WWYD - work/money/time with lo.

[FTMFML]

I work full time 12 hour shifts often all in a row 3 or 4. I don't see LO(1) for those days at all, I'm out the house by 7am and not in till 9pm, GP take her overnight if OH working.

I have found this much harder than I expected. She drives me to the brink of insanity when I have a full day with her but when I don't see her for days on end I do miss her terribly and the day after she clings to me (apparently looks for me/shouts for me when I am gone for a couple of days) which I feel is understandable given that she won't grasp I am at work, I just seem to disappear for a half the week?

If you could afford to would you drop your hours? With the intention to go back once LO at school.
It would affect my pension and we would need to keep a tighter budget on luxuries like eating out/days out.

This is the biggest pile of crap I’ve ever read. And I’ve read a lot of crap.

Sorry, not OP, I meant the good Amish wife above

I literally say this often! No one is going to say, on their death bed that they wish they had cleaned more, worked more so I really try to see things from this perspective more.

Oh dear. Who brainwashed you into believing that crap? What an Ignorant post.

Op yes I would drop hours especially if it's just to save money on eating out.

We cut back to the bone for about 10 years and got by very well, using vouchers, tesco club card and just not buying what we didn't need.

Her childhood will be gone in an absolute flash and you can work longer or buy back the couple of pension years where you will take a hit.

I always think unless you are going to have loads 9f children these things, are over in the blink of an eye and you have your entire life to keep working.

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers

Totally agree about teen years but early years are absolutely vital. I know it often doesn't look like much is happening with small dc and I can't think of the exact quote but I think a child can be damaged by three with poor quality care giving?

Maybe pt at the beginning, ft during primary and early seconds then pt again??

That sounds awful not seeing your dc for days. I would definitely drop hours if financially possible.

Like others have said you never get the time back. There is plenty of time later to work. I wouldn't go back to current hours when your dc starts school either.

Actually, this is not crap. It's sensible.

People choose to ridicule the things that don't suit them - but the fact is: mothers are hard-wired to look after children. Men are hard-wired to go out and kill bison.

Ridicule it all you like, but it's a biological fact. The only people who suffer from all this wishy-washy 'mums and dads are interchangeable' bollocks are their children.

Small children need their mothers. That's that. Anyone who thinks otherwise is twisting facts to suit their own circumstances (understandably, as who's going to want to admit that their choices are negatively affecting their children?)

😂😂😂 you genuinely made me lol

This reminds me of a show on the BBC recently where a father would drive out to sainsbury's, get their biggest pack of meat and smear the blood from it all over his face in the car, came back and tell his son he'd hunted some meat for the both of them. Big strong brave man! Only the son was a child so had an excuse for his total naivety

I don't know why I just lost it at killing bison 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Look, it's what all men really want to do. That's why they have Control of the Barbecue. It's all about slaying and cooking bison.

Exactly. People just don’t want to acknowledge the biological reality because it doesn’t always marry up with the modern way they would prefer to live their lives.

Oh I've had this with 12 hour shifts and it's really hard. Added to this is that I split from their dad and we are now 50/50 and it's very set days to give the kids stability. As a nurse working shifts I'd sometimes not see the kids for a week, it was 50% my ex 25% my mum and sis and I'd hopefully get the other 25%. As my kids got older this actually didn't work. I'd find diaries from my 7 yr old daughter saying she hated my job, missed her mummy. I felt I was never there for my son or daughter. It got alot worse and I managed to get a nursing job 8-6pm and now due to the shortage in nursing and I've managed to negotiate fixed days and hours so I'm not working MY days. Yes I've prob taken a hit to my pension and I'm working less hours and having to claim more UC but my kids are ALOT happier and I feel much more present in their lives. It really is hard and hopefully you can find a way to make it work with your job. My ex has also reduced hours which has had a big impact on his career but we also have a older child with learning disabilities who we are finding actually needs more care as he gets older rather than less. It's hard x

You have to do what you feel is right, OP. And also remember that if something isn’t working for you, you can always change it.

Be quiet, you foolish little woman. I'm a big strong bison hunting man with a biologically bigger size and biologically louder voice, therefore it is a biological rule that you NEVER contradict me, especially not on public forums. Naughty girl. Get back to your kitchen now to do your god given tasks, who gave you an Internet connection? Women aren't made for that – it was us men who invented the Internet.

😂😂😂 some people amuse me so much

My late DH did an excellent job of bringing up our children while I went bison hunting

This comment really grinds my gears too. How bloody wonderful that she can afford to do that and doesn’t have a job/employer that thinks 12 hr shifts are a reasonable expectation of a working parent

Unfortunately we live in London so there are severe lack of bison for my child’s father to hunt. He has to make do with urban foxes. He likes to go out and hunt, then impregnate as many fertile women as he can as we’re not hardwired for the modern social constructs of marriage and consensual sex. Then he fights off the other males and marks out his territory.

With that shift pattern it does sound like healthcare. If so, Nhs pension is obviously incredibly valuable if you can carry on.

Could you split your shifts differently so you aren’t doing 3 days straight? It may be that the 4th day is just too much so if you could guarantee just 3 days would that help?

With that pattern I’d find it easier to do eg M, T after a weekend and then maybe do a Friday so you’re never going a really long stretch without contact.

You need to do what makes you happy. If you can afford to go part time then I'd do it. Or could you look for a job with different hours?

I'm a nurse and would have to work exactly those hours if I were full time, however I'm part time so do less. Similar situation, it squeezes the budget but I want to do it to have more time with lo. If you're NHS or similar do you have a staff bank you could join so you could pick up extra shifts in the event that she adjusts in a few months time, or the odd Saturday shift is available etc. which will break up the week etc.? You might not need to wait until they're at school but at least for it now you could do a gradual transition?

Wow! There are some really appalling comments on this thread OP.

Let's hope none of those posters ever need medical treatment, an ambulance or nursing care, as presumably half of our workforce would be at home with the kids. Let's hope none of them have a preference for being treated by a female medical professional, as again those professionals would be at home with the children.

I'm not a medical professional but for financial reasons have to work long hours. Some of us don't have the luxury not to work, but still have children. For most people, the time when one parent could work and one could stay at home is a distant era. Most of our children will have to work and I think it sets a good example for them to see that both parents work hard and full time, so they know what to expect when they are adults.

Having said that, those shifts sound very hard on you. Is there a family friendly policy that might allow you a different working pattern?