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Original poster

Help me increase my sex drive

18 replies

whatsnewpussycat34 · 09/02/2023 20:34

I'm 35 and have been with my partner for 7 years. I take a low dose SSRI which has completely quashed my sex drive.

I want to want sex, if you know what I mean. I love DP and I think he's gorgeous!

he's not too bothered if we're only having sex once or twice a week because we're both bloody knackered but to be honest, I just do it for him.

When we're fist together I was all over him!

Does anyone have any tips or advice to get my mojo back? Coming off the meds isn't an option unfortunately

Tia x

OP posts:
userxx · 09/02/2023 20:36

One or twice a week is once or twice more than I have it 😏. I'm hoping HRT will give me a much needed boost.

PermanentTemporary · 09/02/2023 20:38

Ah God antidepressants are a sex destroyer.

I mean, think positive, you are maintaining a pretty active sex life. Is it good/comfortable- would lube be a good idea? I think it makes everything better.

Do you like reading erotica beforehand? That works for me.

I'd have a chat with the GP about possible alternative antidepressants.

overthinkersanonnymus · 09/02/2023 20:41

userxx · 09/02/2023 20:36

One or twice a week is once or twice more than I have it 😏. I'm hoping HRT will give me a much needed boost.

Honestly I was being generous 😂😂

Chattycatty32 · 09/02/2023 20:42

The same thing happened to me when I was on antidepressants but then I switched to mirtazepine (probably spelt incorrectly) and I was fine after that

overthinkersanonnymus · 09/02/2023 20:43

PermanentTemporary · 09/02/2023 20:38

Ah God antidepressants are a sex destroyer.

I mean, think positive, you are maintaining a pretty active sex life. Is it good/comfortable- would lube be a good idea? I think it makes everything better.

Do you like reading erotica beforehand? That works for me.

I'd have a chat with the GP about possible alternative antidepressants.

It's not uncomfortable and my body does respond with its own lube 🥴 but it's just an automatic thing? Like I don't feel any urge or desire so to speak.

And that's what I'd like, to actually think "I fancy a bit" and then my body to react appropriately lol

Original poster
whatsnewpussycat34 · 09/02/2023 20:43

Name change fail 🙄

OP posts:
userxx · 09/02/2023 20:45

Like I don't feel any urge or desire so to speak

I hear you, loud and flippin clear.

Onepercent · 09/02/2023 20:46

The more you do it, the more you want it. I find anyway! If you want to want it, you love your husband, he isn’t pushing the issue, you’re comfortable, you enjoy it when you do it and all of that kind of stuff, just do it even if you don’t feel like it, you’ll enjoy it, it’ll release endorphins and all of that good stuff, it’ll hopefully make you feel close to your husband etc and you’ll want to do it more.

Original poster
whatsnewpussycat34 · 09/02/2023 21:38

That's pretty much how it is. I suppose I just miss the ache of wanting sex because I wanted sex. That throb in my loins so to speak.

I still play a good role 😂 I'd just rather have a cup of tea and watch gogglebox 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
FenghuangHoyan · 09/02/2023 21:52

I was the same on antidepressants and the only thing that helped in the end was coming off them.

Desmondo2021 · 09/02/2023 22:01

Following with interest as I have only had the burning in my loins once in the last 8 years. It was fabulous and made me realise why people like being in possession of a libido !!! I have no idea why this one particular night I was absolutely gagging for it, nothing was different. I tried hrt last year but it made me have a wobbly belly and as much as I want a sex drive I actually wanted my flat tummy more 🤣 is it too much to want both!! I'm not on any anti depressants but I am on a hormonal medication for acne but tbh I was the same before I was on that anyway. I've tried faking it til I make it and put out once or twice a week which is nice enough but I want the burning loins, the get to bed now and rip my clothes off...

Original poster
whatsnewpussycat34 · 10/02/2023 07:21

@Desmondo2021 I want burning loins too!! And not the type that needs treating with vagisil 😂

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 10/02/2023 07:41

Maybe a slight adjustment of expectations? If it’s regular and you enjoy when it happens, maybe take the pressure off yourself waiting around for the ‘urge’. I very rarely have the urge but always enjoy noneleless

BelleSauvage9 · 10/02/2023 08:07

Onepercent · 09/02/2023 20:46

The more you do it, the more you want it. I find anyway! If you want to want it, you love your husband, he isn’t pushing the issue, you’re comfortable, you enjoy it when you do it and all of that kind of stuff, just do it even if you don’t feel like it, you’ll enjoy it, it’ll release endorphins and all of that good stuff, it’ll hopefully make you feel close to your husband etc and you’ll want to do it more.

Right there with you op (though I'm not on antidepressants currently, just pregnant with a one year old!).

I want to want it!!

In keeping with this pp, I have said to dp that I'd like to try and plan to have sex every day for one week. I generally hate planned sex, I like it spontaneous, but I'd like to try in hope that my sex drive might pick up a bit. No idea if it's going to work, but thought I'd suggest to you since you asked 😊

Original poster
whatsnewpussycat34 · 10/02/2023 11:56

PermanentTemporary · 09/02/2023 20:38

Ah God antidepressants are a sex destroyer.

I mean, think positive, you are maintaining a pretty active sex life. Is it good/comfortable- would lube be a good idea? I think it makes everything better.

Do you like reading erotica beforehand? That works for me.

I'd have a chat with the GP about possible alternative antidepressants.

Oooooh can you recommend some erotica? I read the fifty shades books years ago and to be fair, it really helped 🤣

When I turn went looking for new books, they had the same theme. Submissive women and mild BDSM, which is fine, I just do want to read the same story over and over again just with different character names

OP posts:
Whatliesbeneath707 · 10/02/2023 19:28

Sara Cate books might suit you @whatsnewpussycat34 The Salacious Players are a group of 4 of her books & they are quite spicy.
TL Swan books are good but not along the BDSM lines. The Miles High books (4 of them again) are a good read. Also, the Mr series are not quite so tame as the Miles High ones. All of TL Swans books tend to be quite funny too. Hopefully they might get you interested in sex again. Good luck.

FenghuangHoyan · 11/02/2023 06:42

Oh, maybe just have nights where you do things which are intimate but not sexual, like massages, or cuddling up together or brushing your hair etc. That might take the expectation of yourself and it might build up the desire. I don't know, just stuff I remember reading in the past.

overthinkersanonnymus · 15/02/2023 10:26

@Onepercent I took your advice on the more you do it, the more you want to do it and I feel like it's definitely working!

I don't have the burning loins I crave (thanks SSRI) but since Friday, we've had sex every other day (that I've initiated) and I've actually gone to bed excited to have sex! It's not felt like an obligatory, weekly chore and I've actually enjoyed it.

If I didn't have my friend staying with me tonight, I might have even gone for a two nights in a row 😂

My point is, I have made more of an effort to engage and enjoy it and it seems to be working.

Thanks for all your advice ladies!

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