If you decided on “one and done” did you regret it later?

[Embelline]

I’m at a point where I feel like I need to decide.
i have one DS who I absolutely adore, and always always planned to have two. Pregnancy was difficult for me, it was difficult to have DS and we had many false starts.
I planned to have a two year age gap originally but didn’t feel ready.

now I think I’m one and done but recently, after deciding this, I keep having moments where I have a pang of loss or regret. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve made the decision or because I am doubting my decision.

I’m 39 and always said I wanted to have had all my babies by 40 but now I just don’t know…

I was wondering if people did regret it or were really happy with their decision if it’s not too personal a question?

@Slippersandrum thats so sad. I’m sorry you felt that way.
DS is an only but he rules the roost 😂 we’ve watched Encanto more times than I can count, spend a lot of time on family walks and at the swings. I am conscious of him being an only - he’s five now - but I don’t regret it. We are a very happy threesome.
i do try to make more of an effort to ensure we have a good network around us and host lots of play dates etc so he doesn’t feel isolated.
ive noticed he’s not unusual in his class - more only children than siblings which surprised me!

@Embelline Have one lovely ( now adult ) son
I never wanted more.

Imagine having a second child who is a nightmare! It happens.
Serious behavioural issues &c .

Yes.
DD is 16 this summer and I really want another baby now but I’m only early 30s so it’s still hopeful.

I can be aregretful person but I've never ever regretted my decision to stick at one child. In a vague way it would have been kind of fun to see what other personalities and qualities my kids would have had, but in terms of lifestyle one child is ideal. Dc also never wanted or asked for a sibling.

One of the best decisions I have made

I don’t regret it at all, and I had DD at 25. Pregnancy was extremely difficult (HG) and I wouldn’t be able to cope with another whilst looking after DD. She is now 9, finances are much easier with just one, I have more time to myself to be me as well as mum. I would have loved another baby but the negatives outweighed the pros by a mile and I love my life just as it is.

I have one who is 7, and I don't regret it for a moment.

I have always wanted one and I love that live is not chaotic, she can be the centre of our focus but it still leaves time for us.

We travel so much and have done since she was a baby - it is a joy.

We don't need to make as many compromises (IMO).

Best decision of my life - I come from a family of three siblings so I know what that 'chaotic' big family is like. Definitely not for me!

I know this is from Feb 2023 but just wanted to say my bit. I was one and done and have never regretted it.

He's turned out to be a lovely human, complete opposite to the "spoiled, selfish" stereotype, makes friends easily, very good at conversing with adults, has done very well academically and is emotionally intelligent. We've poured our love and attention into him and he's thriving.

Ones are becoming much more "normal" even since mine was a toddler (cost of living a big part I think) so there's less pressure than even 15-20 years ago to "just give them a sibling" which I never agreed with a child should be fully wanted and longed for in their own right, not to be a playmate for a first.

Should have said, DS is now nearly 20 and at Uni so definitely past having another!

Coming at it from the other angle, I absolutely loved being an only child, never felt lonely, was always with friends and we were a great 3!

The only time I've missed a sibling is in the years now since losing a parent, but I wouldn't change my childhood.

Sometimes but it's only because I feel for my DS that he has no siblings, especially as he only has 2 cousins who are a good 10 years older and DH is NC with his siblings and families. DS feels it too sometimes.
He late 20's now with his own child and a girlfriend with a big, close family (my DH is very jealous of how much time DS spends with them but he was the one who was firm about only having one child, I would have had more if he had been willing).
His girlfriend is mid 30's now though and reluctant to have another - she had a traumatic birth mid COVID and by her own admission prefers to be at work than at home so it looks like DGS will also be an only one.

Ours occasionally asks for a sibling. She's 9 now and I'm not going back to baby issues again.

The reality is that we can spend so much more time and money on her than we would otherwise. Of course she doesn't appreciate it but she has a charmed life that wouldn't be possible in the same way with 2.

Of course there's the lack of companionship but husband is daft and as much of a mate to her as a dad, although of course that will change in the next few years I'm sure.

People talk about when they get in adulthood, but I've got a brother who I get along with perfectly well but speak to max twice a year. There's no guarantees a sibling will be close.

It is highly subjective. Do you miss what you've never had? It is of course easy to say you're relieved you've done it once the child is here.
If you're happy with one op than you should stick with one. I was content with dc1, and after such a traumatic time, felt I couldn't go through it again. Then around when he turned 2, something just changed, and I felt there was somebody missing. It was just such an extreme urge that he was meant to have a sibling (whether they got on or not); our family didn't feel complete. A spare bedroom waiting to be filled, empty chair at the table etc. I feel complete with 2, and have never had any urge for a third whatsoever, haven't ever questioned it. They are lovely together, and currently playing; it is really cute. Some people may feel complete after one. There is no right or wrong.

we have a 12 yr old and I don’t regret having one. Occasionally I think it might be nice to have two on certain occasions, but the feeling is fleeting and easily forgotten. Our dd has never expressed any desire to have a sibling, she realises, I think, that she her life is very pleasant as an only. We’re not wealthy, but with only one child we can give her opportunities we wouldn’t be able to with more than one. I did internally debate having a second for about 4 years after she was born, but never came out as feeling like it was something I wanted. My partner was happy with one, so there was only my thoughts and feelings to consider.
Many things over the last 12 years have been much easier with only one child and I am a much better parent to one than I would be with two.

I was "one and done", and then accidently fell pregnant when dd1 was only 20 months old 😬. It took me a long time to come to terms with it, even contemplated abortion to begin with as I really didn't want another, and hated the baby stage. But it was fine, I think having them close in age helped as before in knee it I had two preschoolers, and those were the best years ever. They're now 10 and 8 and I'm eternally grateful for dd2s surprise appearance in our lives, as I know I never would have agreed to a second, but I love having two. Not sure if I ever would have regretted only having one as planned, as I wouldn't have known any different and dd1 has always been such an easy going, happy child... But I definitely would regret dd not being here as she's a delight, so had to think about the what ifs, as you don't know until it happens. Dh tried to persuade me to have a third, but the dury was out on that one 😅. If I'd had a third, I'm sure I would feel exactly the same, not being able to imagine not having the third one, but finances and time would have certainly been harder to manage. I wouldn't have changed my mind about having a second, but dd2 changed it for me, and now I wouldn't regret it for a second.

Ds is 11 and I’m perimenopause al and no regrets over only having one. We have a few friends with onlies too. We holiday as a three in summer but ski with friends with a child of a similar age and camp with other friends in a bigger group. Dh and I are quite sociable so happy to do things with friends for ds.

Forgot to say as well op, I found it hectic when the dcs were babies; having 2 under 3 is tough. Second was a lot easier in a lot of ways, because you've already done it, but it is tiring!!
Now they're 5, and 7, it is much easier. Dc1 would want to play with us more, and has dc2 to play with. In this respect I find it easier, because more time to myself. I'm not sure I could do a big age gap though; definately easier when they're into the same age bracket activities. They're partners in crime that's for sure 😍
You have to do what is right for you, and your family.

DD just turned 9 and I don't regret her being one and done, I always say on these kind of threads I genuinely think I'm a better parent of one child than I would be of 2 or more. It allows me more space, patience and time for my DD alongside the practical resources and also allows some time for me to be me too - we have a lovely life and she is an amazing child who has great friends.

I regret it.

I'm about to turn 40 so it'll never happen again. DC is 13 now and we're all happy with our little family but I know the feeling will never leave me of wishing I'd had more children.

💐 I'm sorry that you have that regret. I admire your honesty. Hindsight is however a great thing. You could have gone on to have a second that has additional needs, which may have taken away attention from your first dc.
Nothing is guaranteed. Having a baby is already a risk to your current dynamic. You regret the fantasy image you have in your head, reality may not have been the same. I bet you have such a well adjusted dc, that is all that matters.

One and done was the plan anyway, but I am very glad that it was because when my DS has urgently needed a lot of my time and attention I would not have physically been able to provide it with two and both would have suffered (necessarily, the younger one more). There was no way of foreseeing that in the years when we would have been conceiving a second.