Not allowed to see child, is there more to it?

[Baltiriceandchips]

My cousin is in a relationship with someone who isn’t allowed to see his dc. They have spent thousands going back and forth to court but all he’s allowed is a phone call and a monthly letter. He maintains that his ex has poisoned the child (11) against him which is why the courts won’t push for more as it’s not in the best interests of the child.
I know he has done drugs in the past, on weekends out. I think my cousin does them too and they like a drink recreationally.
They are both in responsible jobs. Part of me wonders though, if courts would take such a hard stance, denying access to a father, unless there was something more behind it.

I wonder if he’s telling her the same old “my ex is crazy” story or if it is normal for courts to refuse access if the child doesn’t want to see their dad. He had access in the beginning but the ex stopped it when he got into a relationship.
I just don’t want my cousin being hurt, or forking out any more money, time or stress for a man who is hiding something.

It's very rare for courts to refuse access to a parent.

There's that law that she can look to disclose any previous violent convictions if any use?

It's very rare a parent isn't allowed to see their child, and they wouldn't do it without concrete evidence and certainly don't go off hear say.

Either he kept failing his drugs tests, or he's violent or there's something more. She needs to be running in the opposite direction.

My children's father was abusive, unreliable with contact and failed drug tests. Court still allowed unsupervised overnight access. It must be something very serious for access to be denied by the courts, she needs to look into his background.

She needs to knock him on the head. And the drugs if she’s doing them. Avoid losers and binge drinking in future.

There's something more, and probably something quite serious if there is no in-person contact at all.

I suggest she does a Clare's law and Sarah's law request on him. You can also do them on her behalf!

I know parents who do recreational drugs. They are allowed to both see and even look after their child.

I know parents who are functioning alcoholics - though they don't drive when they are drunk. They are allowed to both see and look after their child.

The fact this guy doesn't means there is evidence of him abusing his child in some way. Courts don't keep children away from their parents lightly. (Though when the child is around 11 they can refuse to see their parent.)

Your cousin needs to dump and move on.

"The ex poisoned the kids against him"... far more likely he's been abusive and there's hard evidence of it.

Waste of time.

He isn't good news.

She needs to dump and move on.

@shorttwoshot same here , it takes something very serious for the courts to deny access.
Even the worse fathers get supervised access, so he must have done something truly awful.

This is what I feared, I thought it would be highly unusual, especially after all the effort they’ve gone to to have access. There’s no way she will leave him unfortunately. She always picks these types of men.

If your cousin has children, I'd be reporting to SS.

Did he have access before dating your cousin, or is that just what he's told her?

I'd advise Claire's law. If you have kids I'd want to know for them too.

There is definitely more to it. Even quite abusive fathers are allowed supervised access.

Or it could be that he just hasn't bothered to see his child but doesn't want to say so? This is very common.

No other children involved thank god. She is so lovely and so bloody naive! She is an easy target for losers.

It's very unusual, I'd keep a really close eye on your cousin because somewhere down the line she is going to need your support

Would you cousin actually listen, there could be a massive poster with flashing lights and a laser show saying 'avoid them' and people still won't listen

You can try or course

Does your cousin actually go to court/solicitors with him? Id assume he was taking the money and feeding back to her about how badly its going.

Just for the sake of argument - if an 11 year old refused to see his or her dad, would the courts push for it?
I suppose what I mean is - is there any chance he's telling the truth? What exactlý does he mean by 'not allowed' ? Does this instruction come from the courts, or the child, or the child's mother?
Sorry, don't know much about this sort of situation, just wondering. I would certainly check it out OP.

If it has been repeatedly back to court, it could well be the mother withholding access, for whatever reason. Parental alienation is a real issue and at 11 they will tell a parent what they want to hear if they know they are unhappy.

That said, If they both do drugs it won't help. There may well be more to it, I'd be wary.

@Reugny - It is reckless to suggest that these laws are a waste of time. Anyone can do them and they can and do provide vital information to safeguard women and children.

Did he have access before dating your cousin, or is that just what he's told her?

I'd advise Claire's law. If you have kids I'd want to know for them too.

This.
Was the court business before he met your cousin ? Or does your cousin have first hand experience of it all? I would be querying whether she is just trusting what he is telling her if it was prior to the relationship starting. Is any of the court story true at all,did this even happen.
Or is he just a shit dad who doesn't see his child and is trying to say it's down to the courts instruction.

I know courts take time to sort matters in some cases. But if it's over and all decided, then I'd be wondering if he failed a court ordered drug test 😬 they're ok with a bit, or certain drugs. But they generally do a hair strand test for court, if it shows regular use of a concerning substance and with an allegation of poor behaviour due to it. Then that's one reason why.

The other is if there is a safe guarding concern, which if courts over and no contact means it's proven true.

I think those are the only reasons no contact given as usually courts strive for it. Even if a kid is poisoned they are generally visited in a contact centre and encouraged. So it sounds a wee bit dodgy

s any of the court story true at all,did this even happen.
Or is he just a shit dad who doesn't see his child and is trying to say it's down to the courts instruction.

This would be my guess - but let's face it, either way he's an absolute bottom feeder whom your cousin should be giving a wide berth.

The court stuff has been done together, it’s definitely happening. Has been for the last two years. End result, after psychological evaluations too, one letter a month from his ex, telling him what his son has been doing with school, hobbies etc and one phone-call which hasn’t happened as the child doesn’t want to.