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Original poster

Do you leave your teens to chill for the week if you've got nothing planned?

25 replies

Heathcote294 · 19/02/2023 20:22

DS is 14. DH is working this week but I'm off. Unfortunately DS has hit the age where he doesn't want to be seen with me, most of his friends are away on holiday.

He's doing 2 mornings of voluntary work and he'll go to the gym once. He does come with me to walk the dog and we'll have a family day out somewhere on Sunday but other than that he'll be on screens.

Should I leave him to it or suggest he organises something with his friends who are home? They're all a bit hopeless at organising themselves.

Just finding this age a bit tricky as I'd normally plan days out/play dates etc but obviously can't do that anymore.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 19/02/2023 20:25

Absolutely I leave them to it. 14 & 12. We have so many activities term time, plenty of family holidays, so if there's nothing on, and I'm mostly at work anyway, yes, they're left to chill and sort themselves out. I don't know what they did Mon- weds this week as I was at work, and then we went to the beach and stayed in a hotel for 3 days.

StillWantingADog · 19/02/2023 20:26

Mine are a bit younger - two of them which helps- but I sympathise. Mine will still do stuff with me but can’t see it lasting much longer.

it sounds like he has a fair amount of stuff to do tbh. I think they do need to chill/decompress to some degree.

I’d personally invite the friends round if you can as for some reason I am happier about ds gaming in person than remotely from opposite sides of town! Or see if he can go to his pals and offer lifts

ChicaneOvenchips · 19/02/2023 20:26

Mine have just had half term. My DD is 14 and has spent most of the week chilling, but I did force encourage her to contact a friend and arrange to meet up, otherwise she would not have had any contact with people her own age.

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Families

DancingDaughter50 · 19/02/2023 20:33

They are so busy at school and it's a sensory assault isn't it!

Let them relax, gcse coming up soon...

TeenLifeMum · 19/02/2023 20:34

My 14 yo does dog walks with me but not much else. She had one day out in a city and went to a gig but rest of the time played computer games or watched Netflix. She needed some down time.

AliMonkey · 19/02/2023 20:37

I insist that they need to get some exercise and fresh air every day (though let them off the fresh air if pouring with rain all day), so if they won't do that on their own or with friends (and DS never will, DD occasionally meets up with friends) then they have to do it with one of us - often just a walk (or walk to a cafe for lunch) in my lunch hour, or one of us takes the afternoon off and we go somewhere a bit further or eg have a game of tennis or crazy golf. Got one raking leaves in the garden the other day when they didn't want to go out for a walk! One DC has mocks after half-term so also has to do some revision, but rest of time they can just chill.

MaireadMcSweeney · 19/02/2023 20:38

100% leave him to it.

Mmmpizza · 19/02/2023 20:39

Watching with interest.

Ds 14 doesn't want to do anything with me, but I've also got a younger one to keep occupied. Always feel guilty going off and leaving eldest at home.

I'll try to coax him out for a walk and hoping he meets with a friend one day but I expect he'll be mostly lazing around.

WinterCarlisle · 19/02/2023 20:40

Mine are 16, 14 and 11. The younger two swam everyday. We had a couple of days out, daily dog walks and the usual dentist / orthodontist trips. Other than that a lot of screens and chilling! The older one has mocks next week so has studied loads / had tuition. The middle one is super sociable so he’s spent time with a few friends.

This time of year is brutal: they’re tired, there’s still bugs flying around and although the weather has been ok it’s still only Feb.

MargaretThursday · 19/02/2023 20:40

Yes, leave them to it. I know I need time to chill and do nothing. Why should teens be anything different?

Fair enough to offer something (breakfast at Toby Carvery goes down well with my 15yo) but not to hassle.

My 15yo spent Monday - Wednesday on screens just chilling. Thursday and Friday he went to London with his (big)sister to watch some shows then on Saturday he organised himself to go and play football with friends.

So he had a varied week at his choice. If I'd been hassling him to go out he'd have probably spent far longer in his room and been very grumpy when he did come out.

Adrelaxzz · 19/02/2023 20:41

With mine I still set a relaxed screen limit (about 3 hours a day) and encourage them to do non screen stuff the rest of the time.
Last week DS was off school he is 15. He had friends over for a board game night, cooked a cake, read books, slept for fucking hours, walked the dogs a couple of times, cooked stew and dumplings (tasty!), Pretended to tidy his room, taught me to play Zelda on his Switch, went to the gym most days, had a sleepover at a mates, walked into town and walked around town, went on a bike ride, played football and basketball in the park, drew an anime picture, played chess with his brother and went for a haircut. He also did a bit of homework.

Adrelaxzz · 19/02/2023 20:42

That is far better than me at 15. I think I probably went to the park, got pissed on cider, had a spliff and snogged some boys 😁

Roterosen · 19/02/2023 20:42

At age 14 they definitely want and need to plan their own things or just chill. Leave him be, especially as half term is just a week.

Adrelaxzz · 19/02/2023 20:44

Though I stand by not letting them just go on screens for hours. I think getting pissed in the park is probably better for their long term mental health than only socialising through gaming.

Original poster

Heathcote294 · 19/02/2023 20:45

Thanks everyone. I'll leave him to it. Good idea to take him out for breakfast, DH could come with us before work.

I feel so redundant and my friends all have much younger DC so I don't particularly want to tag along to soft play.

Part of this is me not knowing what to do with myself either!

OP posts:

Original poster

Heathcote294 · 19/02/2023 20:50

Adrelaxzz · 19/02/2023 20:44

Though I stand by not letting them just go on screens for hours. I think getting pissed in the park is probably better for their long term mental health than only socialising through gaming.

He doesn't only socialise via gaming, it's just that most of his friends are away this week. There's a middle ground between getting pissed in the park and gaming!

OP posts:

Theelephantinthecastle · 19/02/2023 20:52

Does he have any chores?

Starlightstarbright1 · 19/02/2023 20:52

I am working (Lp) I am painting his room on my days off so have little jobs for him each day to prepare.. he had GCSE’s coming up so needs to do some revision..but otherwise leave him to it.

Original poster

Heathcote294 · 19/02/2023 20:55

Theelephantinthecastle · 19/02/2023 20:52

Does he have any chores?

Nothing specific but he helps around the house whenever I ask.

OP posts:

Adrelaxzz · 19/02/2023 20:56

Heathcote294 · 19/02/2023 20:50

He doesn't only socialise via gaming, it's just that most of his friends are away this week. There's a middle ground between getting pissed in the park and gaming!

Show quote history

I agree! My kids are far more wholesome than I ever was (or am😁).
It's hard when all their friends are away, I still encourage a lot of non screen time. As think it's good for them in the long run to be a bit bored. I love gaming but it mangles your head after a couple of hours.

Theelephantinthecastle · 19/02/2023 20:57

Heathcote294 · 19/02/2023 20:55

Nothing specific but he helps around the house whenever I ask.

Show quote history

Maybe get him to do some bigger jobs if he has time like gardening etc

wetotter · 19/02/2023 20:58

Generally, leave then to it.

But I do nag ask then to walk the dog (good for then to get outside, as well as to vegetate) and to be person in charge of dog if I want to go out of an evening

Winecrispschocolatecats · 07/04/2023 13:05

DH and I usually leave ours to it. DS (14) absolutely needs the down time to relax and recharge. DD (13) is inclined to laze around but will allow herself to be dragged out occasionally or make plans to see friends. They're both quite introverted by nature and allowing them time to reset after a busy term works wonders for them.

maddy68 · 07/04/2023 13:40

They need their chill time

Leave them be

Naimee87 · 07/04/2023 14:37

I leave mine to chill! 😌and i’ll walk the dog, run/workout at home go shopping, meet friends for a quick coffee/invite them
over. Have you got any hobbies? I’ve not got any younger kids so soft play/playdates no longer rule our free time(yay!) I have to study for a new part-time job so do that as well when DS is gaming. I really love the calmness. Sometimes DS will join for a walk with the dog or we’ll go bowling/cinema but i let him choose. I’d hate to have a jam-packed schedule in the holidays and i reckon he would too.

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