Toddler sleep

[Pinkstardust]

Just thought I’d like to hear opinions about toddlers sleep habits . My little granddaughter has never had a regular bedtime routine. She is 2 and a half . My Dil keeps her up until 9.30, 10, or even 10.30 most nights and then they go to bed together in the parents bed . Even when we go to visit them my dil will go to bed with her instead of putting her to bed and coming back out .My gd has never learnt to self soothe and can not and will not go to bed by herself . She does have her own bedroom but it’s not used hardly at all . She has been with her mum 24/ 7 since she was born ,covid was a part of that too ,up till a few months ago when her mum got a part time job. There have only been 2 evenings in her life when her parents went out together for the evening and I babysat . Once in my house where I could not put her to bed . She screamed the house down , tried to hide under the bed , there was no consoling her and that was even with me staying in the room and trying to sleep with her , because she can’t go by herself.I had to take her out and she finally fell asleep with exhaustion around 11pm , then her parents came back from their evening out to pick her up . The second time I looked after her was at her place . Come 9.30, 10, 11, there was no way she would go to bed . She cries , I also can’t just leave her in the room , I would have to stay with her in the bed but she didn’t want none of it anyway. She was up at the front door pining for her mum . It’s the same with a day time nap . Her mum goes to sleep with her also . Since her mum has worked I’ve looked after her during the day . Same story with naps, hates going and cries . My son can’t put her to bed , only her mum, but that’s the way they structured themselves. She does wake up
alot at night too . Maybe she’s over stimulated because she’s up too late . I’m not sure .

If it's working for them then it's fine. Toddler sleep can be all over the place, 2.5 is still so little and cosleeping is normal.
If you find it difficult to after her then you can say no, but it's not your place to tell them how to parent if that's what you're thinking.

No , I am not saying she is too hard for me to look after, not sure where you got that from ,we have so much fun . I also did not indicate that I wanted to advise them on parenting, not sure where you got that from either. I was asking about sleep habits of toddlers . Actually, my dil is exhausted all the time . Always lack of sleep .

No way I could operate like that but each family, and child, to their own. I love a routine, it gives me and my toddler a level of certainty about what's going to happen when.
He has self settled from 6mo, sleeps in his cot in his room, naps for 1.5hr each day and bed by 8pm.
Does she have a comfort toy/blanket? This helps my son feel secure on his own.

They need routine. My son goes to bed at 9.45pm at 10 months because it works. He sleeps between 8 and 10 hours and gets all his naps. I know he's not a toddler yet but they need routine

I’d go mad if that was me. I like putting my beloved babies away to bed at the end of the day! But given that you don’t want to give them advice not sure what you’re hoping for from this thread?

Unfortunately this sounds a lot like my house. My 2yo ds doesn't need a huge amount of sleep, he doesn't go to bed until 9.30pm (but we don't have to get him up til 7.45am) but he will NOT sleep alone or in his own room. Either me or dh have to stay with him til he falls asleep in our bed, and if we're lucky we can sneak back down to the living room for an hour before he wakes again. He's still awake up to 4 times a night. It's not ideal, but we have gone through him screaming til he's almost sick and it's just not worth it for us. I think some toddlers just don't sleep well and that's all there is to it. I'm living for the day he decides he wants to go to his own bed!
I doubt your dil has orchestrated it to be this way, and I bet she'd love some down time to herself but it's probably not worth it to her to put your gd and herself through the stress of sleep training.

Not after advise to give my dil . She’s head strong and does things her way . I know babies are all different, my son was nothing like it . He slept through the night at 6 weeks of age and was always in his cot at 8 there abouts . I was just curious as to whether this is common because it seems so extreme to me .

It is extreme.
However it isn't uncommon, either.
Some parents just have no idea how to get their babies into a routine.
I'm sure your DIL would love to get a proper night's sleep, but she's made a rod for her own back now.
MN is awash with threads about babies and toddlers who sleep in their parents' beds and wake up all night long. It's a shame your son can't put his child to bed.

Tbh your experience seems extreme to me and not representative of baby sleep at all

My experience of my son sleeping through at 6 weeks is not real ??? Of course some babies sleep through the night at that age . How ridiculous to think that’s extreme ?? Except when they are sick of course Clearly I was lucky . He was a good sleeper. You clearly seem ignorant of some babies sleep patterns.

It's a little bit unusual, to be fair. Not unheard of though.
My third baby did sleep through from six weeks and I was surprised.
The others took about five or six months.
I always put them in their cots, in their own rooms, at about 7pm.
They were all fully breastfed.

OP, how many children did you have, out of interest?
I had four and their sleeping patterns were all slightly different, although they all slept in their own cots.

it is common in some cultures in the world (it’s it China or another country around that region of Asia where usually children Co-sleep with their mother until they are 5 🤔? From a biological point of view all mammals and lots of other animals keep their young in physical contact with them overnight for warmth and protection until the offspring is truly independent - so it’s a pretty recent thing for humans to put babies and young children to sleep in another room). No one tries to take a baby bear off a Mumma bear is what my friend always tells any one who moans that they’re not getting enough cuddles with their newborn grandchild. We didn’t cosleep because I struggled to stay asleep with a star fishing child - but we did have one of children in our room for years in a bed next to ours as recurrent tonsillitis left then anxious in the night.

Agree!

You also don't come across too positive about your DIL she's headstrong and does things her own way well of course she does with her own child 🤦

I do think that babies sleep better if they have their own rooms.

Sounds like an absolutely nightmare to me. My toddler is nearly 2 and he’s hard enough work even with a full night’s sleep.

We did sleep training at 6 months and I’m forever grateful we did because it seems the older they get the harder it is to make a change, and then you just have to wait until they magically start sleeping better themselves.

Before the sleep training he was an awful sleeper though - I do think your experience of your DS sleeping through from 6 weeks is extremely unusual.

Most of my friends with toddlers who didn’t sleep train have some element of co sleeping or the toddler coming into their bed halfway through the night. They still have set bedtimes though - much earlier than your grand daughter.

It does also come across that you’re blaming your DIL for the situation and saying very little about your DS. I’m sure this isn’t ideal for either of them.

Yep my son went in his own room at 11 weeks and slept through the night

Agree, but only from an age where it becomes safer to put them in their own room (6m+) and not before where the SIDS risk is much higher. (www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/reduce-the-risk-of-sudden-infant-death-syndrome/).

They do reach a point room-sharing when you disturb them as much as they disturb you!