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Original poster

Bigging other people's achievements up

11 replies

Rainbowredddy · 12/02/2023 10:22

I was going to put this in AIBU but know that everyone would probably tell me to get a grip.

My 8 year old daughter went to a fancy dress event recently. We decided what her costume would be, and over the past few weeks I have been sewing, stitching, glueing and embroidering the costume as and when I got the chance. I work full time so this was a labour of love. I love crafty things and so I really put my heart into it.i have the say, the result was worth it. My daughter loved it and couldn't get over how 'professional' it looked. I showed it to my husband and sister in law who was visiting, and they were very impressed at how it turned out.

Dh took some photos of DD before the event and put it on his family's whatsapp group. None of them knew I had hand crafted it and you wouldn't have known from the photo. I've never done anything like this before and rarely do much crafty stuff so they wouldn't have known it was even on my radar.

Everyone on the group commented on what a good costume it was. I didn't want to say 'yeah I made it myself' because I felt a bit shy to, but assumed DH or SIL would maybe say something. Nothing, and then the chat moved on. I realised that I would have liked them to know I had made it, just to get the credit I guess.

I know had the situation have been reversed I would have made sure everyone knew my dh or sil were given the credit they were due. I always big other people's achievements up. I don't know why.

Anyway, maybe I'm just a big old narcissist who craves the approval of others! Maybe the costume wasn't as good as I think it was. I'm over it now 😄 but it got me thinking about being proud of others and wanting them to have their minute to shine, especially if they are modest or feel weird about tooting their own horn.

Do you do it or do you like it when other people do it to you?

OP posts:
PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 12/02/2023 10:25

When they said it was a great costume, you should have said 'Thank you, I spent a long time making it, so your words mean a lot to me' or something on similar lines.

UserNameSameGame · 12/02/2023 10:28

Kindly, I think they probably assumed that as you didn’t say anything then you didn’t want any attention over it. Your DH set it up for you by posting the photos. I think it was all well intentioned.

WimpoleHat · 12/02/2023 10:29

I realised that I would have liked them to know I had made it, just to get the credit I guess.

I think you could have said “Oh - thank you! Took me ages, though - not sure I’ll be repeating that next year!” or something throwaway like that, which would serve to get the message across. That wouldn’t be seen as showing off at all.

Original poster
Rainbowredddy · 12/02/2023 10:40

Even that felt too braggy at the time and I thought DH or SIL will say something in a minute (we were altogether at the time) and nobody did and the conversation moved on. I hate bragging but do secretly like when other people do it for me. False modesty is maybe the word, but imagine other people feel similar? How do you all feel about this sort of thing? Do you hate public praise or secretly love it?

OP posts:
Daydre4mer · 12/02/2023 10:45

I think saying ‘I actually made it!! Really pleased how it turned out ‘
Is not what I’d call braggy to be honest

ive realised as I get older, don’t rely on others to say things/do things that are particularly important to you!

I couldn’t wait on a WhatsApp group for someone to say something affirming.

HerbalTeaAndCake · 12/02/2023 10:50

Just say "aw thanks guys. Took bloody ages to make but am pleased with how happy it made her 💛". Or some such.
Stop overthinking & expecting people to be mind readers!

WandaWonder · 12/02/2023 10:53

Rainbowredddy · 12/02/2023 10:40

Even that felt too braggy at the time and I thought DH or SIL will say something in a minute (we were altogether at the time) and nobody did and the conversation moved on. I hate bragging but do secretly like when other people do it for me. False modesty is maybe the word, but imagine other people feel similar? How do you all feel about this sort of thing? Do you hate public praise or secretly love it?

If you wanted praise you should say something, I neither hate or love praise, if I get it I say thanks and am pleased if I actually deserve it but I don't care if people notice or not

I don't need praise by proxy or whatever, I give praise if I feel I want too

Why do others have to seek praise for you I find that odd?

PrincessFluffyPants · 12/02/2023 10:55

Be grateful it wasn't mentioned or you would have been inundated with people asking you to make costumes for them, with no notice, a budget of £5 and no idea of how long these things take to do.

Original poster
Rainbowredddy · 12/02/2023 11:17

PrincessFluffyPants · 12/02/2023 10:55

Be grateful it wasn't mentioned or you would have been inundated with people asking you to make costumes for them, with no notice, a budget of £5 and no idea of how long these things take to do.

Haha!

OP posts:
Original poster
Rainbowredddy · 12/02/2023 11:43

This is all in light heartedness, by the way! I'm not upset about it 😀

OP posts:
Alexandernevermind · 12/02/2023 12:50

Ha ha, I agree with @PrincessFluffyPants, it's best they don't know; every weekend will be taken up with making children's party outfits for favours!

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