Walking away from good job - regrets

[Seriousdoubts]

I am feeling torn after verbally handing my notice in (NC as too outing otherwise).

I am 50, experienced in my profession, and have worked there for a decade in a demanding role. I'm leaving because the job is too much, even though I work part-time. I have tried to get more support over the years when it became clear after being in previous similar jobs with big teams, that this was a role that required a team. The business that has expanded massively, three-fold over the years, yet my team remains just me. I previously handed my notice in 5 years ago for the same reasons and had found another job at the time, but they persuaded me to stay by promising me more people. It never materialised.

Workloads are unmanageable and expectations high. I have made myself ill through stress. It is particularly frustrating as colleagues in comparable areas of responsibility have been given 10 team members and are on double my salary, having negotiated new contracts. My salary is decent at £40k pro rata though.

There are perks too. It's very flexible (though two-way as I routinely work over and take emergency calls), it's mainly wfh and I am part-time (although I only went p/t to escape the demands and because I don't sleep due to the worry). There's a good pension and lots of holiday.

I've been contemplating leaving for a long time, years. I kept sticking it out hoping for change.
After a particulary stressful week and after once again being declined support, I handed my notice in, verbally. I have nothing to go to, some savings, but with a view to going freelance. My boss said she was gutted, could she think about it and get back to me.

I spent the next two days worrying about my position, my age, what I'd be giving up, the security, sick pay, pension.
Then my mother reminded me of my anxiety, high blood pressure, heart palpatations and resting HR of 120 (saw a cardiologist who concluded there's no obvious reason for the high rate) but as this drops on holiday, I can only assume it's anxiety, panic attacks, tears, sleeplessness, caused by relentless hours, intruding into my non working days, evenings and weekends.

Spoke again Friday and she said was I sure? I said no, as I love the business I work for, am proud of what I have achieved, but that there aren't enough people for the volume of work.

She was sad to see me go that I was hard to replace, but understood why I was leaving, that more people are needed, but they can't afford it. She asked help plan my replacement and added they will recruit to my role AND get an agency in to help in the role. They've asked me if I can stay longer than my notice period and if I can help recruit to the new role.

This has knocked me for six as all I ever wanted was some support, let alone access to bought in services. Clearly though they would have suggested this structure if they wanted me to stay. They found people and significant pay rises for other area leaders. Maybe I should read between the lines and that me and/or my area are not valued (yet it is integral to the business)? It's confusing though as my boss indicated they might come to me for freelance work too. My ego is probably bruised. This resignation was done in desperation, but part of me hoped they might come back with something.

I'm having big regrets. I can't return to how it was, but I don't want to leave a job that could be right with support. I see my colleagues in their bigger teams and feel envious they get to stay and that I feel forced into making a decision that could be career suicide.

Then again, I am a professional, who will hopefully gain some freelance work. I'm also happy to work wherever to pay the bills and in many ways wonder if a different job where I don't bring work home, am not on call, will help. We still have a mortgage, DH earns only an average wage and we have two expensive teens, so working is essential.

I feel sick with worry that I've done the wrong thing, and that I've put my family's security on the line when I'm at an age that's harder to find work, but I know I cannot return to the job how it is. I think it will destroy my health to the point of no return.

Has anybody been in this postion, walked away from a good job on paper? Should I go back to my boss and tell her I'm having doubts after she mentioned the agency? I'm exhausted and cannot think clearly. Just the thought of telling my colleagues and writing a JD for my role is upsetting.

Not quite the same as I have been in my role for 1.5 years, but I too have verbally handed in my notice with nothing to go to, and I am also worried that I am making a mistake. The reason I am doing it is because I want to temporarily volunteer in a sector that might lead to a change in profession (along with a course I am doing) - or rather I need to complete a placement to get a diploma and there is a deadline attached. Staying in my which has very stressful periods of the year precludes that so I have taken this scary leap.

Can you ask your boss directly if they would give you the same agency help to stay in the role?

Or are there lots of freelance avenues that you might actually like more in the future?

Certainly your own self-care and health issues are important.

i understand the feeling of leaving a familiar and loved place (I have been working in mine for 2.5 years and in the most recent role for 1.5 years of that time). It could be that once you have got the leaving part over with you will feel a lot better and it sounds like you have many saleable skills?

Staying in my job

I left a job I loved a few months ago and it never felt right. I had a new job to go to but I kept going over and over in my mind if I should call my previous employer and get that job back. I didn't, and from what my ex-colleagues say, the old place is really going to shit. It reminded me that I left for a reason.

I've seen quite a few people leave a job and return after a few months because they didn't like the new place. Without fail, they've all left again (for good) within a year. You might get nostalgic and miss your old colleagues but in the end, whatever pushed you to leave will still be there.

I have often seen the phenomenon of, someone leaves and their job is advertised at a higher salary rate. And/or, their job now becomes the new job of 2 people, because no-one can be found who can do it as the previous person managed to do.

So the agency solution is similar to this. It is galling. Also, you can see it as a compliment. But remember, this job has wrecked your health.

On grounds of health, and on grounds of how long this has gone on, I would continue the process of leaving.

I left a job end of last year. Advice on MN and from my family was to find the new job before I quit. I did, just, took me 5 months. By that point I was thinking, I will quit anyway, regardless of the outcome of this interview, fortunately the outcome was a new job.

So you could decide to take this route - start applying for new jobs, your employer is verbally warned that you are likely to go soon, but save your formal notice for when you have a new job.

or, especially if you have a long notice period, give notice now, and start job hunting.

Or, give a longer notice period than needed and start job hunting.

If you don't find a job there is temp work out there.

My DH told me, You will find a new job and it will be a better job and more well paid. This was a mantra that I held on to. It has come true, my new job is not as stressful, is better paid. I don't miss the old job even though I was there a long time and hugely invested in it when I was there.

They will presumably not want to pay to recruit someone if they can keep you and they may well struggle to find someone to replace you. I’d sit down with the boss and say I do not want to leave but you are driving me out with the lack of support. “ why would you bring in agency staff to support a new member but not me… ?” - ask the question. If they continue to stall about the support I would be minded to formally resign, to not stay on longer than my notice period and not be too helpful with the recruitment of your replacement. They seem like piss takers to me - they’ve known you’re struggling and have let you run yourself into the ground.

would it help to reframe the question so you can feel happier with your decision.
It doesn’t sound like a good job to me with all the stress and pressure. These are tangible things that it is necessary to walk away from if they are sustained. It would be different if it was temporary.
Trust yourself and i wish you luck in finding a new path.

Thank you for your replies.

I think I'm going to sleep on it one more night to see if I want to ask my boss if the agency support could be given to me instead.

I'm still not sure as they have indeed watched me struggle for years and dismussed my requests and even if they promised the support, would they keep me waiting again?

I think I'm getting cold feet, worrying about the cost of living and the job market, even though the reasons for leaving are to save my sanity and health.

I'm still not sure as they have indeed watched me struggle for years and dismussed my requests and even if they promised the support, would they keep me waiting again?

Yes, more than likely. They've become very used to you doing too much and it will be very hard to reset that relationship. How assertive are you?

I do think you should secure a new job before giving formal notice, though. It's a lot easier to find a job when you're already employed.

This means you can do a "both / and":

Get the agency AND start job-hunting.

When you secure new job, the agency will help provide some resource/continuity/handover for a new recruit.

I was given the advice of find a job while you still have a job. So I don’t know how different it would be to quit first. That period of time was stressful due to the ongoing work stress. On the other hand, I could continue to pay the mortgage and bills.

On balance I think there WILL be a better job for you out there and you won't regret changing your job.

Not that assertive, hence me taking on more and more. I have improved with my boundaries a bit.

I have decided to speak to my boss again today to see if there are any options left. I spent the night worrying about money and a few bills that are due.

The good thing is that you hold all the cards now.
I would tell them that you will only agree to stay on extra and help with recruitment after (and ONLY after) some agency support materialises. You know them well enough by now that they will take the piss if you let them, so hold your ground on this.

Then use the extra time to job hunt like mad.

The job is making you sick and having long term impacts on your health. Good pension is useless if you’ve died from stress.
Your employer / manager does not care about you behind your work output. This is evident in that they will not recruit some one to share the load or use agency to support you, but will happily do so, and even use /pay you to support a new recruit. So they can afford to hire someone to job share with you now, they choose not to do so.
Likely they hope to hire someone in less money than you, but will probably end up paying more to just get someone to fill the position, plus pay for agency.
No answers, but hope you get better employers soon.

They are completely taking the piss out of you. Presumably they’d also want you to stay on and train up any new staff?? I’m with @Alphabet1spaghetti2 , good luck with the job hunt. You’ll find something better.