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Original poster

Am I being irrational?

25 replies

Mummyboy1 · 08/02/2023 21:13

Okay, so I need to know if I need to give my head a wobble or not, please be gentle, I'm finding things hard and having a child is bringing childhood issues back to light.

I've got a just turned one year old. My friend has offered to have him for a day and night. He's spent the day with her before lots of times, sometimes with me and occasionally by himself, and he's known her since birth. In one way, it would be really nice to have a day and night to myself but I'm worried about how he'll cope or what he'll think if he does stay for the night and I'm not there. I'm on my own and I've only been the one to put him to bed.

I'm worried that he'll be confused, he'll be upset or he'll think I've gone, just left him.
He's too young for him to understand that I'll be back in the morning.

Bit of background but my mum didn't pick me up from the childminder one night when I was around 2.5/ 3 years old and it obviously affected me as I have certain memories from that night.

I'm getting really upset at the idea that he could think that I've abandoned him and he's not able to say anything.

What age did you first leave your one with someone else? Am I being silly 😔

OP posts:

Tamarindtree · 08/02/2023 21:14

Is your baby a boy or a file as you interchange him and her throughout your post?

Tamarindtree · 08/02/2023 21:15

Girl not file! ^

Euchariahere · 08/02/2023 21:15

Literally do not do anything you aren't fully happy with. It's absolutely fine to not leave your one year with her overnight. Do not feel pressured either way.

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Original poster

Mummyboy1 · 08/02/2023 21:16

@Tamarindtree where am I switching his sex?

OP posts:

Euchariahere · 08/02/2023 21:16

You're not being silly BTW

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 08/02/2023 21:17

I think mine were about seven when they got left with grandparents! You're not being silly. It sounds as if you know how your DS will react and don't want him to be worried. Why are you doing this? You don't have to. Tell friend it's too soon, and give the reasons you give here. Or, why don't you both stay? Then you can have a nice evening with your friend when the LO is in bed.

Tamarindtree · 08/02/2023 21:17

Mummyboy1 · 08/02/2023 21:16

@Tamarindtree where am I switching his sex?

He's spent the day with her before lots of times, sometimes with me and occasionally by himself, and he's known her since birth

her?

Lkydfju · 08/02/2023 21:18

If you don’t feel ready then that’s totally fine

Original poster

Mummyboy1 · 08/02/2023 21:18

@Euchariahere thank you, it seems so different between night and day. He goes to a childminder when I'm at work, and has spent time with me friend before, but I'm finding the idea of him spending the night without me hard, really hard.

OP posts:

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 08/02/2023 21:19

Tamarindtree · 08/02/2023 21:14

Is your baby a boy or a file as you interchange him and her throughout your post?

No she doesn't.

Icanbelieveithappened · 08/02/2023 21:19

Tamarindtree · 08/02/2023 21:17

He's spent the day with her before lots of times, sometimes with me and occasionally by himself, and he's known her since birth

her?

Show quote history

The “her” is the friend who is offering to have the baby!

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 08/02/2023 21:20

Tamarindtree · 08/02/2023 21:17

He's spent the day with her before lots of times, sometimes with me and occasionally by himself, and he's known her since birth

her?

Show quote history

He's known the friend since birth. Her.

Original poster

Mummyboy1 · 08/02/2023 21:20

@Tamarindtree hes spent the day with her, my friend is a female.

OP posts:

WandaWonder · 08/02/2023 21:23

Our child stayed with grandparents overnight and for a few days adults seem to have more issues than kids do at having sleepovers.

Kids are fine with other people they don't need to glued to their parents

FourAndTwentyBlackbirdsBakedInAPie · 08/02/2023 21:24

Tamarindtree · 08/02/2023 21:14

Is your baby a boy or a file as you interchange him and her throughout your post?

Op hasn't done that, but even if she had the sex of the child is irrelevant anyway.

Op don't do anything you're not 100% on board with, you could maybe build it up so an hour one week, two the next etc, until you feel totally comfortable, but there's going to be no point in your friend having him if you're just going to stress the whole time anyway.

Euchariahere · 08/02/2023 21:28

Mummyboy1 · 08/02/2023 21:18

I understand. And I'm here to remind you that you don't need to leave him overnight and the fact it makes u so uncomfortable should be a sign you are not ready to do it and to act on that. The suggestion of going to your friends house with the baby overnight so you can hang out once he's asleep is better or perhaps she can stay at yours....baby may sleep better at home. Up to you but I would strongly encourage you to not do it and not feel pressured to do it.

ginslinger · 08/02/2023 21:32

oh god, comprehension skills are low here.

OP - I'm sure he'll be fine if it's done gradually and carefully

Bunce1 · 08/02/2023 21:33

I think ye sleepover with a familiar trusted friend will be absolutely fine for the baby and pose no problems for him. He is securely attached to you and separates nicely with the CM, so you know he can do this happy and well.

I think it is hard to leave your baby overnight for the first time, it always is. It’s normal to feel a bit anxious about it. Bit underpinning those feelings you know rationally he will be well cared for by your trusted friend.

So I would encourage you to do this, but only you know how it will feel for you.

Good luck.

SaltnPeppaPig · 08/02/2023 21:37

He'll be fine but if you don't want him to then there's no benefit for either of you.

The only time I've ever not been with my DCs over night was when I have birth to my youngest when they were three.

samqueens · 08/02/2023 21:52

Mine stayed with a friend once old enough to communicate properly - so if they were melting down because they needed a drink of water, or needed me, they could say so. She didn’t melt down - she enjoyed herself a lot. I think she was probably about 3 the first time. It was only a rare one off but as a single parent it was a very valuable break.

If you’re not ready I’d just make it really clear to your friend that the offer means a lot and is appreciated but you aren’t ready yet although you’d love to work towards it in future. Staying over at your friends the two of you, if possible, or going for dinner and putting your LO down to sleep while there will help with settling there when you feel they are ready to go alone

ssd · 08/02/2023 21:57

I didn't leave mine for years. Now they are grown up and totally independent. Don't worry about a thing, just do as you feel.

Tamarindtree · 08/02/2023 22:12

Mummyboy1 · 08/02/2023 21:20

@Tamarindtree hes spent the day with her, my friend is a female.

Oops! I read it that your friend was Male! 😂

That makes sense now.

I personally didn’t leave mine overnight unless it was grandparents, my sister or my cousin who is like a sister to us.

Stompythedinosaur · 08/02/2023 23:13

You aren't being silly, but I think it would be fine. 1yo is over the point that dc gain an idea of object permanence, so he will be able to understand that you haven't disappeared for ever.

I went back to work before my dc were 1, and nursing shifts with very late finishes and early starts meant I regularly didn't see my dc for a day and a night. They were absolutely fine being cared for by another adult who loved them.

newposters · 08/02/2023 23:18

As your son has been fine with her for a day before, why not give a day and a night a try but be on standby in case he doesn't settle? You might find that he goes to sleep like a dream but if he doesn't and is distressed, you could be on standby to pick him up?

As it would be a lovely treat to have a bit of time to yourself, I think it's worth a try.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 09/02/2023 00:05

You aren't being silly but if you're not comfortable with it, you're not comfortable with it!

You could always agree to it on the basis that actually your night and day by yourself are just at home, so if he gets fractious or upset (or you do!) you can go and get him.

Or - just say you appreciate the offer more than she'll ever know, but you're just not ready.

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