Would you ask your parents for a loan if you were in my position?

[Nocrispsinthehouse]

I am in a bit of a predicament.

I have been suffering with some chronic health conditions for a number of years. It has taken a toll on my life and I am currently at an all time low with it (physically and emotionally).

Over the years, (via the NHS), I have had many tests, seen consultants and have tried various medications and remedies, none have had a lasting impact and I end up back at square one with my health.

I am at a crisis point and am looking into seeking private healthcare help.

However, I am on a low income (due to my health issues) and every time I save to get the help I need I end up having to use the money for essential items or something for one of my dc etc.

Now, this is where my dilemma/question comes in.

I am close to my elderly parents. I see/help them approx. 5 days a week. Mum has Alzheimer’s and dad doesn’t cope that well so between my dsis and I we do all we can to help them.

Dad is fully aware of my health issues (although doesn’t know how much it is ruining my life as I don’t want to add any extra stress on him). He is old school and believes that if the NHS can’t help you then you have to put up with any ailments etc. He believes anyone offering ‘private’ healthcare are just out to rip you off. He is very tight with his money and spends as little as possible and is always looking where to save money.
I have regularly pondered if I should ask my dad for a 1 or 2k loan but knowing how he is with money I have always tried to fund things myself.
I am not looking for any money as a gift (I have never been given money nor have I ever asked for any up until now), as I know if the private health advice didn’t help then I wouldn’t hear the last of it. I would pay it back monthly.

For context, my parents have a lot of money, with their house and savings they have not far off a million pounds to their name. I am not saying that beacuse I believe it means I am entitled to anything but just to say dad could afford to loan me a thousand if he chose to. Most of the money invested is actually my mum’s money from inheritance. She will often say she would like to help me with my health issues but my dad quickly shoots her down and says that I’ve seen people within the NHS and no-one can help me so it would be a waste of money, so up till now I have been hesitant to ask but I am absolutely desperate and it is having a huge impact on my day to day life.

So, if you were in my position, would you ask for this loan? Or do I just put up with it?

Yes I definitely would.

If you were my daughter, I would hand you the money, not loan it, to help you with your health needs, plus an extra 1000. Being unable to earn much because of having a disability and needing healthcare would be a priority for me. I'd hate if my child didn't ask. (I do help support a child with a disability).

Your parents might have a different view but I think most parents would want to help if they could. If they can't, would your sister be able to help?

If you are helping them regularly, is this doing the shopping, cleaning the house or just being a supportive ear?
If it is the former (and they clearly are not poor) why not get paid for what you do? I know of a couple of people that do this simply because if they didn't help then the support would have to be outsourced and paid for.

I would be cautious because if you have a "number" of health conditions and have had "lots of tests", do you know what kind of specialist to book to see? If you have gynae issues you can pay to see a gynaecologist, but if you have vague multiple symptoms you may end up paying for another doctor who won't have the answer.

I would get a quote for what it is you actually need and then ask.

'Dad, I'm really struggling to get help via the NHS. I'd like to get a further opinion because this is impacting my life and ability to work. A consultation will cost £**. Could you help me with this - I will pay you back".

Going to him with the exact amount seems more transparent.

Would your dad lend it though if he's shot it down in the past? How would you pay back the loan if you struggle now?
I'd be very careful, even though they have money money and family really doesn't mix.
Also do you know exactly what consultants you'd need if nhs keep coming back blank?

I think you may be underestimating the amount of money you'd need, especially if you need tests. For context, when I used to see a rheumatologist privately, 10 min appts were £180 and full blood tests were c. £200. I also had x rays and MRIs which pushed the cost into the thousands very quickly. What wouldn't be good is to get halfway through the process and then run out of cash so can you price up what you think you might need?

I definitely think it's worth asking for the money though.