School thinks DD has SEN

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I received an email that the SEN staff would like a meeting to discuss my child’s general behaviour and attitude, implying they believe she has SEN.
my dd is very quiet and shy, she’s always struggled socially for this reason but from my point of view she doesn’t show any common signs of SEN. I was the same as a child as I didn’t like attention or fuss so I kept to myself. Not all quiet children = SEN imo.
Im not sure how to process this information, I haven’t considered speaking to a doctor or getting a diagnosis as I’ve never seen my dd to show as needing to. I know she is likely different at school to home and as professionals they are likely very aware of what to look for, I guess I’m shocked they have ‘diagnosed’ my dd and wish to continue as if she has a diagnosis.
has anyone had this and how did it pan out for you? The school have hugely let my children down through various situations, they are currently on waiting lists for other schools but this feels like something else they want to criticise my parenting with. I know they’ll tell me I have let dd down by not getting her a diagnosis or noticing SEN, despite not believing she has any this is the general attitude I receive from the school.
She’s year 8 if this makes a different. Tia

If you don’t trust the school, then I’d recommend seeking an external assessment for your DD, or accessing a child and adolescent mental health professional, who could give you a more objective viewpoint and provide your DD with support. If you have had multiple meetings at the school and your DD is very different socially to her peers, realistically there is likely to be something going on. My DS does have additional needs (ADHD) and I’ve never needed to attend a meeting at the school, other than the typical parent-teacher. Your post suggests you might have some internal stigma around diagnoses and supports, but it might actually do your DD the world of good to get a formal diagnosis (if needed). Being able to understand the reason for the struggle is part of the battle.

SEN is different to send.

SEN is just special educational needs. It's for pupils who struggle to access education because they have a need that is greater than expected for their peers. It might be because your dd is quiet she doesn't ask for help when needed and therefore isn't completing her work. It's very possible they realise she could achieve better if she has the confidence or skills to ask for help or join in more.

Send is special educational need and disability. This is when pupils have an underlying condition which causes their SEN. For example autism or physical disability or sensory such as visually impaired. These pupils will need specialist support to access education and require an assessment and diagnosis (but likely already had one in come circumstances).

If just speak to them, listen and engage. Don't assume they are suggesting your DD has do,etching diagnosable. They are likely looking to work with you to help DD access her education better and wanting to help her via groups or nurture class etc.

Thanks for the helpful replies. Again to confirm I have no negativity towards any disabilities or sen needs as I have nephews who are autistic and have adhd and used to work with disabled children. Of course if there are clear signs my dd has autism or similar I will refer her for a diagnosis as I’m aware of signs to look for and any small concerns would push me to ask for help. My issue here is that the teacher in question has continuously contacted me for various reasons and this is now one of many. This is the first contact I have had regarding my dd and potential sen, previous meetings were about my elder child being bullied. I have kept communication open with the school throughout their time there, but I have been knocked down with offensive responses and criticism by this particular teacher. Again I shouldn’t have to defend myself than there are no concerning issues to warrant these meetings, it’s to ensure my elder child is kept safe. Of course I will go to the meeting, and I am also fully aware a teacher cannot diagnose medically, my comment was in context of her assumptions in the email that dd does have a diagnosis based on being quiet and shy. She has struggled due to being an August born and being a year behind academically, this has now become a potential sen concern to her school which is why I asked advice from parents who have been through this. Thanks again

I haven't read all the replies (I'm going up to bed!) But what I would say is this.

The school haven't 'diagnosed' her with anything. People forget that the E in SEN stands for Educational. There may be aspects of her behaviour that are impacting on her ability to learn etc but that doesn't mean they are diagnosing a condition. All they want to do is speak woth you to keep you informed about what they have observed, get your input and tell you want they plan to put in place at school to support her.

It's a positive thing not a negative.

Hang on, she's a year behind her peers academically and you're surprised they want to talk about her educational needs? Really?

It is really difficult when you have clashed with a teacher who then teaches your younger child. But this sounds to me very much about personalities and history rather than them doing anything wrong. Far too many children's additional needs can be missed until they get a year or two into secondary school and can no longer paddle fast enough. Most specifically quiet, well behaved girls.

It’s understandable that you don’t feel you have a rapport with this teacher. Remember they will be only one of many at the school. You can just go and listen and choose to keep your own thoughts etc to yourself. Then at home in your own time decide how to react. In fact be ready to say that ‘I am just listening and making notes today and I need to digest this.’ That might help you feel more in control over this. They might surprise you and be a good ally.

They may be right or wrong but you seem very defensive. They are not making a diagnosis, just recommending assessment in time to support her before exams if needs be. They are trying to engage and help your dd, not criticise or judge. In fact a diagnosis may explain some of the issues you raised before and felt judged for.