Can ex stop me sending DD to this club?

[BrowniesActivityDay]

DD is 8.

She does Brownies in term time and during the holidays they occasionally have activity days for all the local girlguides, they’re not compulsory so it doesn’t affect DDs Brownie place if she goes or not.

Shes been to a few and loved them. They’re cheap (about £10 for the day compared to £25 for holiday club) and it usually covers enough of the day for me to be able to work. It also includes a picnic style lunch which we just have to donate an item for (we’re told what to bring again this is optional and I can just send a packed lunch instead).

Contact is court ordered for EOWend for 1 night, and 1 night per week for tea apart from in holidays where it switches to full day on that day (so from 9am).
Except ExH has never had DD in the week, since just after the order was made. He declared that he couldn’t be bothered and has left it all to me. He still though dictates what happens that day. He asks DD what childcare I’m using and if he’s not happy he lets me know via text.

The next activity day falls on ExHs weekday. I want to send DD but I know ExH will have a problem with it as he pulled faces and told me he didn’t like the idea when I signed her up to girlguides (she did Rainbows for a year before Brownies).

Can ExH actually stop me sending DD to these things on “his” day? He won’t actually have her so I have to arrange childcare either way, but can he dictate what that childcare is?

Obviously she still has a place at my usual childcare/holiday club as these activity days are by no means regular or predictable with days - for example the last one was on a Saturday (fell on ExHs weekend so I didn't even attempt to send DD), the one before that was on a Monday (I wasn't working but sent DD anyway as she wanted to go).

Just tell your DD brownies day is Thursday, then on Tuesday night say whoops I got mixed up it's tomorrow .

He asks DD what childcare I’m using and if he’s not happy he lets me know via text.
Reply: Are you wanting to pick her up? Otherwise, this has nothing to do with you

Can ExH actually stop me sending DD to these things on “his” day? He won’t actually have her so I have to arrange childcare either way, but can he dictate what that childcare is?
Reply: fuck off sunshine, when you want to be a parent let me know

He’s a total deadbeat failure, and his family are actively helping him to avoid having to pay for his own child?

Total bunch of cunts.

What a cunt. Paying nothing towards the care of your child yet trying to dictate what she does on the day he never sees her. There’s a special place in hell for him and those like him.

Tell him to get to fuck.

Doesn’t this mean he owes more CMS?

Get thee back to court! He doesn’t get to dictate.

Op I’m annoyed for you. As a pp has said, he’s breached the court order and so doesn’t have a say. If he asks what she’s doing I wouldn’t even respond or I would just say that he doesn’t need to be informed when she is in your care. If he argues just totally ignore. People like him just love to have control. They pass it off to themselves as being a caring parent when they are anything but

He cannot dictate to you what your dd does as he refuses to have her. Your dd doesn’t need to lie, he just doesn’t get to find out til after the fact.

Honestly what an absolute nutter butter. I had to reread your post three times to check I hadn't misunderstood. No he can't dictate the activities you do when DD is in your care. Just keep a clear record he hasn't bothered to have DD as ordered and if it ever came to court it's clear that part of the order is completely out of date. Just tell me he's very welcome to collect her in the morning if he wants to arrange an alternative

Its one thing for a dad to hide his income, but I can't understand how Grandparents would facilitate their grandchild not being provided for.

If I was mum to boys (I only have 2 girls) and in the future they were co parenting, if they were not paying their fair share for any Children they have I'd be giving them a piece of my mind ...not facilitating their shityness.

I mean he's the one who's changed the order and it can be changed by mutual consent... If it's been over 4 years then that's a pretty solid arrangement and you'd expect him to give you notice of having that day back.

I'd probably send him a reply next time he asks about childcare and say "As I am solely responsible for facilitating school holiday childcare and you are neither contributing practically nor financially this conversation is pointless. Our daughter will be at an appropriate provision on the days that I am working, should you wish to assist during the next school holidays please let me know by X at which point I will be finalising arrangements"

And then I'd blank future requests about it, especially if he's just asking to be a twat. Strange thing for him to get wound up about with it being an organised activity.

Tell him even. Oops

I wouldn't tell him in advance- there is no reason to. It's also utterly despicable that his family are happy to hide his income and not help his child. To me they are almost worth than the feckless gits who hide their income. Being complicit in your grandchild missing out and supporting someone to not pay for their children is disgusting

I believe you. But I don't understand parents/grandparents enabling sons to not pay child maintenance. Don't think understand the money is for the child? I know people get twisted thinking 'I'm not paying for my ex's lifestyle' but to literally give nothing means they and he know the child isn't getting a fair deal through no fault of their own.

Are fathers (as it's usually men) so vindictive about exes they would rather pay absolutely nothing towards their child than risk the ex having slightly more to stretch between them?