Why is friend doing this?

[Kilsy]

I have been with my new bf for 5 months or so and things are going really well. Previously was single for a long time.

One of my closest friends has been on and off with her dp for several years but wants the proposal / children now - I know up until recently they were having some problems though with the way he spoke to her etc and different values.

we had a chat yday and although my bf spoilt me for Valentine’s Day I didn’t really want to go on about it unless asked. Contrastingly she really built hers up. She said he took her for a fancy meal, bought her a £200 make up set and she had thought he was going to pop the question. She then asked how my relationship was going, almost as if she wanted to hear about cracks that were going to appear?

what do I do when she does this? I know for a fact that what she said wasn’t true (eg the present was for a different occasion and the meal out didn’t happen the way she said) but want to be happy for her and enjoy her joys. I feel like she wants me to be jealous though? Should I tell her about how good my day was too or is that just competing?

we were talking about having kids with our dps and I made a light hearted comment about how we weren’t sure about whether we saw that in our future plus it was such early days for us anyway - she burst out laughing and said she forces her dp to tell her when he will be ready to buy her a house and let her give up work so she can be a rich sahm. My boyfriend and I both have really good jobs but I wouldn’t say something like that to my friends - it’s crass!!! I smiled and nodded but it’s making me feel weird.

Oh Lord. I hope that my friends don't think I hope they have shit relationships just because I ask them how theirs is going.

It's normal conversation, I tell you something about my life, then ask about yours. Otherwise I'm only ever talking about me. It shows interest in others as opposed to being a narcissist.

How did she sound like she wanted to hear about cracks? Why wasn't she just saying "oh he did all this, it was lovely. I even thought he might propose but he didn't.... anyway how was your first valentines with your lovely new boyfriend?"

I also don't see the problem in the house comment. I would love for my DH to earn enough for me to be a SAHM. It's just different life ambitions and not crass at all to want to devote your life to raising your children. You can really offend someone by thinking their life choices and goals are crass because they don't meet your expectations.

It sounds like a normal conversation.

I'm not sure why you think asking a normal question means she secretly hopes you're miserable.

This is normal conversation, you seem so suspicious of it and her.

Maybe they'd agreed the £200 gift was a joint present e.g. birthday and valentines. And if she fibbed about how the dinner came about- does it matter? I'm assuming she said something like it was a suprise but actually she knew about it. She's probably just exaggerating a little to make him seem more romantic- it's normal.

Unless she said to you "I had a lovely valentine's but I bet yours was crap, tell me all about it", she probably just genuinely wanted to know how yours was.

You seem like you don't get that her longer relationship is progressing more than yours. You've been with your bf for 5 months obviously you're not telling people you're going to be a SAHM yet.

It sounds like you aren't really friends and I'd just stop hanging around with this person. Sounds like hard work. Friends love and support one another and celebrate each other's achievements and not suspect they want them to fail.

Not sure what she’s said that making you read so deeply into things? Sound more like you trying to pick holes in your friend rather than the other way round

I think she’s trying to convince herself about her life with the exaggeration/ bigging up / boasting / lying about it. And she’s hoping you’ll validate how rosy it is in her life by hearing about problems in yours.

i don’t think she’s your kind of person. I’d give her a swerve.

I can't see anything wrong in what she's said, although it's hard to know the full context on here. You have different relationships and different approaches.
At worst it sounds like she's insecure about her relationship, but it also sound like knowing that, you're looking for the cracks in hers yourself and over analysing what she's saying.

Thanks I take the points. I think she is insecure in her relationship and a few times has said to me things like, so when will you two have an argument, welcome to the real world etc etc. It’s just a vibe I get. I do like her btw and she is a good friend. I think it was just calling because she was saying about all these Uber romantic things he had done when I know that behind the scenes things aren’t as rosy - what am I supposed to do, try and top it? I had a nice day too but didn’t feel the need to shove it down her throat. It just seemed like she was over compensating and it’s hard to hear when a few weeks ago she was threatening to break up with said bf. What I’m saying badly is I feel like she leaps on any indication that I might not be happy with my bf but then alternates between moaning and boasting about hers - I don’t know how to respond really!!!!

Maybe she thinks you're naive about relationships?

She sounds massively insecure and worried that you'll get a proposal before she does.