Fed up of feeling rubbish

[Mumofto]

Hi all,

Not really a poster more of a lurker and have used advice from all you wonderful people since my first child was born 10 years ago.

Apologies in advance if this is long but I feel I need to get everything off my chest if I plan to move forward.

So here goes…

I think I’m stuck in a rut. I live an ok life. I have a good job that I love (exhausting physically & mentally) but I enjoy it. I have 2 beautiful children and a partner who is somewhat supportive. Partner works minimum 12 hour shifts daily and so doesn’t have much involvement at home although will help out if I ask.

As I work around school hours, this means all the childcare, housework, school clubs, food shopping etc falls on me. I’ve always been a person for routine, however I lost all routine during lockdown and have struggled to get one back since.

I suffered from mild depression during 2019 and have found it hard to find myself again since.

I have a small amount of debt, a couple of thousand and although it’s not huge I know I need to work on paying this off to release the stress load.

We don’t have a huge amount of money, but live ok enough.

I used to be a house drinker, although stopped this about 8 months ago. I do still enjoy a drink but just save it for when I get a rare night out.

I have loads of plans: meal plan, save money, read a book, create a good skincare routine, get out for a walk of a weekend, do washing daily etc. I just generally can’t be bothered to do it when I get home from work. I feel like I have no energy at all and just cannot wait for bed again. I am only 30 and beginning to think this is the norm!

Me and my partner rarely go out. Maybe twice a year. I do smoke, although have tried to stop twice but turn to them again when I’m stressed or feeling down which is daily at the minute.

I don’t have a good relationship with my mum or dad so I don’t really get help from them with the children, but my brother is an angel when I really need him.

My problem is I don’t feel like I’m using my time wisely enough, I feel like I am always tired/ exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I don’t know we’re to start to get back to myself again.

Any tips or advice will be hugely welcome.

Thanks in advance

A x

I think you need to change one thing at a time.

You hold down a job look after kids and a home -you are already doing the work of three people.

I would find one focus.

Thanks for replying!

My sister often says I do too much

I just don’t know how to make myself feel better about it all

Can you possibly share some of the load with your partner? I know youve said he works 12 hour shifts but when he is at home can he maybe do the kids bath and bed time so you can have that one less thing to do? Coukd you maybe have a day at the weekend once a month where you go out on your own and have a break whilst he has the kids? My husband suggested this to me and i really didnt think it could help but it really does! Even just a few hours for you to chill does work wonders x

Thanks for your reply.

Unfortunately my partner works 7 days. His only time off is usually holidays or the kids birthdays so I wouldn’t be able to get a day in the weekend to myself. I usually get myself up an hour earlier before work so I can have a cup of coffee in peace but find I regret it in the evening when I’m so tired!

He would share the bedtime routine but he’s sometimes not home until late in the evening so misses the bath/bedtime.
He’s self employed so has no set hours and doesn’t know when he’ll be home from one day to the next.

For this reason I need to find a comfortable routine that I can do on my own because he’s hardly here