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Original poster

“Single parent”. Is that when you’re split or there’s no dad

33 replies

Theos · 12/02/2023 08:54

Genuine query. Respect to all shapes and sizes of parents

Listening to an audiobook about a woman who describes herself as a single parent, but there is a father who also has shared custody obviously.

so my question is - if you’re divorced and coparent are you a single parent

OP posts:
Itisbetter · 12/02/2023 08:55

Single, not part of a couple
parent, mother or father of a child

WiIson · 12/02/2023 08:56

I would say so. What else would you call them?

If someone is widowed I'd call them a lone parent. Same if there's no partner in the picture at all.

LoraPiano · 12/02/2023 08:56

In my view a single parent is when there is no other parent in the picture. But I think the use of single mum/dad in the shared custody is becoming quite commonplace.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
GoodChat · 12/02/2023 08:57

A single parent is someone who has no partner and is in sole care of their child when they have their contact time.

Overthebow · 12/02/2023 08:58

I’d say split is a single parent, no dad is a lone parent.

Sunflowersinthewind · 12/02/2023 08:58

I call myself a lone parent as no dad in the picture. Single parent to me means split up from the other parent but they are still around. I use lone otherwise people don't get that I don't have literally anyone else to look after my child

ZenNudist · 12/02/2023 09:00

Itisbetter · 12/02/2023 08:55

Single, not part of a couple
parent, mother or father of a child

This. You can be a SP with 50 50 access arrangements. Otherwise you'd be a lone parent (but also a single one).

NancyJoan · 12/02/2023 09:03

Single parent: only one of the parents living in the household.

vivaespanaole · 12/02/2023 09:03

I've been a single parent. And always felt uncomfortable describing myself as that as I had a supportive co parent. I think like others I was confused with the terms single parent and lone parent. But even still as a single parent there was a huge difference between myself with a supportive co parent who had kids several nights a week and was reliable and friends whose ex had kids one night a week and would bail on that regularly. Guess all it proves is that every situation is unique.

BounceyB · 12/02/2023 09:04

You might use it but the reality is that it is different. I'm single and a parent, dad is around- we make big decisions together. I have a friend who is a single parent dad isn't around - she has to make all the big decisions by herself.

Original poster
Theos · 12/02/2023 09:05

I think it’s the big decisions aspect that would stress me if I were alone. When you think you’re going mad about some behaviour issue at school or when they can go out to parties or something and you just want someone who knows them and gets the whole situation

OP posts:
Original poster
Theos · 12/02/2023 09:06

Or they’re 6 and keep getting ear infections. But then if there’s another parent around you can juggle.

I had lots of times where I had three of mine for weeks on end by myself actually quite liked it. Permanently? Nope

OP posts:
justusandmoo · 12/02/2023 09:08

I'd never class someone who co-parents as a single mother or father. I never thought this when I was single brining up my daughter as her dad was always around. I was single and a parent but I didn't really put the two together tbh.

Usernamesarenoteasy · 12/02/2023 09:09

I'm a single parent, dad is 'around' if you can call once a month around. He has no interest in any decisions big or small, schools, a levels, college, medical requirements etc so I make them all myself.

Foxgluv · 12/02/2023 09:09

I don't class co parents as single parents.

BertieBotts · 12/02/2023 09:11

Split = single parent. That's not new usage at all. It's been that way since at least the 80s/90s! The newspapers all used to bang on about single mums.

Agree lone is a bit more weighted towards one parent with no other or no input from the other.

Also have seen "solo parenting" recently, to mean when you have a partner but they work away for extended periods.

I think it’s the big decisions aspect that would stress me if I were alone. When you think you’re going mad about some behaviour issue at school or when they can go out to parties or something and you just want someone who knows them and gets the whole situation

No I find this really stressful to try and work out with DH! It's much easier when I can just take my own instincts and opinions into account Grin

AdamRyan · 12/02/2023 09:12

I call myself a single parent at work but have 50/50 contact time with ex.
It's to make it clear to colleagues I have limited options when I have the kids

purpleme12 · 12/02/2023 09:12

A single parent is a parent who is single and a parent, as the title says.
So yes the dad can have the child sometimes and the mum would be a single parent.

Groutyonehereagain · 12/02/2023 09:14

Unfortunately the term has been used in a derogatory manner, usually directed at women.

PermanentTemporary · 12/02/2023 09:15

Im a widow and I guess a single parent but I always felt a fraud saying so as it only happened when ds was 14 so I had one extremely easy teenager. Lone parent was true but also felt too emotive. If I'm honest it was a much simpler situation than parenting with my late dh and his horrible illness. I liked single parent as it was a factual description. I'd try not to assume much about a single parent except I'd think they were the only parent at that address.

Original poster
Theos · 12/02/2023 09:15

BertieBotts · 12/02/2023 09:11

Split = single parent. That's not new usage at all. It's been that way since at least the 80s/90s! The newspapers all used to bang on about single mums.

Agree lone is a bit more weighted towards one parent with no other or no input from the other.

Also have seen "solo parenting" recently, to mean when you have a partner but they work away for extended periods.

I think it’s the big decisions aspect that would stress me if I were alone. When you think you’re going mad about some behaviour issue at school or when they can go out to parties or something and you just want someone who knows them and gets the whole situation

No I find this really stressful to try and work out with DH! It's much easier when I can just take my own instincts and opinions into account Grin

Really? I think when they are teens and you have to address things like mobile phone news and drinking and stuff

OP posts:
Teeshirt · 12/02/2023 09:16

Yes, that is a single parent - with 50:50 co parenting.

PuttingDownRoots · 12/02/2023 09:17

Single parent... one adult household with kids. Can vary from co parenting properly to the lone parents who do everything themselves.

But my friend who is a single parent (no dad whatsoever) lives with her mother, so they split logistical stuff and ots a two income household.

In truth... families come in all shapes and sizes.

(My employer sometimes describes me as a single parent as DH works away... but its referring just to logistical matters as I have sole responsibility for the childcare. I'm not a single parent, but do have a single adult household)

dogattacktoday · 12/02/2023 09:18

Single parent = split and some sort of shared custody

Lone parent = doing it all on their own, no other parent on the scene at all

StressedToDeathhhh · 12/02/2023 09:18

I would say I'm a single parent to my girls - I'm single, and the kids dad doesn't have them overnight, just takes them out for a few hrs here and there, generally once a week. My eldests dad has completely disappeared so I'd say I'm a lone parent to him.
In a 50/50 sort of arrangement I'd say you were a coparent (although still a single parent if you're single)