I'm not having Mother's Day this year

[MothersDayNotHappening]

Mothers Day falls on my ExHs weekend, he won’t return her to me in time, I know it. It’s happened before. He’ll take DC away to his grandparents with his mother so I can’t pick them up early (Only 1 DC).

Background: There’s a CAO in place for EOWend Friday to Sunday that’s it. He was offered weekday contact and turned it down. Father’s Day every year if it falls on my weekend I let him know and let DC go to him, buy presents yet he claims not to know when Mother’s Day is.

It’s not worth going back to court over not for financial or fear reasons but because he’s already slowly turning DC against me (and yes I’ve been unable to prove it in court so the contact carries on – DC claims it’s their own thoughts, and the school refused to get involved wouldn’t even give a statement to cafcass so no proof) and this would just be something else to beat me with.
I’ve resigned myself to it, but I’m gutted.

I’m the bigger person than him, I’ll still get DC to buy presents for him for Fathers Day and his birthday and Christmas because he of course forgets them to but it does sting a bit that not only do I do all the grunt work; all the school runs, all appointments, all illness etc. And yet I don’t even get the 1 day a year I’m supposed to with them.

Anyone else not going to be seeing their DC on MDs? What will you do instead?

My ex does this to me. Back in my single mum days pre meeting my now husband and having two more kids I used to have a lovely day just completely doing whatever I wanted. Usually a nice lie in and just reading. Then a take away in the evening watching my favourite costume dramas.

boring to some maybe but it made me happy.

hope you have a good day when it comes

It's in our court order that mother's day is with me and father's Day is with him. Why are you buying him presents though? He has family. They can take the kids out to buy him presents.

If I were alone on mother's Day I'd treat myself to a spa day

Swap then! Have a great Mother's Day in June! Weather will be better to have a day out with dc anyway! Don't let him have one over on you op.
One year exh refused to let me see dc. At all.
We have full Xmas day on 24th.. Stockings out 23rd the lot.
Exh flipped his bloody lid.
He wasn't such a cunt about Christmas after that.
Still was about everything else though.

never bother with mothers day, it s just a day, dont worry about it. I used to let my kids make me a cup of tea in bed, thats all. Its not a traditional day or worth anything at all really, its just a hallmark occasion

@TeddyBeans Because my DC asks me to buy him presents and I'm the bigger person not a point scorer.

@Eastereggsboxedupready I can't do that, I have been advised by my solicitor not to ignore the order, even if he does because it looks petty and I could find myself losing residency.

Been there! My ex even went so far as to drive 100 round trip to DC’s school to get them to sign a MD card for his partner (OW) and another year took his partner and our DC’s away to a luxury hotel for the weekend, so that they could celebrate MD ‘in style together’ ( his words not mine)

I got nothing!

Instead, DC’s and I chose a different Sunday for our own MD.
DC’s LOVED it, saying it was special because it was ‘just ours’. I remember their little faces - ‘no one else in the whole wide world has MD today - just special you mummy’.

@MTIH I love that idea thank you!

Best thing to do is just don't mention Mother's Day. Don't let him know it bothers you. Use that child free time to do something really special for you, go to the spa, get a massage and an afternoon tea for one and then plan a special MD tea for when the kids come home

The best thing you can do is speak to your child. Take them to the card shop and give them some money so they can choose a card for you. Let them write it, to you from them.

Give them £5 and take them to the supermarket. Tell them you would love some bubble bath/chocolates whatever And let them choose and pay 'in secret'. Give them a gift bag to pop it all in. Give them the gift of making it special for you and you the gift of the joy on their faces.

Do not let him have control over any part of this.

Instead, DC’s and I chose a different Sunday for our own MD.

We do this too, only because the weather in March is more likely to be crap. So I have a MD in lieu on a later weekend when I get to choose what we do for it. Places are less crowded and like PP's DC say, it feels more special for us because we chose it.

Best of all, if you do this you take your Ex's power to upset you away from him, that's a fab win.

Why are you buying him presents? That’s so strange. That’s not being the bigger person, it’s just odd behaviour as your children sound old enough to be asking for them? If so, get them to make a card and explain you don’t buy your divorced husband gifts.

You could have your own Mother's Day on an international Mother's Day, for instance Sunday 4th June for France or Sunday 14th May for USA.

You could make the country the theme for the day, croissants or pain perdu for breakfast, pâté & toast for lunch, moules & frittés for supper, or American pancakes for breakfast and hamburgers for dinner followed by an American movie with popcorn 🍿 🍿 if your child is old enough to enjoy that type of thing.

Don't let him control your happiness, he's your ex now. Be cleverer than him, make life fun for you and your child in ways he hasn't thought about, and can't control. (I bet he loves to be in control!! ) *

We won't be celebrating Mother's Day on the day, so we have agreed to celebrate on a different Sunday.

I don’t think it makes sense to vary an EOW pattern for a day that’s just commercial nonsense - which Father’s Day certainly is, and there are many people these days who even know the church’s role in Mother’s Day.
That doesn’t make him not an arsehole… but in picking your battles, this isn’t one.

I get that if kids ask to do a present for daddy there’s a pressure to help. But keep it simple - a homemade card and a pair of socks will do. Maybe let them bake cookies instead of socks - easy to leave them in long enough that they’re shit without actually antagonistically burning them 😉

To some people it does mean something though

Change your mindset here op.
As above all are great suggestions to take the power away from him. Decide with dc that your special day together is one you know you are all together. Tell them, AND YOURSELF, this is your special day together and make it work for you.
Taking power away from xh is so satisfying. Fuck buying the father any more pressies. Homemade cards and shitty little homemade cakes will do him going forward or more socks.. on repeat. Or a bunch of grass from the garden

This thread is 4 months old, and mother's day is but a distant memory. How did you even find it?