I need help on how to parent this behaviour

[prfctbynme]

My DS is nearly 6. He's been showing general aggression (hitting, pushing, kicking) to other pupils in school for near two months.
It seems to be occurring out of frustration.

I feel like I've tried everything.
Talking and discussing his feelings without punishment.
Positive rewards when he's been good.
Open discussions with the school so he knows there is contact there because of his behaviour.
More quality time.
Shouting and yelling.
Confiscations of favourite things.

I feel like I'm just going around in circles of trying to talk to him about it and then having to confiscate stuff/set consequences and then it just continues happening.

Any advice? I'm at a loss and feeling like I've failed.

Are the school supporting you with this?

Is it the same two people?

I would be trying to work out what is making him do this. The school should be supporting you with this.

What is he frustrated about?
Behaviour is communication
Ask him to role play it out
You be the kid he hits

What is he finding frustrating? Not that its ok to hit if you are frustrated but does he have the language or social skills to say stop etc

There is no point confiscating something at home for behaviour at school.
Confuscate a toy if he damages it.
Find out the why

what do the school do when this happens? do they take him out of the situation to calm down?

what positive reward can you do at the end of the day when he has a day with no kicking? small frequent positive rewards can work better than taking stuff away or a big treat at the end of the week.

Does he have communication difficulties? My ds was a little younger than yours at the time, but he was very late speaking, and had some disordered speech patterns as well, which made it really hard to understand him. He’d end up getting frustrated and lashing out because he couldn’t get across what he wanted to say verbally. Speech therapy made a massive difference, as it dealt with the underlying cause rather than just punishing the behaviour.

When he has screen time what is he watching? I'd personally try no YouTube and no Internet time, plus back to basics TV like CBBC.

Is it only happening at school?

Have a look at Ross Greenes The Explosive Child and his website Lives in the Balance which may help you to understand your son's behaviour.

Only the aggression happening at school however the attitude at home isn't great - he gets frustrated easily for the same reasons.

It always seems to be that he's frustrated when someone isn't listening to him or not following his rules or interrupting him, taking his toy - always something not worth getting aggressive over.

School have been good - a lot of talking with me about it, a lot of positive reinforcement for where he's doing good, a lot of discussions with him about his behaviour (like at home) and keeping him aside and with a teacher when he seems to be triggered.

No communication difficulties as far as speech goes!

@Dacadactyl he doesn't have an awful lot of screen time and only watches one specific channel that I've approved on YouTube now, but not for long at all in a day! I thought this was the issue originally so we cut back on any excess YouTube months ago.

What television does he watch? Is it always age appropriate? For his age it's basically Disney only really.

Does he play computer games?

Seconding the recommendation of Ross Greene, The Explosive Child.

I also think it might be worth exploring speech and language therapy or play therapy. Unfortunately you will probably have to pay for these yourself if you want anything done before he leaves primary school...

Just because he can talk, doesn't necessarily mean he can communicate effectively.

As a teacher, I wouldn't expect you to discipline / correct him at home for poor behaviour in school, and I wouldn't do the reverse obviously!
I think you need to talk with him.
Ask him why he does it, what could he do differently next time, explain how it makes you feel and talk about how the children he hurts feel.
Then work with school to agree a support plan for him to prevent this from happening as far as possible.
He needs support to do this and school need to put it in place.

Can he have something to redirect his lashing out at - a stress ball or another recognised action like a foot stamp that is known at school and at home as him trying to contain himself and therefore acknowledged as a positive thing? We don't hit other children but we know what it feels like to have all that angry inside so instead of using your hands you can stomp the floor to let it know how cross you are without hurting our friends sort of thing

Who is takinv his toys at home?
Older or younger siblings?