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Original poster

Would you move child from Grammar to local Academy?

29 replies

Mrs1010 · 09/02/2023 16:27

My child (year 8) wants to move from the Grammar school she is at and go to the local Academy. I’m really not keen but was looking for some outside perspective, as I’m not sure if I’m being logical.
She seems to be ok academically, lower sets but managing workload, homework etc but the main issue is she feels that she doesn’t have friends. She’s drifted from her primary school best friend (which I don’t think is a bad thing!) but she isn’t very outgoing and doesn’t put herself out there/join clubs etc to make new friends. She has people she sometimes meets at weekends from school, had a few sleepovers etc, and has people to eat lunch with but she feels that they all prefer others to her.
I said that I would put her on the waitlist for the other school, expecting it to take a while, and they’ve offered a place already. This has thrown me and I can’t seem to decide what’s for the best. It’s academic record is not as good, behaviour, staff turnover etc too, but she does have friends there, and they are doing well, and will be able to walk to and from school with them.
She has been asking for several months, but I’m not sure it’s the magic solution she thinks it will be. I know her academic outcomes are likely to be lower due to disruption in lessons, but is this more important than her being happy? I think my main issue is I’m not sure that she will be much happier and that I will ruin her future opportunities for nothing. Am I being dramatic? What would others do?

OP posts:
Ireallydohope · 09/02/2023 16:29

Move her if she's not happy

Ireallydohope · 09/02/2023 16:30

Academically she might thrive once she's happier

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 09/02/2023 16:32

She needs to be where she is happier. That’s where they thrive.

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EyesOnThePies · 09/02/2023 16:35

I know her academic outcomes are likely to be lower due to disruption in lessons,

Not necessarily. As a grammar ability student she will likely be in top sets.

And believe it or not grammar schools are no guarantee of great behaviour.

Quartz2208 · 09/02/2023 16:35

I agree I think that she could end up being more isolated and with less friends moving (there will be pre existing friendship groups etc). I am all for moving if it makes her happier I just agree it won’t solve the issue which is that she feels they prefer others to her.

was she one best friend in primary and no others

Original poster
Mrs1010 · 09/02/2023 16:43

She had one best friend through most of primary, who is now at her school. I didn’t think it was a particularly healthy friendship and she has distanced herself now but hasn’t been able to fill the gap if you know what I mean. The other girls she was friends with went to the new school in question. I am not sure she will make new friends easily wherever she goes, but these girls are a nice bunch so I was hoping that would be enough.

Thanks to all replies, I do know the new some staff at the new school and it’s certainly not a terrible place, but I do know some lower school lessons in particular can be quite bad.

I actually teach in another local secondary with probably a worse reputation and know that the older years in particular are great, hard working and succeeding, going to uni etc so I know it’s not necessarily the end of the world, I just don’t want to be hasty in case she’s in the same predicament in a ‘worse’ school and her education suffers too. I was hoping the process would be a bit longer, and if she was still unhappy into year 9 I would have moved her, I wasn’t expecting it to be so quick!

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 09/02/2023 16:48

does the fact she is in lower sets bother her - is it just not feeling she has a best friend or other stuff as well which moving will help with

PuttingDownRoots · 09/02/2023 16:53

Has she looked at gcse options at all?

Sit down together and make a pros/cins list for each school

Overall... she will probably do better where she's happier.

SummerInSun · 09/02/2023 16:59

Before making any decision, ask if you and your DD can do a tour of the school, ideally during the day, so she can get a feel for it. Also can you chat to the parents of any of her friends who go to that school to see how they feel about it?

Like other PP, I agree that her being happier is more important than the reputation of the schools, but she needs to work out whether she'll actually be happier or whether this is just a case of the grass being greener.

Also, at some point she does need to learn how to make new friends in new environments - although it's great to maintain old friendships, the skill of being able to start somewhere where you don't have friends and making new friends is more important long term than her maths or English grades

Aurorabored · 09/02/2023 17:10

There are often changes in friendships around year 8. Groups break up and new ones form. I’d be wary of her assuming that because she has friends at the academy she’ll automatically slot into their friendship groups. She might not be in the same classes as them for a start.

She’s understandably focused on what’s missing from her current school but it’s worth thinking about all the things that she has there. She isn’t being bullied, she feels safe at school, she has people to sit with at lunch, she’s happy with the classroom environment and can get on with her work without being distracted.

LawksaMercyMissus · 09/02/2023 17:17

I did this for DD at the same age...she lasted three days and begged to go back. Fortunately her place was still available. She was a lot more settled after she returned.

The issues at the very good school were some pretty challenging behaviour and a huge difference in academic attainment. Because the school was oversubscribed, they just slotted her into gaps for the setted subjects.

Chiasmi · 09/02/2023 17:19

Didn't you already make this decision when you put her name on the waitlist? It seems almost mean to have gone that far, let her get her hopes up, then turn round to her and say "oh no I won't let you go."

If she's going to move, the earlier the better. Y9 would be harder.

Chiasmi · 09/02/2023 17:25

LawksaMercyMissus · 09/02/2023 17:17

I did this for DD at the same age...she lasted three days and begged to go back. Fortunately her place was still available. She was a lot more settled after she returned.

The issues at the very good school were some pretty challenging behaviour and a huge difference in academic attainment. Because the school was oversubscribed, they just slotted her into gaps for the setted subjects.

This is a risk, and a significant one. But OP there is something to be said for being the parent who listens to her and allows her to take risks when she is brave enough to do so.

I think it shows a lot of character for a child to even ask to move. It's a really hard thing to do at this age when they are desperate to be on solid ground.

SnowFir · 09/02/2023 17:28

It depends what the other school is like. I live in a county with no grammars and the Comps send kids to top 10 unis every year, so her education won't necessarily be ruined.

CalistoNoSolo · 09/02/2023 17:38

Have you spoken to whoever is in charge of the pastoral care at her current school? They may have a buddy system in place and willl want to know if she's struggling to make friends. Does she do any school run clubs either during or after school? I would be very wary about moving her, she won't just fit in from day one and she may face nastiness because she's come from the grammar. I also think if she's bright enough to get into a grammar her academic ability may be wasted at a different school.

Ireallydohope · 09/02/2023 17:42

You can always arrange with her current school that if the new one doesn't work out that she could go back maybe

That's what I did with my DC

But as it turned out my DC thrived at their new school because they did have more friends and is academically doing better despite previous school having the better academic reputation

Which as it turned out was rubbish

Original poster
Mrs1010 · 09/02/2023 18:06

Thanks everyone, it’s good to hear different perspectives. I don’t think she minds being lower set, she seems more settled this year than last when they weren’t streamed so I think it’s helped her. I agree with pp who said that actually she has lots of positives- she might feel that she doesn’t have friends but no one is unkind, teachers are nice, achievements are recognised and she is invited to places. I think she had underestimated any potential negatives of the move- she thinks the girls in her classes are immature, but this will undoubtedly be worse at the other school.

I added her to the list having been told there were 8 children above her, so I think I was hoping that she would feel more settled by the time she reached the top. She has definitely improved since last year so this isn’t unrealistic. I happen to remember that friendships changed a lot in year 8 too, so I was hoping that she would find her people too.

Her pastoral lead has been helpful, offered to sit her with people in class, suggested clubs etc too, I really can’t complain but she’s not engaged with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrs1010 · 09/02/2023 18:10

I don’t think she would have the option to go back, but I can ask! I think more likely it will be filled and if she wanted to go back she would need to pass an entrance test again. I worry the cracks would appear after time, because she needs to learn how to accept friendships and put herself out there, and moving school isn’t going to change that without some effort on her part. She’s very teenage’ for her age, quite a solemn personality although very funny too but also quite emotional at times!

OP posts:
Floofyduffypuddy · 09/02/2023 19:05

Op I wouldn't move her at the moment.
I also don't feel it's the magic bullet
Does she do drama or a subject where there is more opportunity to talk?

If she is desperate wouid she be allowed a trial day in the other school?

I can't understand the setting issue students at grammar are all in different degrees the top set!

LlynTegid · 09/02/2023 19:06

Academies vary a great deal. Worth researching carefully about the one your DD would move to.

rattlinbog · 09/02/2023 19:53

I don't know the schools, but behaviour is SO important and you need to feel sure they behaviour at the academy will allow her to focus and succeed. Can the grammar help her make friends in any way?

Ireallydohope · 09/02/2023 21:06

To be honest Yr 7,8 and 9 can be horrific for lots of pupils so if she's safe and happy ish and getting in with work it might be best she stays

But maybe there's something she's just not telling you

As brilliantly as I get on with my DC they sometimes don't tell me things in case I decide to get too involved and sort it out making it worse in their eyes

Ireallydohope · 09/02/2023 21:08

And I rarely get involved with their school stuff

But it made me sad when one DC was telling me about the passive aggressive bulking she was dealing with in Yr 8

Ireallydohope · 09/02/2023 21:08

Bullying

Quartz2208 · 09/02/2023 21:19

DD is Year 9 grammar and they have a place in her class free (a friend moved to Private with her sister) and it has been offered to a girl at the local academy school. She has for 1/2 term come in for various classes on a Friday and been given the opportunity to decide if she wants to because it is a huge decision.

Do you think the schools would be open to this. I think it is a great idea to see if it fits and is what they should do because it is a hard decision. Particularly where I think for your daughter is it is ok where she is. Ok isnt great but it isnt terrible and it is hard to move.