Access to child’s health and education records-need advice before I de register dd due to issues at school

[ThePersecuted]

Dd is in year 4. Has a lot of medical conditions, lots of appointments and lots of time off .

im at my wits end with school! They keep threatening fines and court. They keep threatening ss. No support at all . I’m so close to just pulling her out.

Because of all this I had done a SAR but I’ve barely been given anything and I’m being told I have no right to have certain things (emails to the gp and consultant sent by school) . I managed to obtain one document by chance where they clearly think I’m exaggerating and are concerned- nobody actually speaks to me it’s just Chinese whispers it seems.

How can I ensure I get all the information Im entitled to so I can actually see what I’m dealing with and address it so that everyone can work together for dd rather than not supporting her because they have an issue with me ? Or do I give up walk away and home educate .

Thank you I will check ipsea out

No if you go under their preferred attendance they come out with all sorts of rubbish! This school sounds awful. They should be working with you not threatening you with fines etc, and making inferences about your parenting. How dare they! I am angry on your behalf OP.

Where are these pages of gossip stored? If you're aware of them, then you must already have access? I'm confused.

I believe you OP. This is what has been said about me over the years:

1. I was exaggerating my son’s condition
2. I was minimising my son’s condition
3. I must not be talking to my son
4. I must be talking to my son too much (3 & 4 said practically in the same sentence)
5. I was well known for being a mother in denial (said by someone who had never met me or mu son, and in response to me suggesting that he would benefit from some therapy).
6. I must be imagining my son teasing me
7. I must stop interfering in people giving my son PRN and it was outrageous that I was insisting on being consulted first (I wasn’t, they read the wrong fucking care plan - but it was me left to try and rebuild relationships with people who now thought I was a nutter. I’m proud to say the professionals in that case now refer to it as PRN-gate).

There were a lot of years between 6 & 7 because we had some great professionals involved for years and all the nonsense stopped. But yes I believe you.

I would ask again for the emails and reasons for withholding. I actually think it is important to find out what people are saying so you can defend yourself. When I found out about 5 I stopped telling professionals what was happening and started videoing (which was a right palaver in those days). I then would just show whatever it is I wanted them to know and it was a lot more successful. They enjoyed the videos as well.

If you can HE it sounds as if you may save yourself a lot of stress.

I had a senco tell me that my son was “schizophrenic, not right in the head and needs medicating”. He was 4 years old.

I don’t think it’s too much of a leap to believe the school has told OP they think she’s exaggerating to give her life a purpose.

Parental blame for children with additional health and educational needs is a real issue. I believe you OP. Please do not continue sending your child to a school that does not believe she is as poorly as she is. Either find another or home educate as you suggest, but this relationship isn’t salvageable.

I’m remembering more:

1. I didn’t seem to care about my son being behind (this was because I said I had referred him and was waiting for an appointment. WHAT MORE COULD I DO? I was absolutely terrified and in tears a lot of the time FWIW).
2. I didn’t seem to realise my son was behind (see above, had referred him - and had been the first to bloody notice).

It’s always the mother’s fault OP. The number of my friends who have been referred to as over anxious by professionals is a disgrace.

Yes I got them with the SAR but multiple emails are referred to sent to consultant and gp it’s those I want

I remember when we saw a dietician - I explained that he was eating no meat, fish, fruit or veg (had previously eaten all those foods) and that he was undergoing an autism diagnosis for blah blah blah reasons (no speech etc). she told me to use sticker charts. I explained he didn’t understand them (20 years later he still
doesn’t understand a bloody sticker chart) - and she sucked a few lemons. When he put some toys away at the end she said ‘WHO thinks this child is autistic (staring at me), there is nothing wrong with him’. Which is nice to know because he’s an adult and still non-verbal now

I’m a health professional now working with children, young people and adults with complex needs. I sometimes see stuff written about families that sends my blood pressure rocketing. And yes when I can I do pick people up on it.

Dear XX school.

Thank you for your recent correspondence, I think we have two issues:

1. Attendance; as per emails and letters on the xxx and the xxx etc, DC has appointments with clinic 1 every xx months, clinic 2 every xxx months and clinic 3 every xx months. All clinics only operate during the school day, we have no choice over appointments. The safeguarding team will have no more sway over the timing of appointments as I have.
2. An ECHP; as you're aware DC's needs are many and varied and we need to ascertain that her needs are being met at school. We appreciated the lengths you have gone to already, but this needs to be formalised. You are legally obliged to engage with this process in a timely manner.

Can I suggest that we meet in person to discuss further. I am available on xxx

Kind regards
xxx

The way some professionals treat parents (and children) with disabilities or chronic illnesses, particularly invisible ones is shocking. Also unbelievable unless you've been on the receiving end of it. Have a read of this blog

itmustbemum.wordpress.com/

also look up sunshine support on Facebook, they may be able to help.

I'd consider:

-As per PPs suggestions, applying for an EHCP using IPSEA model letter.

-Speaking to SSENDIAS. Would ring them and explain you are being threatened for absences relating to underlying health conditions. Ask them to come to school with you for a review meeting.

-Write to school asking for any register codings that are incorrect (eg marked as unauthorised when they relate to illness/health condition) to be reviewed in line with the attendance guidance linked to below.

-Take advice. Depending on you child's conditions you could call SCOPE's helpline.

And read the:
DfE SEND guidance
School Attendance Guidance especially pg17
Disability Discrimination in Schools

You can apply for a EHCNA yourself, you don’t need the “yes” from school. They don’t have to do it just because you request it of them.

Daft I know but I help the school out with their attendance figures. So for example son was due at the dentist at 10am - school starts at 8.50 so I collected him from school at 9.15. School and son both get the attendance mark. If he has an afternoon appt I collect him at 1.15 as he still gets his afternoon mark. I know its not the bigger issue but little things can take the pressure off.

@Johnnysgirl. I have no idea how you could possibly be 'fairly sure'. Perhaps have a reread of your posts after having a look at Institutionalising Parent Carer Blame

Or if you want to find out more, read Yvonne Newbold's The Special Parent's Handbook.

These will give you some insights into how badly families of children with long term health conditions and disabilities get treated.

Ok. Sorry.

@alltheevennumbers I think that unless you have experienced it you can have no idea to the lengths schools will go to protect their attendance figures.
My daughter was signed off sick by CAMHS it didn't stop the school trying to force me to return her to school contrary to medical advice.
The school invited me to numerous meetings to discuss her returning to school but wouldn't invite CAMHS to advise on why she wouldn't be. At the final one CAMHS gatecrashed the meeting after I invited them myself.
None of those meetings took place according to the SAR there was no pressure applied to ignore medical advice.

In the world of special needs parenting, SARS are unfortunately very normal. And a large percentage of parents whose children have EHCPS, have had to apply for one at some point.

If they do suspect fabricated illness, that may go some way to explaining why they won’t share letters they’ve sent to health professionals. There is a view in FII cases that once a parent becomes aware of the concerns, their behaviour (and therefore risk to the child) can escalate. Extracts from a couple of different FII procedures demonstrate:

”In cases of suspected FII, discussing concerns with parents or carers prior to making a referral may place the child at increased risk of Significant Harm. It is in the child's interests that the parents/carers are not informed of the referral at this stage. The multi agency decision of when and how parents/carers will be informed of concerns will be made at a later stage.”

“Parents should be kept informed of further medical assessments/ investigations/tests required and of the findings but at no time should concerns about the reasons for the child's signs and symptoms be shared with parents if this information would jeopardise the child's safety and compromise the child protection process and/or any criminal investigation.”

Well it’s very clear to me they do think so they have alerted me ! Good job it isn’t what’s going on !

In all seriousness it’s like they are floating in the middle doing things beyond their remit - if they are concerned why not actually refer to ss and let those trained to investigate do so and then I could show someone who will listen my letters etc or they could back off totally and believe us but they are in the middle almost leaving the school role and acting like they are doing an investigation?
Im so desperate for this to be resolved I feel like calling ss myself as saying ‘can you help me ? Can you see us - see the diagnosis- see the care plans - see the letters etc. verify it . Talk to dd drs etc, just get the school to stop bullying us and to support us instead’

I told you yesterday OP ....refer yourself to he local Authority Early Help Team