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Is this setting a boundary or plainly manipulative?

6 replies

NCcaterpillar · 18/02/2023 21:38

NC obvious reasons

Sister has had MH difficulties in the past and since this is very controlling and needs things to go her way otherwise she feels very upset.

It has been particularly bad since last year when I couldn’t make one of her wedding dress fitting appointments due to being on the rota to work. She told me I needed to ‘step up’, that I had neglected her and then later that day let me know she was considering demoting me as a bridesmaid. I apologised and told her I’d make the next one but later discovered she had blocked my number and all accounts across all social media.

I attended the wedding and did lots on the day itself but she feels neglected that I didn’t do more prep with her and her friends. She has never forgiven me for this and has been extremely hostile and passive aggressive on occasions we have seen one another, like as at Christmas and such. Very much subtle bullying. I can’t understand it and have tried asking her why but it gets a massive reaction and she will turn it all round on me.

Fast forward to now. I text her every so often to check she is well, just trivial things like taking an interest in her work or how her week has gone. She has taken to refusing to text me back because she won’t accept ‘a virtual relationship’. She will only voice note when private messaging and says this is a compromise. She is not comfortable texting, as she feels she will be misinterpreted. Only wants to meet in person and would love to do anything to repair our relationship, apparently, except being decent in person. 🤔

Is this just setting a boundary or is this control? I feel over a barrel and almost further intimidated, but maybe the issue is me?!

OP posts:
NCcaterpillar · 18/02/2023 21:40

Trying to avoid drip feeding info.

I have seen her a handful of times over the past 12 months

One occasion was me suggesting a coffee and the others were larger family type events

Not once has she tried to make a plan, but will keep repeating that she wants to meet as if she expects me to.

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AnneLovesGilbert · 18/02/2023 21:46

Life is way too short for all this bs. Seriously, she sounds like way too much hard work.

What do you miss about her being in your life? I’d give her a wide berth, stop messaging her and let her stew in her own sense of self indulgent woundedness. If it wasn’t about bloody stupid dress fittings it would be something else. Stop engaging.

Are the rest of your family indulging her epic strop or are they stepping away from it?

She’s controlling, manipulative, childish, stroppy, pathetic. Her mental health is hers to manage and she’s probably damaging yours with her selfish game playing. You won’t win so stop taking part.

NCcaterpillar · 18/02/2023 21:55

thank you

@AnneLovesGilbert some are noticing more and more

She’s having a baby soon - that’s what’s stopping me giving her a wide berth!

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AnneLovesGilbert · 18/02/2023 22:29

If she’s like this now I’d expect the behaviour to ramp up like mad once the baby’s here…

Someone who strops like that over a dress fitting and pre wedding activities is going to act like her baby is the fucking messiah and you won’t be able to do anything right.

I hope I’m wrong but I’d focus on protecting yourself.

NCcaterpillar · 18/02/2023 22:55

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/02/2023 22:29

If she’s like this now I’d expect the behaviour to ramp up like mad once the baby’s here…

Someone who strops like that over a dress fitting and pre wedding activities is going to act like her baby is the fucking messiah and you won’t be able to do anything right.

I hope I’m wrong but I’d focus on protecting yourself.

Either I’ve described her well or you have met the type before, but this is exactly how she is! I think if I go often she will say I’m only interested in the baby, and if I don’t go enough she will say I barely know them and we’re a rubbish auntie/uncle etc. Thank you for your insight.

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NCcaterpillar · 19/02/2023 11:49

Anyone have any more thoughts? Feel like I need unbiased perspective… I’ve woken up feeling crummy wondering if she seriously believes I don’t care about her.

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