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Original poster

Are well-behaved children confident or do children gain confidence from pushing boundaries?

34 replies

AGoldenNarwhal · 12/02/2023 14:07

There have been a couple of threads on here today which have made me wonder about this, so I'm interested in people's views.

If you had a child who, when younger, would sit and colour in or chat nicely in restaurants without any issues, could sit still for long periods, rarely caused any problems in the classroom, wasn't loud or annoying and was generally very easy to take anywhere and you could be sure that they would behave, have they developed to be happy and confident, and comfortable with putting themselves forward and fighting their corner where necessary?

Likewise, if your child was the type who had trouble sitting still, fidgeted constantly, pushed boundaries, made lots of noise and generally took up space, how have they turned out?

I have one of each type but mine are still very young. I'm particularly interested in the experiences of parents with older/grown-up children.

OP posts:
Reindear · 12/02/2023 17:09

I have one of each. Younger one is louder and definitely more confident

smileladiesplease · 12/02/2023 17:13

I had 4 and my lads were very physical very chatty very full on. Muschevious snd ring leaders

My girls were dreams would sit well and colour. Both chatty but good as gold at school.

I would say my girls are extremely confident while my lads slightly less so but all are resilient and happy.

lilacclementine · 12/02/2023 17:34

DD (17) was often in trouble, always loud, very argumentative (I spent some time researching oppositional defiance disorder before realising she was just a being a bugger). She's wildly popular, hasn't been in on a weekend night in years and travelled all over Europe visiting friends on her own last summer. However inside she's often pretty anxious, worried what people think and say about her. A lot of the noise is bluster and she's actually pretty nervy. Hides it well to everyone but me.
DS (12) is very different. He's a narrow emotional range, but generally has the dial set at "pretty happy". Quiet, well behaved, teachers love him. Every single one of his teachers at a recent parents evening referenced his difference to his sister in some way which pissed me off for both of them. He's a rule follower and socially has a small circle of friends who he sticks with. He's amazingly quietly confident though. Didn't mention he was standing for school council until he stood up in assembly to make his speech and his sister nearly fell off her chair! Came 3/7 and was really pleased with himself- no angst about not winning, just happy he'd done ok. He speaks up when something doesn't seem right and stands up for his values.
They're polar opposites but very devoted to each other. He's the only other person other than me who sees DD's anxiety and worries about her.

Sometimes the noise is to hide the nerves.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
eveoha · 12/02/2023 17:40

Have a read of ‘French children don’t throw food’ - a veritable eye opener 👍🏿☘️

RampantIvy · 12/02/2023 17:42

If you had a child who, when younger, would sit and colour in or chat nicely in restaurants without any issues, could sit still for long periods, rarely caused any problems in the classroom, wasn't loud or annoying and was generally very easy to take anywhere and you could be sure that they would behave, have they developed to be happy and confident, and comfortable with putting themselves forward and fighting their corner where necessary?

No, not at all. DD has always been shy and anxious. She behaved herself because she didn't want to be shouted at by the teacher. She has never, ever wanted to be the centre of attention. She hated her graduation because there was a room full of hundreds of people looking at her when she went up on to the stage.

bloodymary100 · 12/02/2023 17:44

I have two well behaved kids (for the most part and only by comparison to these few other kids we know!) - both are very confident but in different ways- the eldest, quietly confident and knows her own mind. The youngest is much louder and borders on bossy. They have one confident parent (me) and one shy parent (DH) so it was always going to be 50:50

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 12/02/2023 17:49

DD was always very well behaved both at home and at school, but she is also exceptionally confident. So I'm not sure that she really fits your theory tbh.

FrangipaniBlue · 12/02/2023 18:32

DelilahBucket · 12/02/2023 14:15

DS is nearly 15. He's always been chilled out, never been in trouble at school, hardly been any bother at all, was taking him for meals out as a toddler and he'd happily sit playing with his trains or colouring etc. He has been a chatter box from the moment he could speak.

He's a very confident teen, will stand up for himself and his friends when he needs to but not in an aggressive way. He's still pretty chilled out, not having many "teen" problems as of yet. That could all change though, we'll see. He's an only child at home, with four half siblings at his dad's, although only two of them live there. I don't know if being an only at home and spending a lot of time with adults has impacted on his personality.

This could've been written about mine!!!

Nishky32 · 12/02/2023 18:33

If you had a child who, when younger, would sit and colour in or chat nicely in restaurants without any issues, could sit still for long periods, rarely caused any problems in the classroom, wasn't loud or annoying and was generally very easy to take anywhere and you could be sure that they would behave, have they developed to be happy and confident, and comfortable with putting themselves forward and fighting their corner where necessary?

yes, both are confident. Lots of factors involved I think

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