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Original poster

Dying alone

45 replies

LotteryLoser · 14/02/2023 14:32

This is going to happen to me. Older sister...we don't get on. Partner 15 years older than me. No friends. One DS who spends most of his time with his girlfriend (understandably) at her family's house.

I am chronically shy and find it almost impossible to get to know and trust people.

It all seems pointless.

OP posts:

Dontsayyouloveme · 14/02/2023 19:42

This is my fear also… I fear death more than anything… and after that, it’s dying alone.. I’m 51, with an 11 year old son. My exh is very supportive.. but ideally it’s not who I want when with me when I’m taking my last breath! But rather than being alone… I suppose it’s better than nothing 😬

Coffeepot72 · 14/02/2023 19:42

@PandasAreUseless thank you for understanding

Catoneverychair · 14/02/2023 19:51

I think we all die alone. When you drift away and the consciousness goes, it's your 'own process'. Not sure how to word it better.

I'm in a similar situation but more worried about falling one noone finding out for days.

KattyKattyKatz · 14/02/2023 19:55

I hope to go in my sleep at a good age after a bottle of wine in a nice warm bed so will probably be alone if this happens

Hbh17 · 14/02/2023 20:05

There is nothing wrong with dying alone. I have a partner, but I have made it very clear that I don't want any of that ghastly "sitting round the deathbed" stuff. We come into the world alone and I think it's right that we leave it the same way - what could be calmer or more peaceful? So I sincerely hope that I am left completely alone when I pop my clogs - that would be perfect.

Alexandra2001 · 14/02/2023 20:09

Not worth spending time on, you have no idea what your death will be or when.

When i was younger my fiancé died in an accident aged 34.

OP - live your life well, its the only one you'll ever have, you can overcome your shyness and make new friends but you can't do that under the ground.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/02/2023 20:13

We all dies alone, op. It's a journey for one. You're wasting so much emotional energy worrying about the inevitable. Enjoy living while you still have the time.

ReddyBrekk · 14/02/2023 21:06

We come into the world alone

I never understand what people mean when they say this. When you're born, your mother is with you.

Iateallthewotsits · 15/02/2023 03:39

ReddyBrekk · 14/02/2023 21:06

We come into the world alone

I never understand what people mean when they say this. When you're born, your mother is with you.

I’ve never understood this either. You hear it so much. when you are born, you are literally coming out of your mothers body. So you aren’t alone.

Fraaahnces · 15/02/2023 03:55

Everyone dies alone. Even if they are surrounded by people. I think living alone is the more terrifying part.
Scratch that…. living like a potted plant in a nursing home being wheeled out for cursory visits occasionally scares me more.

keeprunning55 · 15/02/2023 04:09

This could happen to anyone. If it worrying you and it sounds like it is, there are people who could be with you. A dear friend of mine died recently and had people with her that she h arranged.
I am sure a chaplain or hospice could be with you if you are unwell.
In the meanwhile, you sound rather low. Could you seek help for that through gp?

magicthree · 15/02/2023 06:07

I have no partner, no children, no siblings and the likelihood is that I will die alone. I really don't care, and I'm certainly not going to waste precious moments of my life worrying about it. Many people die alone for one reason and another, it hardly means their life was pointless.

MavisFlump · 15/02/2023 06:13

I have a life limiting illness and I definitely don’t want my family there when I die, I’d rather they were out walking the dog or doing something else!
My parents died during Covid, I wasn’t allowed to visit or see either of them.
My father refused to have any of us sit with him, although I understand a career from the NH did. My mother died in a room full of people, GP, carers were there.
Obviously it’s a very personal and individual decision.

MavisFlump · 15/02/2023 06:14

I do know what it’s like to sit with someone dying, I did it for several very close friends, my in-laws and a neighbour.

rexythedinosaur · 15/02/2023 06:16

I am chronically shy and find it almost impossible to get to know and trust people.

OP I am detecting regret here and reading between the lines, I think you are actually quite sad about your life, not your death, which is unknowable and hopefully a long way off.

Stop thinking about your death, and think about your life.

What can you do now to help yourself live a happier life?

C1N1C · 15/02/2023 06:18

I've come to this realisation myself.

It is just my mum left in my family, I'm an introvert so literally have no friends, we don't have children, and my wife has depression and is suicidal... it hurts, but I know this is my future and I've sort of come to expect it. What can I do...

ifonly4 · 15/02/2023 08:04

OP, you really don't know. Nothing any of us can do if we pass away and no one was expecting it. However, if you have an illness, sometimes that brings people together. Your sister may want to see you. Your partner could well outlive you. Quite rightly, your DS is making his own way in life, but doesn't mean he won't be there for you in the end.

Original poster

LotteryLoser · 15/02/2023 09:57

What I really meant was I can see myself as a lonely old woman who sees no-one for days.

OP posts:

Coffeepot72 · 15/02/2023 11:06

@LotteryLoser I think quite a few of us share your fears, particularly if we out-live our partners. So the million dollar question, is what can we do about this? Statistically men out live women, but not always. I fear DH dying years before me, but mine and his mothers both died in their 50s, proving women sometimes go first. And old age can be something of a lottery, even if you have a partner your own age, one of you could still die years before the other. On one hand I hope I die before DH, but then he'd be in the very position that I fear, and I don't want that either.

So I have made an effort to widen my social circle, keep busy and take up hobbies. But I'm aware that people/hobbies that are currently in my life may not be there forever, and the picture may look very different in my old age. I also try not to dwell on what may (or may not) happen in the future, most of the time I manage to keep distracted but there are times when dark thoughts creep in.

But an old folks home does seem to be the best guarantee against total isolation in old age (or some sort of McCarthy Stone retirement development), not everyone's cup of tea, but they serve their purpose.

maranella · 15/02/2023 11:12

LotteryLoser · 15/02/2023 09:57

What I really meant was I can see myself as a lonely old woman who sees no-one for days.

Well, this is within your control to change OP. Whether or not you or anyone else dies alone is less within their control as even if we live with someone else or have close friends or family, death can come suddenly and does for many.

But to be old and lonely? You don't have to be. Volunteer. Go to church (or whatever religious or spiritual group best suits you). My MIL is not good socially, but she volunteers for two charities and this keeps her quite busy at 80+ and ensures she sees people each week for conversation and company. TBH, you sound depressed. Have you considered that you might be?

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