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Original poster

Would you do this job in my shoes? Stage fright and public speaking

20 replies

DoodleLally · 09/02/2023 11:26

I'm applying for a personnel job that's perfect for me in every way except it requires someone who is willing to become the staff trainer.

I'm pretty sure I have something along the lines of avoidant personality disorder and/or perhaps autism. I am incredibly nervous in public speaking, hate eye contact and feel physically threatened by it, stumble over my words and dislike being the centre of attention.

Put me in front of a computer and I'll have your department ship shape in no time. Put me in front of an audience and I'll melt in a puddle of anxiety.

I'm really not convinced this can be overcome as I have severe childhood trauma which contributes to my anxiety around strangers. As a teenager I tried to force myself to get over it by doing acting classes and while I learned to mask it a little I never really felt at ease. I'm desperate for work and this is a great job in every other respect.

Anyone else experience this? How did you fare?

OP posts:

Blueberrywitch · 09/02/2023 11:31

I used to be the same with public speaking but my GP prescribes me beta blockers which takes away all of the physical anxiety and I am able to present on topics of expertise competently. But it was just my “body” giving me away rather than an innate dislike for eye contact or attention etc, and I don’t have to train anyone. It seems like an in person trainer would have to have a desire to connect and engage with people to train people well? I.e even if you could take away the anxiety of presenting, you might still be left with a lack of interest in the connecting with people element required, which sounds like it’s not the job for you as you do want the majority of your job to play to your strengths and interests! :)

Blueberrywitch · 09/02/2023 11:32

But if the staff training bit is only say 10% of the role and the rest is good, then I would down some beta blockers and grin and bear it!

beautifulpaintings · 09/02/2023 11:33

We are all different and that's ok! But it feels like it'd be madness to apply for a job where you'd have to be really social and train people when you hate that kind of stuff!

Original poster

DoodleLally · 09/02/2023 11:34

Thanks for your reply. It's not clear how much of the role this will be. There's about 250 employees and 400 volunteers so I expect a fair amount will need doing.

Strangely, I don't think I would be anywhere near as uncomfortable if the training could be delivered via zoom. It's more the fear of standing up in person in front of so many people.

OP posts:

DarkNurseries · 09/02/2023 11:34

If you really want the job, you’ll find a way of overcoming the fear. Familiarity will help, plus beta-blockers are a gift for just these situations. How much of the job will involve being a trainer? I mean, what percentage of the average week or month?

DarkNurseries · 09/02/2023 11:35

Sorry, cross-posted. I’m an academic and find teaching via Zoom/Teams far harder than in person. You can’t easily check expressions to see if they’re understood, gauge the level to pitch at, and people asking questions is a lot more cumbersome.

Original poster

DoodleLally · 09/02/2023 11:37

The majority of the job advert was things I'm well qualified for and have already done so it looked perfect right until a tiny bullet point at the end about being willing to undertake a 'Train the Trainer' course. It didn't seem like a huge part of the role and more an afterthought when they were writing the ad, perhaps to cover for the regular trainer or something. I'll have to discuss it with them to see how much is involved.

In terms of why I'm still applying - desperate for money and there's very few jobs locally that will work with available childcare.

OP posts:

SirChenjins · 09/02/2023 11:37

I suppose it would depend on what being the staff trainer involved and how often I’d have to do it. A large group on a regular basis - probably not. A small group on a fairly infrequent basis - I could manage that. I’m well into my career and have done the whole fake it till you feel it, have had beta blockers, endless coaching and training, and have come to realise I just don’t enjoy it. I can get through it and I make a reasonable job of it, but I’ve decided life is too short to spend it doing things I hate.

beautifulpaintings · 09/02/2023 14:48

Hey, I think you should go for it. It's great to have the option of saying yes or no if you are offered it!

Don't know if this helps but I do loads of public speaking, and feel far more comfortable public speaking than I do in random social situations that most people aren't bothered about! We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

There's lots of ways to train people, one on ones, a couple of people at a time, small groups of 2-4 where you partner up people,giving them exercises they can do to present back to you, reviews, etc, doesn't have to be big groups or really formal presentations.

Original poster

DoodleLally · 09/02/2023 15:47

Thanks @beautifulpaintings , the advert says something along the lines of 'must be willing to undertake Train the Trainer course' which having looked at it , seems quite focused on group presentations. I will give the interview a go and see what kind of vibe I get. If they say it's just occasional cover for another member of staff then I'll grit my teeth and go for it.

OP posts:

PurBal · 09/02/2023 15:50

Everything is easier when you have done it before / know how. I also hated presenting but did a lot of it and now love it (but no longer do a job that requires it). I wouldn’t let one thing you don’t consider a strength put you off.

Letitiacropleyscookbook · 09/02/2023 15:51

Sorry, this isn't going to be much help. I'm similar to you, by the sound of it, and not in a million years would I ever put myself forward for a job involving public speaking. I'm feeling stressed even thinking about it!

delfttulipvase · 09/02/2023 16:01

I think I would ask the organisation for a bit more information.

To me, public speaking is much more up on a podium, answered questions or giving a presentation.

Training is a different skill to me - likely smaller groups, people who have some motivation to be there, you do a bit of explaining then the group does something - role playing being a customer for example.

I don't love doing the first thing, but am perfectly happy doing the second - the training element.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 09/02/2023 16:02

I'm very similar to yourself, my job involves giving about 6 presentations a month and chairing about 3/4 meetings a week. It was hard graft to start with and my week was all about my anxiety. I used to have panic attacks too which meant I would be super anxious about my paint attacks when public speaking, my stage fright was off the scale

But it's now more than manageable. I don't find the presentations 'easy' but I'm good at them and get good feedback. Probably because I'm uber prepared for all the meetings due to my anxiety.

I did cbt some time ago, and was told the more I dealt with my anxiety head on, the better it would get. It'll only get worse the more you avoid situations that make you anxious. This has really proved right for me.

I still dream about retirement when I will never ever have to do anything remotely similar again

Sammysquiz · 09/02/2023 16:05

I was in a very similar situation and was successful in getting the job. What helped me was thinking how it was a new company, and nobody knows me, so I could reinvent myself as a confident speaker. Sounds a bit wacko I know, but really helped me, it was if I was playing a part in a play! Over time the public speaking got easier.

beautifulpaintings · 09/02/2023 17:19

OP one tip I can give you, is that a hard schedule (start time, end time, even breaking into 5 minute timetabled chunks) for your presentations, with exact stuff assigned to each chunk can help you feel really in control and far less nervous in the early days (you'll get more relaxed over time).

Adarajames · 10/02/2023 01:46

Are you sure you’ve reading it correctly as how you’ve written it above, seems to suggest you need to attend a T The T course but as a student, not running it?

mackthepony · 10/02/2023 01:59

Definitely go for it.

Once you're foot is in the door you could maybe claim you don't have time for it/ someone else would be more suitable.

My mum says that she knew someone who hated giving presentations, so she used to have this bloke do them for her - she paid him by making him cheese and onion pies!

Funny old world

DomPom47 · 10/02/2023 02:43

Have you spoken to GP about potential CBT with a professional. In the long term if you find a way to work through your anxiety it be more useful.

in terms of things like training the trainer it may be in a small group form which you may find less daunting so don’t let that put you off just yet.

good luck and hope all works well 💐

watcherintherye · 10/02/2023 11:35

I’m well into my career and have done the whole fake it till you feel it, have had beta blockers, endless coaching and training, and have come to realise I just don’t enjoy it. I can get through it and I make a reasonable job of it, but I’ve decided life is too short to spend it doing things I hate.

This sums it up perfectly.

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