Why don't I feel attached to DS?

[mottle]

I was reading another post where people were saying that they could never leave their children to go away on holiday for 7 days +.

I love my DS (ages 4) deeply, he is just brilliant. But, when I'm away from him I don't feel that bond or attachment? I don't find it difficult at all to be away from him and I think I would probably be okay on a 1-2 week holiday or time away from him.

It's been like this since he was born. I didn't feel I loved him for a while, I enjoyed him as a baby but didn't feel that overpowering love for a long time.

When I'm apart from him I do think about him but he's not constantly on my mind and I don't worry about him because I trust his dad/grandparents.

Is this normal? I'm thinking that it's probably not.

It’s unusual, but wouldn’t say it was abnormal. Some people are more distant in relationships than others. What were your parents like with you?

It probably helps that you’re more ‘used to’ leaning him with reliable childcare in the form of grandparents. We don’t have that so whenever I’ve left mine for the odd night (he’s only a toddler) I’m constantly on edge wondering if everyone is coping ok.

That said, I couldn’t imagine more than 1-2 nights max away from him. I would miss him too much. I like to do things WITH him so I’d honestly prefer to have him with me. But I’ve got friends who leave theirs to go on a week holiday no trouble so we’re all different.

I’m a bit like this.
I love my children very deeply. I would do almost anything for them and love my time with them.
But I am ok leaving them for periods of time and I can’t really say I ‘miss them’. I think about them and am very excited to see them when we are back together but I’m ok with them being gone. If I know they are in safe hands and having fun then I don’t worry about them.
Some people are much more out of sight, out of mind. I would say I’m similar with all my relationships. I love my DH, my family my friends and love being with them but I don’t ‘miss them’ when they’re not around. Maybe I’ve just never been without them for long enough yet! I like my own company!

How would you feel leaving him at, say, a party alone for the first time? Do you compartmentalise other parts of your life too?

I think you're being unusually perceptive even to register this so I doubt it's anything worrying, but if you had any big disruptions or traumas in your childhood it might be worth digging into a bit. Early boarders for example can be prone to compartmentalising more than is healthy. I'm not saying this level is unhealthy, I have no idea, but it's a question I might ask myself if I did want to explore it further.