Trip with whining child.

[Neveragainuntilnexttime]

Very carefully planned short trip. Short flight, amazing hotel very child friendly. Only two full days. One day to suit each child but both days fine for either.
Yesterday was amazing. DC2 (9) has been really hard work today. He has form for ruining things if its not his choice. I kept trying to cheer him up, got cross, drew a line under it etc. But mood totally ruined. Back at hotel, feel like crying, I am out of energy and need to cheer up for rest of day.
Need a grumble and then to pull myself together!!

I don't know the answer, sympathise though. Sounds a lot like my DC7

Thanks.

I feel really bad they are going home with a bad memory of me being cross.

There have to be consequences for such behaviour or benefits to behaving appropriately.

Nothing wrong with them feeling bad if their behaviour was out of order.

He has form for ruining things if its not his choice.

Tell him to pull himself together. He's old enough to acknowledge there is more than him in the family and you can't always do what he wants. You take it in turns. Gracefully. Without whining.

I agree there should be consequences. Difficult while still away for consequences without making the day worse. I did think when we get home eldest gets a day trip at end of the month to make it up but that seems to stretch out the bad feeling.

Aware i have let DC2 behave as he does for an easy life.

He has form for ruining things if its not his choice.

You need to stamp this one out, for everyone’s sake. How would he react if his sibling/you ruined his choice? You need stern words and a strong expectation that his choices won’t happen until he can accommodate other people’s.

If I had one whiner or stropper on a trip, I would sit out an activity with the annoying dc and let the other dc go on and have fun (if at all possible). Sometimes that meant sitting on the side of the room in the museum as I couldnt let the other dc just wander around solo, or the other dc got to do the rides etc and I would wait at the gate with the annoying dc. It meant that my day might be ruined, but the other dc still had a good time. The annoying dc usually snapped out of it pretty quickly if they saw their siblings still having fun and they just had to sit with a Mum who ignored them (and the whining/stropping) and didnt engage with the drama. If they didnt want the food..that fine, your choice and no attempt to fix the situation was made by me etc. dc under the age of 4 ish had a bit more leeway.

I would also have that chat in the car on the way to the event/train/activity about what was happening, described the order of events and then laid out my expectations for behaviour. I then reminded them that I didnt speak whine and if they wanted to make any requests for adjustment in the day, they needed to ask now, nicely and with the understanding that I might or might not be able to make it happen. Usually this helped

My suggestion would be to do the non whiney child's preferred option on day one when whiney child is less tired and over stimulated so they have their favourite activity to look forward to the following day. This can also potentially be withdrawn if they are not reasonably well behaved on day 1 - but if you threaten if of course you will need to follow through.

Be positive and up beat but make behaviour expectations clear before you head out (be specific not just vague things like expecting 'good' behaviour) and be clear about consequences.

Are you on your own with the two kids? I think you're doing pretty well if so, holidays are hugely over stimulating for kids. Chalk it up to experience and when you get home dwell on the positives and give yourself a break.

Have you tried ignoring him?
My daughter can be a bit like this and one day after trying everything, I just started to ignore her whining and she stopped. She was silent for a while, as if she was processing and calming herself, and then acted cheerful as if nothing had happened.
It saves a lot of my energy and we can move on from things like this.

Ignoring isn't my first go to but when I see that whatever I do she's cross I just pretend it's not happening.

I did all the second bit at @SeaToSki.

Couldn't really figure a way to save it for older child.

It's the consequences that are possibly missing. And I think I needed to manage my disappointment better, needed to be the adult.

Good idea re flipping the days round.

Or ignoring, will definitely try that.

It is just me which adds pressure. Also that trips abroad are scarce so puts pressure on "MUST ENJOY.....!" Too much.