Autism flags & parent denial

[Bluevelvetcake4]

Hi,

Has anyone had a child who showed signs of autism but later outgrew those things or it was an indication of something else and not ASD?

DH and I noticed some things which we mentioned to DH brother and his wife who are doctors and they agree that SIL 3 year old twins are showing certain flags for autism such as low levels of eye contact and not responding to name as much as a children typically would.

They have an older child who has ASD but SIL seems to sort of be in denial about it. Family noticed signs in older child at a similar age but didn’t say anything. SIL didn’t notice anything and once her child started school they started pushing for her to be assessed which she very reluctantly agreed to.

The twins aren’t in a childcare setting at the moment so probably won’t have any external input for another 2 years. We all feel that early intervention is probably helpful but also not sure about saying anything. Obviously only a professional assessment can determine if there is some cause for concern but we are really hoping it could possibly be something they grow out off as having multiple children with special needs would obviously be so difficult. Anyone have any experience of that?

If these are not your children I'd imagine the priority is finding support for sil/bil. It's probably not helpful to he making a list of observational 'red flags'. She possibly already feels out of her depth, scared and worried.

What early intervention do you hope would be helpful, can you provide support by chatting in general about any quirks you have noticed. Keeping in mind that twins do sometimes relate to each other more than others. It might help if you offer to give sil time away from her dc by taking them out or take older dc off their hands to give her time to rest. Whatever the outcome or diagnosis they need your support and talking specifically about ASD with these twins is unlikely to help. Find out all the supports you can give re older child's ASD and learn all you can about it. Try national autistic society website.

Stay out.of I'm sure the parents probably do.have concerns ,which they may not want to discuss with you ,I ,m sure you mean well but this can often be unhelpful.ime, will the children not have typical three year checks ,to make ,go nursery etc?
My child has severe autism and learning disabilities,and was diagnosed at three all! the intervention in the world wouldn't have affected how severely he is impacted .

The question isn’t whether we should or shouldn’t say anything, it’s whether anyone has experience of children presenting with these signs (lack of eye contact and not responding to their name) and eventually just outgrowing them? I don’t know if we are being naive in hoping that can happen?

Hearing difficulties is the most obvious answer to your question.
Why are you making lists and thinking up diagnoses? Do you support them with childcare?

Twins can be in their own little world. It doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a problem.

Just leave them to it.

By pointing stuff out to them, you will only cause a rift between you. They will stop telling you things about their children etc.

This is what happened in our family when a relative was in denial about their child having autism.

Yes. I have. My child had hearing loss.

Having an autistic sibling makes it significantly more likely that the other children will be autistic too (not guaranteed, but likely).

Of course you’ll have people tripping over themselves to give you alternative explanations (I see there have been a few already) but as I like to say, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck… it’s a duck.

Parental denial is the biggest barrier to kids getting diagnosis and support. I doubt that will ever change.

I know lots of children who had "red flags" for autism at 3. Some are now diagnosed with autism, some are NT and others have other diagnoses. It's really hard to tell at this age. The best thing you can do is help in a practical way with offers to babysit etc.

If your child is referred they will check hearing first and their response as it could be a hearing issue. It isn't always ASD with the eye contact and not responding to name. Is there other signs? Autism is a whole broad of different things sensory/play/social/interactions/eating/sleeping/obsessive behaviours etc if the parents are in denial then hopefully the school will pick up on it and refer the child as early intervention is important.

Just to add I suspected autism at 18m with my daughter and my husband and everyone was in denial but in my gut I knew the only way the only thing that made my husband agree was through other autistic children through YouTube videos and him seeing the same kind of signs. Also researching more in to it, we got referral just before she turned two

Being autistic and being an autistic individual with MH issues; low self esteem or learning difficulties are completely different.

I’m autistic and have worked with hundreds of autistic HE students.A person doesn’t grow out of being autistic anymore than someone grows out of being neurotypical. However, the autistic individuals who have come from loving homes where their parents built them up tend to be more well rounded and have much higher life chances than those who were consistently told they struggled and had a ‘condition’

As someone who's child was diagnosed at 2, the so called early intervention has really had zero impact on my son, he learns at his own pace, with the right environment. Professional input hasn't helped in any meaningful way I can see. But this is just my opinion and maybe I have a particularly crap local authority.

I had no idea my child might have autism until the last 6 months and wish someone had mentioned it to me if they saw signs.

Nobody did, not even the professionals that we discussed issues with - like soiling, which have been so hard and now seem a non issue because we know why. It would have saved my DS a lot of bother.