How do people do this? Someone I love is in palliative care and will likely die this week. This is a relative but not a close relative like a parent etc so I don’t qualify for any compassionate leave at work, although I do have power of attorney for this person. There is a closer relative who held PoA on their own until recently but was advised that they should share responsibility with someone else so that they are not solely responsible for the big decisions, so I came onboard very recently.
I’m also trying to get my dad into a care home, which is time consuming and stressful. He doesn’t want to go and is calling me a monster. he has early onset dementia and I have to keep reminding him about our dying relative and he gets upset all over again each day, which upsets me too. Aside from the current situation with our relative, his needs are getting complex and I can’t look after him at home, I just can’t.
I have a senior level role and right now can’t concentrate on work. Yesterday, I (along with the other person), took the decision to stop treatment and therefore ensure my loved one’s life ends this week. Within an hour, I was embroiled in numerous arguments about whether a fucking spreadsheet should be made available to a particular group of colleagues. Apparently it’s a very important decision. I just felt like screaming at everyone about what important decisions really are.
That example is a relatively trivial matter but, on the other side of things, I have some employees with mental health issues who are relying on me for support.
I’m not saying for a minute that their needs aren’t genuine but I just can’t cope with hearing about others’ stress and depression right now.
I’m not in the right frame of mind and don’t know how to support them. I also have colleagues coming to me complaining about workload (it’s our busiest time of year) and asking for support in managing things and I just can’t think straight in order to help them. I don’t have enough annual leave and doubt it would be granted anyway as we’re at a peak workload time. I don’t know what to do.
I feel like I can’t really be at work – my head’s not in the game, I keep crying at work (in private, in the toilets) and it’s not fair to others, but I don’t know what to do if not at work and would feel guilty for giving my team more to cover. I can’t be at the hospital all the time anyway. We have a rota for attendance and the closer relative has asked me to give them private time each day although we'd like to both be there at the very end so I'm ready to drop and run when needed. My manager is fine with that and also understands I'll need time for the funeral but wants me here otherwise. I’d feel like a fraud sitting on my sofa when there’s no real reason to be there and not at my desk. Also there are aspects of work which are a welcome distraction and which really need done – financial reports etc.
Ideally, I want to do part-days and cherry pick the bits I feel I can do at the moment but that isn’t really an option. Others must have been in this situation – please tell me how you coped.