He started nursery-he is distraught!??!!

[Rachell1]

Holding my hands up here…. I’m an anxious af mum and quite often need guidance and reassurance!

My 2 year old started nursery yesterday (this week is a settling in period), he did 2 hours there without me, he did cry on and off but was ok overall. He wanted to play more when I picked him up because I was there and he felt more confident I guess.

I just dropped him off for day 2, again just 2 hours. He was screaming mummy when I left (I left pretty much as soon as he got through the door) and was really crying.

The staff and nursery itself is so lovely, i’m just looking for someone to reassure me that I have definitely done the right thing and I’m not an awful mum for walking away whilst he was desperately reaching out for me and screaming for me!!! He is still so so little and it broke me into pieces.

I am a sahm (about to give birth too) so sometimes I wonder if I should just keep him with me.. but then at the same time I’m not exactly in a position at 9 months pregnant to entertain him every day and he gets so bored!

Does it get better?!

Yes. Gets better. The first days, weeks, months are pretty gut wrenching though. In the end I found it was me rather than DC who were having the emotional reaction. Best to drop and go and be cheery and up beat. It is awful though! After four years full time in nursery my DC would rather be there than at home with me...

Hello. It is a big adjustment for you both. It may take time.

Do you walk him into the nursery? I found my little one likes it if I walk into the room with them if they are feeling a bit upset about it.

Hello, I could have written your post a few weeks ago. My little boy started nursery (only 1 day a week) and was absolutely distraught at every drop off and any update photo we got through the day he looked so sad/had tears. But only a few weeks on and although we still get tears at drop off (very normal apparently and a great sign they have an amazing bond/loving home), he now loves it and is really coming out of his shell. One thing that has helped us is once a week, on the day my mum has him, she takes him to his nursery to play for a few hours. His nursery are amazing and offer this so worth asking if that’s an option at yours too. Just going that extra few hours in between his full days has helped hugely in him remembering it’s a nice place to be.

It does get better, DS1 is now 17 but I remember that time so vividly. The nursery staff were so kind and reassuring that he had fun after the initial distress on drop off.

Hope it gets better for you both soon.

Well developmentally he is 1 year too young to start nursery. Why are you paying for a private nursery if you are a SAHM?

Yes, most 2 year olds do this — in that moment you’re leaving him. In a few moments time the focus will be cars or home corner or building bricks or looking in the new toilets ( always a source of fascination when they’re new to nursery) He’ll settle , just stay calm, matter of fact and positive.
Expect tears again after baby arrives because in his head you could be getting up to any amount of fun with new baby while he’s not there!

To be honest he's probably feeling very overwhelmed as he's starting childcare at the exact same time as he is getting a new sibling. I would take him out again as he's going to feel very much like the new baby is the reason he's now not getting to spend his days with mummy and that could lead to huge resentment towards the new baby.

Putting them both into childcare after you've finished your maternity leave would be more sensible but if your staying at home then waiting until his 30 hrs kick in would make more sense developmentally and financially.

think the research is mixed on that. Everything I read before sending my 2 year old said that at under 2 it's better to keep them at home if you can, over 3 it's better to send them to nursery but between 2 and 3 is a grey area and more dependent on their personality and other factors.

I am a SAHM and DD started nursery at 2 years 1 month old when her brother was 6 weeks old. From the start she went 5 mornings a week. I did this to give me some more rest and also to have some one on one time with DS. It has also been good for DD to have all the experiences nursery can give her.

2 is a perfectly reasonable age to start nursery and he will get plenty out of it. It's very normal for little kids to be upset about nursery at first. Is he going full time? Perhaps it would make sense to have him at home a couple of days each week with you and the baby so that there is a balance?

Sounds pretty normal - 2 is perfectly fine age and he will benefit so much from being there. And give you time with your new born. Persevere!

You usually find the 2nd session they are more upset as they know what to expect - they know you go for a little while and leave them! The toys are so appealing and interesting at first then the novelty can wear off a little. He will get used to it though, usually very quickly with 2 year olds as they can be easily distracted! Does he have a keyworker OP?

At OP my DS was the exact same. Started at beginning of Jan when he was 2 years + 2 months. I was 8 months pregnant so wanted him to start for same reasons as you do - to give him an outlet for himself, particularly in the early days with baby where everything is clusterfeeding etc. And I knew I'd be recovering from a C Section.

Initially he cried like your LO at drop off. Stay confident in front of him and persevere. My DS absolutely loves going in now. Plays well with the other kids. Eats all the lunches etc they make for him (he can be fussy eater at home), and tells me he's excited to go on the days he does go (3 mornings a week). Any doubt I had about whether I was doing the right thing has been removed as I can already see how well he's thriving there and how he interacts with the nursery workers. And so he doesn't feel like he's being "shipped off" while baby is there, from the offset I kept telling him that nursery was a special thing just for him to have fun and play with other toys etc.