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Original poster

Anyone had a baby after a large gap?

47 replies

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 14/02/2023 14:06

Hi - I’m 37 and lucky enough to have two dc aged 10 &6. I always thought I’d have more but the situation wasn’t right.
I’m suddenly really feeling like I wish I’d had a third one.
Ideally I wouldn’t have had a big age gap between them, and I would have done it younger.

Anyone done this or chosen not to? Can you tell me how you feel about your choice?

On the one hand I have so much freedom now and by the time I’m 50 my kids will be fully independent. On the other I wonder if I’d regret having a smaller family.

Apologies if this post comes across as insensitive to anyone, like I said I know I’m lucky to have two already.

OP posts:

Happyhappy39soon40 · 14/02/2023 16:13

My eldest son is almost 18 ( April bday)
Youngest son is 6 yrs.

I just turned 40 ( dec) and tested positive today 🙆🏾 lol. I am also in my final year of uni.

flutterbyebaby · 14/02/2023 16:18

Yes two older boys 12 and 8.

Natsku · 14/02/2023 16:29

There's 7 years between my two. I had always hoped to have children close together but that didn't happen. It was a good age gap at the beginning, DD doted on her baby brother but once he got old enough to be irritating to her she stopped liking him and they do not get on well at all now which is a shame. I hope when they are older they'll get on better but for now DD is annoyed by her brother and DS feels ignored by his sister. (She does help with him though, like holding his hand while I go to the loo when we're out and about, or searching for his beloved pandas when they go missing)

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Families

autienotnaughty · 14/02/2023 16:31

I will give you the negatives😂 I had mine at 21, 23 and 37. I found everything so much harder. Pregnancy was awful I felt so ill. My son did not sleep though until he was 18m . He has had health issues. It's totally changed my life my mental and physical health. I love the bones off him and wouldn't change anything but yes the last 8 years have been hard. I'm not saying don't do it but be mindful it might not go as planned and the impact that can have on you and your family.

Infinitebows · 14/02/2023 16:33

@DappledOliveGroves love this! Really pleased to have come across your post on this brilliant thread. I'm currently very early stage pregnant with my second, 22 years after my first and I'm so unbelievably excited but I know many just won't get it.

Theresahippopotamusonourroofeatingcake · 14/02/2023 16:51

I did with almost the exact same age gap. It has been perfect so far. The big kids are adoring and not at all jealous, the baby is easygoing as there is always a spare pair of hands to hold him. I feel in less of a fog than I did with two fairly close together. I'm definitely not feeling like an expert but I am more laid back.

secretmumofthree · 14/02/2023 16:52

I did exactly as you OP. Had my third in 2021 when my first and second where nine and six so left the six year gap. I did found I felt like I had forgotten a lot of things but it was nice in that the older ones would help out and when they were at school I could rest with baby. Anything past two just slots into place I think. I now have four 🙈😂

34and3 · 14/02/2023 16:52

Yep I have a 12,8 and 1 year old

caringcarer · 14/02/2023 16:59

I had my youngest son when older children were 10 and 8. Third child was a surprise. He is much loved.

Original poster

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 15/02/2023 11:56

Natsku · 14/02/2023 16:29

There’s 7 year gap btwn me and my younger brother - and it was exactly the same for us. I adored him as a baby, then found him immensely irritating as a teenager. It was hard for a while. We are excellent friends now - he just needed to grow up and I needed to not have raging hormones!

OP posts:

Iateallthewotsits · 15/02/2023 12:04

My three are 20, 8 and 2.

So yeah, big gaps! First at 22, last at 40.

They are all so close. My 20 year old and 2 year old especially. Ds adores his baby sister, they are so similar. It’s like they get each other already.

They have a lovely bond. She “chats” to him for ages before he goes to work each morning and when he comes back. He says it’s the best part of his day.

My 8 year old has a great bond with both of them too.

Age gaps were planned as I have horrific pregnancies. I basically need to clear 9 months of the year. I suffer from HG that no drug has touched (I have tried them all), and I am basically laying in a dark room or in hospital on a drip for the entire duration, it doesn’t let up until I give birth. It’s not compatible with having a very young child to look after as well.

Iateallthewotsits · 15/02/2023 12:06

And all through ds teenage years, he stayed close to my now 8 year old. Even when he was a raging bag of hormones at 14 and she was 3, he adored her. He was never annoyed at her or cross.

Twins3007 · 15/02/2023 12:11

mine were 9 ,12 and 13, when I had my last baby, in some ways it was so much easier as was so much more confident , but I always wished I had another baby after so my youngest had the company my eldest 3 had while growing up. Although he has always had a strong bond with his siblings he never had the comradery they had when younger children playing together

grievinggirlneedsadvice · 15/02/2023 12:14

Thanks for this thread. I have a 3.5 year old and am planning on having another spring/summer 2024 ( so she'll be 5).
Really, I wanted to have a age gap of 2 years but my mum got terminal cancer Aug 2020 and died April 2022 and I knew I could not have another baby during that time because of my mental health, I could not have coped. I would like to have the baby in summer as winters where I live are harsh and the drive to the hospital can be dangerous, so I have to wait a bit longer now I feel mentally ready. I'm nervous of the age difference but still want to have another.
This thread has helped me see that not everything goes to plan and that family is family no matter the age gap.

Nannyfannybanny · 15/02/2023 12:15

First one at 19, second at 26,third at 32, second marriage last one 41, then early menopause. Became a grandmother the following year. No problems, everyone gets on great, couple of rows between 2 middle (sons) when they shared a flat. Last pregnancy was the easiest,no morning sickness. Used to get rude comments from strangers,in parks and the like.2 girls, oldest and youngest get on like a house on fire.

Nannyfannybanny · 15/02/2023 12:17

Gap of 21 years in these 2. Youngest has 12,13,year old, said she'd never have anymore, got a 4 month old,and partner wants more.

CosyCoffee · 15/02/2023 12:19

I've had a baby OUT of a large gap if that helps.

whatty · 15/02/2023 12:33

My older 2 were 7 and almost 5 when my 3rd came along. They are now 10&8 and number 3 is 3! It was def hard- and is hard when the older two want to do outings which don't suit our 3rd. But I think it is giving the older ones an understanding that life isn't all about them- and they need to be considerate of the needs of others. They were brilliant helps, and adore the littlest. It's great having a busy family life as 5!

GlamGiraffe · 15/02/2023 12:41

Mine have a 15 year gap. There's nothing bad about it. They adore each other. It was great for us too. IMO opinion if you really feel you want another child you may well regret not having one of you don't. My middle sister is 2.5 years younger than me and because of complications the youngest is 8 years younger than me. It's never been an issue. I can't see you'd have much of a problem. Go for it

Callingtosummer · 15/02/2023 13:05

Me, with a 14 and 12 year old. I was always wary about it as I worried about starting over when I finally had independence, risk of jealousy or feeling pushed out over a new baby etc etc. but it’s been fantastic. I’m more patient, but my age makes me more tired than I was with the other two. I’m glad I went for it because I knew I’d regret never having a third. As they say you only live once, do what makes you happy.

Original poster

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 15/02/2023 13:09

Thanks to those of you who have shared the tough stuff too.

I also wonder whether I really want to be tied to the school run and holidays all over again instead of freedom.

It’s almost like if it happened accidentally I’d be pleased but I don’t have the courage to actively plan for it!

OP posts:

Devilsivy1 · 15/02/2023 14:02

I have a 9 year gap between my 2 children. My first I had at 23, which now seems quite young. It was due to circumstance as I divorced my eldest sons dad and by the time I met my current partner and had our son, there was a 9 year gap.

I love it! Although at first I was dreading my eldest feeling pushed out as it had been he and I alone for so long.
However they are the best of friends. My youngest loves his big brother and is always hassling him, my 12 year old is amazing with his little brother and would guard him with his life.
From my perspective, I liked that my eldest was more independent/easier, so by the time the youngest came along, I felt I had more time with each independently as eldest was in school.

I just found life easier. I'm not a fan of mess and chaos, so I like that my eldest isn't as dependent on me and I'm not running around after 2 under 5. It's just personal preference though and I can see why people whould have them close together.

I do however sometimes think that in 6 years when my eldest is 18, I could have been travelling etc but it won't be possible with a 9 year old.
Also, it's harder with the youngest because we have no family support as my family live 100 miles away and my partner's dad is 90.
Whereas with my eldest, his dad and grandparents are very involved.

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