Tell me about your nightmare young children

[Anothernamechangeflip]

As the thread title.

I’m 32, have 3 dc aged 17, 14,12, married, plenty of space in the house with not many years left on mortgage.

So why oh why am I getting incredibly broody, we had recently been ttc but I was relived this month when af arrived, spoke to Dh and told him I was actually relieved along with all the reasons why. He’s not happy, but just follows my lead in everything anyway so he’s not particularly bothered about it either.
Great, now I can crack on with life and enjoy the freedom I’ve so far never had because I’ve spent all my adult life parenting.
But I’m so backwards and forwards with this that hearing how difficult the young stage is might just tempt me to get the coil in.

Ha! Just came on to say beware the twins and saw someone had beaten me to it.

Although if I won the lottery and could then afford it... I'd probably sneak a 4th child too so I'm no one to judge.

A colleague of mine had 2 girls and he was desperate for a third - he not sosecretly wanted a son. He finally talked his wife into a third, and they had triplet girls.

She didn't speak to him for about a week after the first scan, and it put a significant strain on their marriage.

We aren't in touch any more but they will be 18/17/14/14/14 at the moment and I do wonder how they are doing...

Jesus don’t do it! You’ll be under 40 and all your kids will be adults. You’ll still be young enough to do all the things you want to do.

This is what I needed to hear, along with the twins and triplets 😂

I do think seeing so many people my age with babies is what’s making me broody.
I know I’m still young enough to be having more children, but as you say my youngest will be 20 once I hit 40.

I could just wait for dgc 😂

Oh my goodness op, have you gone stark staring mad??? Your freedom is literally round the corner and you want to do it all again? Grab your life with both hands and live it for you! You've never had a chance to be a grown up with no responsibilities, now is your chance! Once the 12yo has left home the world is your oyster! Do you really want to go through weaning and potty training and years and years and endless sodding years of "PUT YOUR SHOES ON!"?

I find this one of the easiest parts

The sleep though op and endless park days I’d think of that

Noooo, definitely don't do it!! As others have said, do you really want to spend your whole adult life with dependent children?? If you did have another, that's 35+ years of raising children 😯

You had them so young, so you likely never got to do the care-free adult thing, travelling, big hobbies, just freedom basically 😁 You're going to now be able to do that in your 40s... Why ruin it by spending the next 20 years having to raise another kid and all that entails?!

And also, illness, sleep deprivation, primary school politics, expense, emotional energy 🫣

Omg don’t do it op! You must be bonkers, you’re young enough to enjoy your freedom, make the most of it, don’t go back to the start.

Made me spit out my coffee 🤣
I said the exact same words when I found out I was pregnant with my surprise 3rd child 😂

Morning sickness.
Pregnancy exhaustion.
Trying to walk when the head has dropped.
Swollen breasts and bloody nipples.
Seeing 4am every morning, after 2 hours sleep. Then up for the day at 6am.
Weaning, pureed fucking carrots everywhere.
Potty training.
Constant mess.
Constant demands.
Permanent fatigue.

I am one who went for a third and have twins, they are fabulous. But I am very much done, in case you can't tell.

You're so close to freedom, Op, run!

But best of luck, whatever you decide.

Mum to an 8wk old and in my late 30s here...

The nights (leading straight into the days) are a KILLER 🙈🤣 Im so much more knackered than I was 10yrs ago.. the feeding every 2hrs then every 3hrs means I feel constantly either tired or grumpy.. body image is in the toilet and so hard to shift any weight anyway never mind with a newborn in tow along with everything else life throws at you at this stage.. and im facing DS starting high school when im 50 🙈🙈

For me I didnt have a choice to have them younger so whilst im incredibly grateful to have them now - if I was in your shoes I think I would absolutely be planning how to spend my freedom now 🤣🤣

Ah this is all a great perspective.

You're absolutely right, I’ve never had any real freedom, because I had the children so young I made a point of not accepting help from my family, just to prove that I was capable really. None of them have ever spent a night with grandparents so Dh and I didn’t get alone time when they were little, so I suppose I have that extra freedom to look forward to as well.

The balance of pros and cons has just tipped a bit further.

Don't!

I'm child no6 in my family. No 5 child is my twin. I started my family at your age and did a fair range of stuff before hand. Whilst I definitely wouldnt change my life I'm envious of all the opportunities you have ahead of you.

Make a list of all the things that you would have done in your 20s if you hadn't had kids - and which you might now be able to afford to do comfortably in your 40s when your 12yo has left home (rather than on a shoestring in your 20s!)

Interrailing round Europe? Degree course, or MA, or welding qualification? Life-changing trip to Japan? Teaching English in Cambodia? Four months exploring India? Munroe-bagging? Walking Lands End to John O'Groats? Motorcycling across America?

Now cross out all the ones you couldn't still feasibly do due to age or finance in your 60s if you had another one (or two, because you know you'd want a near-age sibling for the next), and that's the balance you're striking.

The cost (clothes toys childcare), demands, toys, imaginary play, interruption to life, school holidays, pregnancy, birth....just everything. That's why I stopped at one.

I would swap with you in a second OP, you are literally at the finishing line! Don't go backwards only forwards!

Poo. When you think toilet training is finally over with and they regress and start shitting in their clothes.

Poo. That moment when your finger goes through when your wiping something particularly revolting.

Poo that has leaked from a nappy when weaning starts.

Baby poo on your clothes when the poo then IMMEDIATELY wee on top of it, washing it all over everything.

(It's been a bad couple of days here. Can you tell?)

Think about your children's future, and house prices. They'll likely all need your help, can you afford to help them all ... and then add on another? If not that, think of the environment.

You’re broody for a lovely little baby. And they’re delightful! So snuggly. Anyway, then they turn into my three year old who has spent the day dragging herself bodily along the floor moaning like a zombie that she’s “too tired to walk” the three feet from doorway to sofa, for example, and “I just caaaaaaaaaan’t” do something as difficult as hang a coat up; refused all sustenance except peanut butter – “Yuck! I will never ever forever like THAT”; and if you looked in her direction – not at her, just near her – rolled theatrically around with her hands over her face shouting “stop looking at me, your eyes are hurting my skin!”