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Original poster

What would you do? Childminder problems :(

31 replies

Cirque1 · 10/02/2023 18:44

I changed a few details to be less identifiable. But basically this happened to us today:
We live in the SouthEast. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and an almost 1 year old son.
They go to a childminder full-time (me and my husband both work full-time, we have no family nearby to help with childcare)
The childminder is actually two childminders, they are two sisters who live opposite each other in the same street.

This morning we kept our daughter at home, because she had diarrhoea. We did send our son in as he was fine.
This afternoon I got a sms saying our son had vomited, if we could please pick him up. Which surprised me, because my son was completely fine this morning.
Anyway, I drove there to pick my son up. When I came to the door, none of the childminders were there. The mother of the 2 sisters, who is in her 70s, was looking after the children and handed over my son to me. There were a few toddlers of other parents as well. The big car of one of the childminders was gone, which meant she was doing the school pickup ( I believe). I instinctively looked across the road, where the other childminder lives. I saw her exiting her house. I don't think she wanted to be seen by me, but when she noticed I saw her, she shouted over: "Oh, she (the woman in her 70s) is just putting on his ( my son's )jacket".
I fully expected her to come back to the house, but instead she walked off and left the road. I have got no idea where the hell she went ( was it to see her GP? Go shopping? Have her nails done? Meet a friend for a coffee?).It was obvious to me that she planned to go somewhere, because she had a jacket on and a handbag over her shoulder.
I noticed at home that my son isn't sick, he is a bit unsettled, but we fed him and gave him milk and he kept his food down.

To be absolutely clear, this isn't the first time that I noticed them having this arrangement: That none of the childminders is at home, while the older woman looks after the children. This usually happens around the time when they do the school pickup.

They do have an excuse that one of them is gone ( to do the school pickup), but shouldn't the other childminder be at home to look after the children? When we signed our contract we signed the contract that our children would be in the care of these two childminders, not in the care of extended family members.

This evening my husband and me thought we should text the childminders to ask what the name of their mother is and if she has a childminding qualification.
But then we realised it isn't a good idea. We have a nursery place for both children from the end of August, when my daughter turns 3. They have no places before that.
I called another nursery this evening to find out if they have any places now. They said they have a long waiting list.
Until August, we have no other childcare than this childminder and we rely on them. We have no family nearby. We can't afford to lose our jobs. We are absolutely screwed. We are angry and we feel they are not taking their responsibilities sincerely and cutting corners.
We don't feel like our children are 100 % safe.
But we have no other option than to keep sending them there. We can't let them know we're onto what they are doing otherwise they will find a way to terminate our contract.
If we make an official complaint, they will just deny that this is happening.
What would you do in our shoes? xx Thanks for any advice

OP posts:
ScrantonDunderMifflin · 10/02/2023 18:47

Would it be worth speaking to other parents using the same CMs and see what you come up with together?

Original poster
Cirque1 · 10/02/2023 18:50

ScrantonDunderMifflin · 10/02/2023 18:47

Would it be worth speaking to other parents using the same CMs and see what you come up with together?

I don't really know the other parents. Other than saying a quick "hello" if I run in them in the morning. We never speak.

OP posts:
IsItBedtimeYetNope · 10/02/2023 18:51

I'd report them to Ofsted and look on Childcare dot com or similar websites for a short term nanny or childminder or advertise for one. I'd rather lose my job than leave my children in an unsafe situation.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds 2 year olds Childcare & nursery Families
Redlorryyellowlorryblue · 10/02/2023 18:52

It’s a difficult one. Are there any other options? Any other childminders? Could you afford a nanny? Could you both each cut down a day and then find a nursery for 3 days?

When I was little I had a childminder and my GM saw me being wheeled around town by a stranger. I got put into a nursery ASAP.

i would get them out ASAP, get evidence and report.

Reinventinganna · 10/02/2023 19:00

We don't feel like our children are 100 % safe.

But we have no other option than to keep sending them there.

I would rather have no job and no money if it kept my children safe. Your options are protect your children or don’t.
They might be okay, they might not.

Original poster
Cirque1 · 10/02/2023 19:02

Reinventinganna · 10/02/2023 19:00

We don't feel like our children are 100 % safe.

But we have no other option than to keep sending them there.

I would rather have no job and no money if it kept my children safe. Your options are protect your children or don’t.
They might be okay, they might not.

I am on childcare.co.uk at the moment messaging other childminders. We can't afford a nanny unfortunately.

OP posts:
winterpastasalad · 10/02/2023 19:08

Is there any particular reason you feel your dc aren't safe? Obviously the 2 childminders are in a major breach of contract, but nothing you said suggests the children are in danger. I wouldn't continue with them though, what else are they keeping from you?

Heyahun · 10/02/2023 19:11

I’d ask the childminders what’s going on!! They are unlikely to just throw you out if you start being difficult as there’s the risk of ofsted being called ??

Honestly you need to keep your kids safe I couldn’t drop them off not knowing who’s gonna look after them

Original poster
Cirque1 · 10/02/2023 19:12

winterpastasalad · 10/02/2023 19:08

Is there any particular reason you feel your dc aren't safe? Obviously the 2 childminders are in a major breach of contract, but nothing you said suggests the children are in danger. I wouldn't continue with them though, what else are they keeping from you?

I don't think they are evil or want to hurt the children deliberately. They don't follow correct procedure though having another family member look after the children, even if it is just for a short amount time. What happens if the older lady has a stroke while they are out? Is she trained to deal with a choking child? She is in her 70s. I am worried.

OP posts:
Sparkleshine21 · 10/02/2023 19:12

That is sooo weird and I’d be really uncomfortable. I don’t think I could take my child there again if I don’t know who’s looking after him. If you’re in the north west I’ll have him for you until august 🤣

Original poster
Cirque1 · 10/02/2023 19:13

Maybe we could afford a nanny share, but we have no friends that use nannies. Are there agencies that you could contact for nanny shares? Sorry if that's a stupid question, but we don't really move in the "rich" circles, where nannies are normal

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 10/02/2023 19:16

Are you sure she isn't registered as an assistant? It seems odd that the other childminder had absolutely no issue with you seeing that she was leaving the street/not looking after the children. They're not hiding what they're doing which suggests either it's ok or they're completely nuts!

Sparkleshine21 · 10/02/2023 19:17

Is there definitely no other childminders in your area? Check with the council they will have a list. Also maybe childcare.com for a day nanny or babysitter to tide you over until august?

MinnieMountain · 10/02/2023 19:18

I thought childminders always take their other mindees with them on the school run. DS’s does.

NuffSaidSam · 10/02/2023 19:18

Cirque1 · 10/02/2023 19:13

Maybe we could afford a nanny share, but we have no friends that use nannies. Are there agencies that you could contact for nanny shares? Sorry if that's a stupid question, but we don't really move in the "rich" circles, where nannies are normal

Your best bet is to advertise for a family who need a share and go from there. Or look out for other people advertising for a share (local Facebook page, word of mouth, childcare.co.uk)

If your childminder's get closed down you could maybe find someone there to share with?

Also, just be aware that if you found your current childminder from childcare.co.uk, she will get a notification if you update your childcare needs so maybe best to use a new email/account!

Wrongsideofpennines · 10/02/2023 19:18

I think you need to ask who the older woman is. And not just accept She's our mum, got loads of experience'. But find out who she is and how often this arrangement is happening.

When we signed our childminder contract it was made clear that the childminder would usually be present but we granted permission for DD to be left in the sole care of her assistant for no more than 2 hours or something. It also says if she is unavailable due to illness/emergency she will find appropriate cover such as another childminder. Is it possible you signed something like that and the older woman is qualified too and childminder needed to pop out to collect a prescription or something and was going to be back in 10 minutes?

Original poster
Cirque1 · 10/02/2023 19:19

NuffSaidSam · 10/02/2023 19:16

Are you sure she isn't registered as an assistant? It seems odd that the other childminder had absolutely no issue with you seeing that she was leaving the street/not looking after the children. They're not hiding what they're doing which suggests either it's ok or they're completely nuts!

We were never informed that she is their assistant. Wouldn't we be informed if there was someone else on the team?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cirque1 · 10/02/2023 19:21

Wrongsideofpennines · 10/02/2023 19:18

I think you need to ask who the older woman is. And not just accept She's our mum, got loads of experience'. But find out who she is and how often this arrangement is happening.

When we signed our childminder contract it was made clear that the childminder would usually be present but we granted permission for DD to be left in the sole care of her assistant for no more than 2 hours or something. It also says if she is unavailable due to illness/emergency she will find appropriate cover such as another childminder. Is it possible you signed something like that and the older woman is qualified too and childminder needed to pop out to collect a prescription or something and was going to be back in 10 minutes?

We definitely didn't sign a contract like this. In our contract no assistant is ever mentioned.

OP posts:
ladyvimes · 10/02/2023 19:21

Childminders are allowed to have other adults registered under them to do short term care, like watch the kids during the school run for example. My friend’s husband is registered to do this so he helps out occasionally when he’s around (works shifts). So this could be nothing strange but it sounds like there might be more going on that’s concerned you and that would make me at least look into other options.

NuffSaidSam · 10/02/2023 19:21

Cirque1 · 10/02/2023 19:19

We were never informed that she is their assistant. Wouldn't we be informed if there was someone else on the team?

Show quote history

You would think so, but who knows? They weren't trying to cover themselves were they? Her behaviour suggests she had no problem with you knowing that she was going/the Mum was in charge.

Why not check their registration with the council and see?

Original poster
Cirque1 · 10/02/2023 19:25

NuffSaidSam · 10/02/2023 19:21

You would think so, but who knows? They weren't trying to cover themselves were they? Her behaviour suggests she had no problem with you knowing that she was going/the Mum was in charge.

Why not check their registration with the council and see?

Show quote history

I do think she had a problem with being seen......she shouted over "she's just putting his jacket on".....I was under the impression she was trying to downplay the situation. How do I go about checking their registration?

OP posts:
Newlifestartingatlast · 10/02/2023 19:26

Call me old fashioned, but in my day your child minder didn’t take on more kids that’s they could take on the school run and have their own children in control /safely.

our childminder had 2 of her own older school age(juniors) and 2 under 5.

why the hell are childminders running mini and poorly staffed nurseries- especially when they’re not registered to

why the hell are thee 2 sisters: I’d have avoided that like a hot potato…for them both to make a living they’ve got to be each at max numbers and if they’re pooling into one house all their combined charges, they’re certainly breaking laws or contracts if one of them buggers off temporarily…let alone both

just no..bad arrangements

Original poster
Cirque1 · 10/02/2023 19:26

ladyvimes · 10/02/2023 19:21

Childminders are allowed to have other adults registered under them to do short term care, like watch the kids during the school run for example. My friend’s husband is registered to do this so he helps out occasionally when he’s around (works shifts). So this could be nothing strange but it sounds like there might be more going on that’s concerned you and that would make me at least look into other options.

But I assume your friend's husband is registered as her assistant then? He presumably had to do a criminal background check and maybe do some courses?

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 10/02/2023 19:27

Cirque1 · 10/02/2023 19:25

I do think she had a problem with being seen......she shouted over "she's just putting his jacket on".....I was under the impression she was trying to downplay the situation. How do I go about checking their registration?

Show quote history

Yeah, but didn't she then saunter off down the street? Or have I misunderstood?

You should check their registration details with council, they'll have a record of all registered childminder's. You should also be able to access their Ofsted reports.

Reugny · 10/02/2023 19:29

It also says if she is unavailable due to illness/emergency she will find appropriate cover such as another childminder.

OP does your contract have something like this in it?

There are other CMs who can cover for my CM who my DD knows as the mindees play together with those CMs present. However it seems that my CM who is never sick and is very active actually covers for other CMs in her circle.