Here are the pro’s and con’s of relocating.. so would you?

[Led9519]

What do you think of the below? We’re going to see some properties in the north west next week with a view to relocate nearer to family. But I’ve been in London for 15 years and do love it here. DH happy to go with what I decide but I am 50/50!

DD’s are currently 5, 2 and 3 months so really in the thick of it. But I wonder if I will feel less lonely when they’re a bit older and we can get out and about with them?

wwyd?

Pro’s

Bigger house and garden in semi rural location, more peaceful.
Less lonely;
Walking distance to sister
Within 20 minutes drive of parents, brother, cousins and closer to childhood friends
A bit safer

Con’s

More expensive due to ad hoc commute £300 a month (current savings or holiday funds)
Potentially more difficult to change jobs/find a new job is made redundant as vacancies generally on south east.
Faff of relocating!
Less for us to do and for kids to do when older. Can access Chester and Liverpool but a bit tricky I.e bike ride and bus journey of 45 mins.
Kids wouldn’t really have the option to live at home for Uni/work.

To add schools are comparable in both areas and primary in NW has space in reception for my DD.

I wouldn’t worry about uni as I think most kids are ready to leave home by that age!

interns of more costly commute - could you save money by buying a smaller house rather than the biggest you can afford?

In your shoes, no I wouldn’t relocate. But that’s because I’m a Londoner and I know what a fantastic place it is to grow up in.

the things that would worry me are: do you have to drive to anything interesting to do? Is your sister really going to be responsible for making you feel less lonely? If you lost your jobs would you be able to find other work quickly?

I would ask why you’re lonely - has your eldest started school? Do you know other local mums? London has a lot going on so loneliness might not be caused by the location

For me 1, 2 and 4 all outweigh the pros, sorry. I did the relocate and trying to leave when I had no job and no money was next to impossible. Sofa surfing was the least bad part of it.
Always have a rainy day fund. If you don't have one, work on that first.

I think it depends on how important your family are to you. If they would make a massive difference I would move. If not, I would stay.

The thing that bothers me about where we are is I have Mum friends but not really close friends. They’re more relationships of mutual convenience re play dates. I suggested to the other mums we arrange a weekend spring outing to a local national trust site etc with the kids …. and just got tumble weed back. Weekends feel a slog as we generally don’t see anyone unless there is a birthday party!
I can make more friends but it’s a lot of effort.

The other is our house and garden. We live in an extended 1930’s semi with a small garden. If I wanted to put a couple of swings in there that’s it the garden would be full! That gets me down and we have no prospect of upgrading locally.

If it was me without kids I’d probably move back but that’s because I’d be footloose and fancy free for day trips to London etc whenever I missed it.

re the other questions, downsizing the house would leave us to the same size we have now basically. Negating one of the main reasons for moving. We can afford the £300 but obviously I’d prefer to be banking the money!
The town has reasonably good links to other places but only until about 8pm then it’s taxi’s etc. Obviously London a lot easier to get around especially for a teenager!

It depends on how difficult is more difficult to find a new job. And would your parents / relatives be closely involved in reality? Do you want or need them to be close by ? By need I mean because of your/ DP’s jobs or DC’s additional needs or health issues. Could you do something about your loneliness? Is being more peaceful so important for you?
I think with your cons and pros 2 people might do 2 different decisions and be happy about them. It’s not so simple as being near your family is always better.

The uni thing isn’t much of a concern. You don’t know if they will want to go, there are loads of good universities in the NW within driving distance and they may not want to stay in London either!

I’m biased because I love the NW and love being close to my friends and family. But that’s the opposite to the Londoner up thread!

What’s your gut feeling? If you flipped a coin, which side would you be willing it to land on?

I'm sure you've had a few threads about this. It's clear that the pull to move just isn't there enough.

We moved away from London over a decade ago, in main to be nearer family. Pretty much unmitigated disaster... had to drive everywhere and a relatively tiny pool of people to draw friendships from. Was never really fully accepted into the community despite working in local schools. Moved back to London a few years ago taking a massive financial hit but hugely relieved.
You list sounds a bit dependant on sister and old friendships tbh and the trouble with that is it can go tits up at any point.
I'll add my kids are also much happier back here. They're 21 and 23 and renting a flat together a short tube ride away having the best time. One building her career in the city and the other a student. Because we're so close they both return regularly to get fed etc inbetween tenancies.

My gut feeling is stay where we are as when Dc’s are older it’s a fab place to grow up… and it’ll be a bit easier to travel and see family anyway.
And if I hang on in there I might win the lottery to upsize my house where I am :).

But I can’t deny the pull of family a nicer house is really strong. I’ve been in this one 8 years and just feel like I want to move on!
It’s really tricky. I hope staying up there half term will help me decide but worried it won’t!

Sorry, so I guess what I'm saying is in my experience, don't!

I’ve moved twice to be closer to family and both times it was a disaster.

Yes thanks! I’ve had a few threads but this is the first one I’ve listed out the pro’s and con’s but if I was sure I don’t think I’d still be posting!

Trying to make a few more mum friends on peanut so next 6 months of maternity leave doesn’t feel so isolating but it’s tough. I’m trying to arrange a local park walk but I’m not naturally an extrovert so idea of hosting is exhausting me a bit but I’ll try!!

Next week isn’t half term in north west so idea was it’d be more like how often I’d be able to see family given they’re all still working and cousins still at school.

I think it gets harder to move as the kids get older, get more attached to friends etc

So it's probably now or never. I kind of regret not moving before mine went to school as my parents are getting older and I'm becoming more aware that my time with them is finite

Could you move more into Liverpool itself. 2 hours to London, lots to do, still easy to see family.

I wouldn't in your shoes unless there was a financial saving. And a willingness to pay for taxi fares or be 'parent taxi' when your DC are older.