and she will have the benefit of his nil rate band also. Which will make a massive difference when it comes to dividing her estate. Some people will do everything to avoid paying IHT, even if the consequences are dire. Assuming of course you are in England.

Teenagehorrorbag · 20/02/2023 23:14

Interested to hear views.

I'm in a potentially similar position. DM died 30 years ago and my DF was devastated. My siblings and I had all left home, and he struggled along for some time before eventually marrying my stepmother, who is considerably younger and had two children at uni. Before that he was very lonely and didn't look after himself, would ring regularly just to talk to someone - we were pleased he had found someone.

We've never discussed finances and it's completely up to him what he chooses to do with his will. I suppose we are lucky that I and my siblings are all reasonably OK financially, but I think there would be some resentment if he leaves everything to his wife, unencumbered. Of course she deserves everything as his spouse of nearly 20 years (as of now) but if she were then to leave it all to her children and grandchildren I will feel miffed. Not sure why - and maybe I'm just a horrible grabby person - but I don't see why her (very lovely) children should get everything at our expense? An equal split would be fine. Just human nature I suppose. Time will tell......

AmandaHoldensLips · 20/02/2023 23:18

I think it's a really shitty thing to do to your kids. But it happens a lot.

cortisolqueen · 20/02/2023 23:31

Really tight of him not to make allowances for all of his kids.

Completely selfish of her to completely exclude kids she'll have known for so many years.

I'd like to think they younger siblings would insist it's split 5 ways when their mum dies (although I don't know how this would need to be set up).

Is the wife still alive Op? It sounds from your post that relationships are strained.

Fifthtimelucky · 20/02/2023 23:31

AllWorkYoPlait · 20/02/2023 21:26

My father will do this to me and my sister. He will die intestate and has contributed for years to a house that he isn't on the deeds of. He's unmarried.

Everything will pass to my half siblings and their half siblings.

We are also somewhat screwed due to the set up of our mothers affairs and find ourselves surrounded by half and step siblings who stand to inherit six figure sums.

It's a real source of resentment to be honest.

I'm not a lawyer but my understanding is that if your father dies intestate and isn't married or in a civil partnership, his estate is divided equally between all his children (assuming that you're in England)

Or did you mean that he won't have anything to leave because he has spent all his money contributing to a house that he doesn't own?

Pureradio · 20/02/2023 23:43

I think

Zwicky · 21/02/2023 00:05

If the surviving spouse remarries and pre-deceases her new husband then there is a good chance that the 5 dc won’t get anything at all.
I have a friend whose mothers wedding ring and other personal stuff ended up with her dad’s second wife’s second husbands children.

InsertMoniker · 21/02/2023 00:14

Very sad for the older children, but not uncommon and nowt to be done about it

This happened to my neighbour's children. They were both widowed. She sold her house and married him and moved in. She died so he was left with the house and all money. He then died and it all went to his only daughter (who was already pretty well off). Her two children got nothing.

CKL987 · 21/02/2023 00:20

Depends on the relationships but if all was happy then wife 2 is a CF.

Strawberries007 · 21/02/2023 00:22

This is something that is likely to happen to me. My dad and mum built our family home together but sadly she passed away leaving two of us. My dad remarried. His new wife lived in the house and had 3 children. They emigrated about 5yrs later and bought a house which they paid for the mortgage together. Decades later she passed away (last year).

My dad says he's leaving the house he built with my mum to all of his children but the one he bought with my step mum will be for just his 3 with my step-mum. My dad abandoned myself and my other sibling in our home country to live with others and didn't cater for us at all. However, we're doing well and my Faith means I prefer to forgive him and still have a loving relationship with him.

However, I'm so disappointed that he would split the only property my had left for my sibling and I with the other three. This property is worth less than 30% of the house he owns with my step-mum so it's not really about the monetary value but what it stand for. To top it up, my mum also had a piece of land but my dad didn't fence it so it got encroached on and even when a family friend who bought next door made representations to him warning him of the danger of loosing the land he didn't attempt to secure it; though he was quite unwell at the time.

Anyways, I say the above to show that it seems many men act in this way. It's a shame.

Appleblum · 21/02/2023 00:22

It's a tale as old as time I'm afraid. It's not right but what can you do. It happened to my mom and it has really soured the relationship between the siblings and the step siblings.

Strawberries007 · 21/02/2023 00:49

@Appleblum it's heart-breaking. In his old age he wants to be cherished; I was doing this until he made his intentions known. I told him how inequitable it is to do that; he muttered something about that's what he thinks he should do.

So now I don't hang around more than 15mins on the phone when I ring him. So sad.

MrsMikeDrop · 21/02/2023 01:22

GlassTumbler · 20/02/2023 21:31

I'm not really asking from a legal point of view because we all know what the legalities are. Just generally, just as a human, what are your thoughts? that's what I was asking.

I think the relationship with the kids is a factor, if the you ger kids spent time with him and looked after him then I think it's fair. But all things being equal, then all children should get an extra share