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Original poster

Did anyone else feel overwhelming sadness after DC2?

13 replies

roarfeckingroarr · 09/02/2023 14:03

I'm going to keep this light because I don't want to cry yet again today.

I'm 6 days pp with a beautiful baby girl. She's wonderful and doing so well, eating and sleeping like a dream.

I also have a 2y4m old son, who has been the absolute light of my life since he was born. He's coping so well, a little clingy but very interested in and affectionate with the baby.

The problem is me. I feel so deeply, overwhelmingly sad about not being able to spend as much 1-1 time with my baby boy. I miss him, even though I'm now going to be spending more time with him (cut nursery from 4 to 3 days while I'm on mat leave). I miss it just being us and I miss him as a baby and younger toddler. I just feel so hopelessly lost and almost like I'm watching him from behind glass when I'm with him.

I want to just calm down and enjoy this lovely time. I'm so grateful for my daughter and I understand that it's probably hormones to an extent.

Did anyone else feel this way and have any advice?

OP posts:
Jb2182 · 09/02/2023 14:17

Hi OP. First of all, you've got this 💪

Secondly, I one hundred per cent know how you're feeling. I felt exactly the same when DD2 was born. I missed my DD1 so much (similar age difference to your children). It didn't help that DD2 was born during one of the lockdowns so I'd had weeks of just DD1 and I spending lovely days together. And I almost blamed DD2 for taking that time away from us. It took me weeks to bond with DD2 because of this. All I can say is, it does get better. DD2 turned 2 yesterday and I can't imagine life without her now. She just completed our family and her and her sister are best friends, which melts my heart ♥ Its still very early days for you but maybe when you're feeling up to it, ask DH or a family member to watch the baby for an hour or two so that you can have some one on one time with your DS? I remember taking DD1 up the road for a hot chocolate and an ice cream, just the two of us and being so happy but having an overwhelming sense of missing the baby too! There will probably always be mum guilt while they're so little but it really does get easier ♥

Congratulations on your new little one as well.... Again..... You've got this 💪 xxxx

Original poster
roarfeckingroarr · 09/02/2023 16:20

@Jb2182 thank you for replying. It's reassuring to hear I'm not alone feeling this way. It's just overwhelming, the sense of sadness and loss. Then I snap out of it for a bit before it returns. Bloody hormones.

OP posts:
Crunchingleaf · 09/02/2023 16:43

I definitely get where you are coming from.
My youngest is nearly 2 weeks old. Middle child is 14 months. I feel immensely guilty about not having enough time for the 14 month old. They are still very young and need me. I am sure it will work out long term but right now I don’t give him as much time and attention as he is used to.

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Blackcoffeewithmilkplease · 09/02/2023 17:41

OP, I felt exactly the same when dd was born! Not guilt, exactly, more grieving the close one-on-one relationship I'd had with ds up to that point that would never be quite the same again. I think it's very common and completely normal. The age gap was a bit smaller (ds was 20 months) so I felt even worse that we'd only had a short amount of time just the two of us and ds was still just a baby himself (I was a sahm at the time so we were really close).

What I will say is that it will 100% pass, and ds was never anything else but excited about his baby sister. Now they are 5 and 7 and they are incredibly close, a real little team, and I wouldn't be without either of them.

Change is hard, it's ok to be sad about something that's gone and at the same time be excited about something else beginning! Hang on in there, it will get so much easier once everyone has had time to adjust a bit x

Blackcoffeewithmilkplease · 09/02/2023 17:46

Also,I second a pp in trying to get as much one-on-one time with your older child as possible. The baby just needs to be physically close to you, she'll have no idea what you're saying or who you're talking to, stick her in a sling or the moses basket next to you and talk and play with your toddler where she can hear you and everyone is getting what they need

prisscalledwanda · 09/02/2023 17:49

YES. This is so well articulated. My Second is 2 months. For the first month at least I was teary every time I put the first one to bed as I missed him so much and just wanted to cling on to him. Getting more balanced now but I think it's v common at first and still there for me. Hope you're ok.

GrapesOfRoss · 09/02/2023 17:54

I remember feeling like this. What made it worse was people including DH kept offering to take DS out/away to give me uninterrupted time with the baby when that was the opposite of what I wanted. I wish I had spoken up more and asked them not to do it.

It feels like a loss but really it's just an adjustment. You still have your 1-1 bond with your son and in no time you'll have found your new way of being as a team together, just as close as ever but now with a new little team mate. I found this all got a lot easier once DH was back at work and I could just get on with things (sounds a bit ungrateful, I know!) Honestly, the times when the three of us were all together were some of the happiest of my life- all three of us snuggled up on the sofa or going to the swings- and seeing a new aspect of DS's personality shine as he became a big brother. It was lovely, wonderful.

CakeIsNotAvailable · 09/02/2023 17:55

I felt very like this with my eldest, bizarrely - I was overwhelmingly sad that he would grow up and wouldn't stay a baby forever. I kept bursting into tears. I hate to say it, but in my case it seemed to be linked to breastfeeding - I reduced, and then stopped, breastfeeding after a few weeks for an unrelated medical reason, and this feeling evaporated very quickly. It's probably hormones one way or another!

Geranium1984 · 09/02/2023 18:00

I'm sat here right now with DD2 (3mo) napping on me. My poor 2.5yo DS hardly sees me 😢

QueefQueen80s · 09/02/2023 18:03

Yep definitely felt this! But it definitely passed quickly Flowers

RP90 · 09/02/2023 18:10

I hear yah 👋!
I've got a 5month old and a 4 year old. The first few months I felt like the world as we knew it was turned upside down. There wasn't really any "us" time anymore and we had both been so use to that before. I'd almost got jealous of my husband spending so much time with him 🤦🏻‍♀️ BUT we're getting there. 1:1 time is different in ways but it's still there and special. You'll get it back and equally have lovely moments all together.

Nodney · 09/02/2023 18:27

I was completely the same. I missed my first born terribly. I cried to the HV who said "you need to forget about your old relationship with your LO and now concentrate on the relationship between the two siblings". This did little to help.

What did help was when I bought quite a few "new" toddler toys from a charity shop. They were for toddlers and too young for my just 4 year old, and too old for my 2 month old. But my eldest absolutely loved showing his new baby brother how to use the toys. It was like watching a miracle as he suddenly became a big brother. Like a PP said, it was also the happiest time of my life. (They were toddler toys suitable for under threes!)

babynoname22 · 09/02/2023 18:55

I have the same age gap. It get better I promise. My youngest boy is 5 months now. Those early days are bloody tough!

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