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Original poster

PE - not inclusive

33 replies

DIYVan · 08/02/2023 08:46

I'm after some advice please. Dd is in year 6 and loves running, basket ball, netball, swimming, ice skating and hockey.

She participates actively during PE lessons but the boys she is teamed up with never pass the ball to her or to any of the other girls except one or two who seem to be somewhat popular with the boys.

Essentially she is alert, focused and ready but doesn't get included in the game as the ball gets passed form boy to boy. The boys also say things like 'girls are no good at PE' or 'girls always chat and don't play'. This really frustrates dd and I worry that by the end of year 6 she will be put off team sports.

I've spoken to school but nothing has changed. Is there anything dd can do so the boys are more likely to pass her the ball? Shout 'over here' when she is ready for example or anything else? It's such a shame. How can I best advise her?

OP posts:
mdh2020 · 08/02/2023 08:48

You should speak to the PE teacher. Obviously she is the one who should deal with this.

GoodChat · 08/02/2023 08:50

She needs to get herself involved in the game more. Is she winning the ball off the other team and getting into good positions?

If she gets involved in tackling and winning the ball they'll trust her more.

VenusClapTrap · 08/02/2023 09:02

Following with interest. Dd is in year 8 and plays football with the boys most lunchtimes. Sometimes other girls join in too, but mostly it’s just her. Most of the boys treat her as an equal, but one or two clearly resent her presence and have shouted abuse at her and tried to intimidate her. She has complained to staff once and things improved, but it doesn’t seem to have completely cured it. I’d love to have more tactics to offer her.

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Original poster
DIYVan · 08/02/2023 12:37

@DIYVan I've already been in and nothing has changed. I'm not really sure what the PE teacher could do realistically.

@GoodChat that's a good point, dd is making herself open and ready but gets passed over. Being a bit more 'assertive' in tackling to win the ball is a good idea and I'll check with her about position.

@VenusClapTrap that's great that your dd joins the boys at lunch time football and encouraging that most of the boys are inclusive. Shouting abuse is really out of order and doesn't demonstrate any sportsmanship at all, it's sexist.

I haven't played any team sports in decades so am not of much help but if anyone else has any ideas for how dd could be included more and enjoy PE team activity I'd love to hear them.

I'm not sure the teacher can make the boys include the girls so if dd could try out a few things that get her more included that would be fab.

OP posts:
Original poster
DIYVan · 08/02/2023 12:59

Sorry, tagging fail, that should be @mdh2020 I've already been in and nothing has changed. I'm not really sure what the PE teacher could do realistically.

OP posts:
SnowdaySewday · 08/02/2023 13:41

Find out from DD whether this sort of behaviour happens all the time or just in PE lessons. Also, who teaches the class PE, is it the class teacher or is it a coach who covers the class whilst the teacher has their preparation time?

What do you want the outcome to be for DD? e.g. boys/ all children to be more inclusive, DD to change groups, DD to have a means of telling the teacher at the time that this is happening, class teacher to involve head teacher if the issue is school-wide, headteacher or PE lead to observe a lesson if it’s from an outside provider…

Then speak to class teacher, but focus on your DD not the (behaviour of) other children. If other parents have the same issue, they need to also speak to the teacher, but separately from you.

GoodChat · 08/02/2023 14:22

One idea that I remember being incorporated when I was at school, OP, was that everyone in the team had to have a touch of the ball before the team was allowed to take a shot. It might be worth making that suggestion?

OhmygodDont · 08/02/2023 14:26

Is she actively trying to get the ball too? My middle plays football a lot at school. In fact she was the only girl in the whole year who went to competition with them as she put played a lot of the boys but she will get stuck in comes home filthy and will tackle as good as they give too.

xsquared · 08/02/2023 14:31

Is the problem with certain members of the team or with the boys in general?

In my experience, those who never pass the ball other than to one or two members are usually the over competitive ones, and blame the ones who get overlooked if their team loses the game. They're not team players.

I'm not sure what to advise OP, but this happened to both ds and dd who used to get upset in PE for these reasons. They both just developed a thicker skin over time. DS now plays for a local football team as well as the school football team, and is one of the better players.

Marblessolveeverything · 08/02/2023 15:19

The teacher can do a lot - my sons secondary school do every pass has to go boy/girl/or -every pass has to go to a person with the next alphabetical name etc - broke them into two v two, highlighted where a girl displayed a skill. Mixed the teams sufficiently so they had to engage.

There really is no excuse there is specific teaching now in Ireland at least in how to encourage and retain girls in teams sports - changing white shorts, better uniforms etc.

AliMonkey · 08/02/2023 15:26

DS has this problem - in an all boys secondary school. DS is good at football and frequently scores if the ball is passed to him when playing upfront, but the boys are either selfish and keep the ball or pass to their mates. Teacher does nothing about it. So no advice (other than to try to be friends with the others on the team?) but much sympathy and also pointing out that it’s not necessarily boys being sexist.

ch4shirecat1234 · 08/02/2023 15:28

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RoseBucket · 08/02/2023 15:32

Crikey my daughter is a trainee teacher, she is quite a tolerate person but would be all over this and the team would be bought to task on it.

Qwertyfudge · 08/02/2023 15:54

Does your DD play for any sports teams outside of school? By y6 the gap between those who are good at sport (have had lots of training/practice) and those that are not gets really wide! Is she any good? It may just be because she’s a girl or she’s not great.

I think generally though boys respect sporting skill/talent, but it’s the same with anything male dominated, you have to work harder to prove yourself if you’re a woman

OverProtectiveMumOfPFB · 08/02/2023 16:38

She participates actively during PE lessons but the boys she is teamed up with never pass the ball to her or to any of the other girls except one or two who seem to be somewhat popular with the boys.

We had this problem as well as a couple of the boys "thinking they were the best" getting aggressive if their team then didn't win and DD came home almost every week saying X/Y/Z had injured someone.

Teacher dealt with it by banning team sports for a while. They had skipping lessons where they had to learn tricks and present a routine, old school gymnastics like the rings and horse where they had worksheets to fill out routines to put together including certain moves. They're now doing floor gymnastics and teacher is going to reintroduce football over the next few weeks. Any bad sportsmanship is apparently going to be called out and children will have to sit on the bench to calm down. Will be interesting to see what happens!

Also we chat about how ridiculous it is to say how boys are better at sport and come up with examples.

Weallgottachangesometime · 08/02/2023 16:41

When do PE sports go to single sex. Is it an issue because the boys are ganging up socially during the game or because they are “better” players and so the girls don’t get a look in?

sounds really hard and I can see why you are worried about your daughter getting out off sports. Is there any single sex sport club she can get involved in?

southlondoner02 · 08/02/2023 16:57

This seems to be really common. There's lots the teacher can do around not allowing the boys to hog the ball (really common in football) or having to pass to the girls or they have to sit out. My DD started doing girls only sports around this age - the school ran a girls only football club and she also went to one out of school. Maybe worth seeing if the school would consider a girls only club if there isn't one?

Logburnerperils · 08/02/2023 17:19

It happened in my school as well and i was probably guilty of doing it. The only real option is for your daughter to get as involved in the game as possible. Put in some tackles, have a moan at team mates explaining why she was in a better position etc.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/02/2023 17:29

Yup, this is primary school pe in every single school. It's where patriarchy starts. Needs stamping down on by society big time, because we have far far too many superior entitled men about, and it starts somewhere.

larchforest · 08/02/2023 17:29

If you get nowhere with the PE teacher, then go to the head of year, explain that you have repeatedly asked the PE teacher to prevent this blatant sexism among the boys in the class, and nothing has been done.

Have you spoken to her form tutor about it?

Hoppinggreen · 08/02/2023 17:31

It might not be due to her sex.
DS was put right off football in Y6 as it was all the same few boys who just passed to each other despite what the teacher said

GrimsbyOrangePippin · 08/02/2023 17:53

I'm not sure the teacher can make the boys include the girls

Well if this is the case in co-educational schools, then there's no much hope is there? 🙄 Of course it's the PE teacher's job to sort things out so that girls are treated equally by the boys and have equal opportunity to participate and learn! And likewise in every other subject. This is sometimes achieved within a co-ed activity, and sometimes by providing separate but equal activities for girls and boys.

This problem is one of the reasons why some parents opt to educate their girls in single sex schools, and why some private schools have or had a "diamond" set-up where lessons (although not all activities) are/were delivered single-sex, more often between ages 11 & 16. Or they have two schools that share some facilities, but are separate single sex schools.

SnowAndFrostOutside · 08/02/2023 18:36

Does your primary have girls sports team? DCs primary has and that could be a way to provide your DC to be in a supportive team sports environment. Focus on what outcome you want to achieve with the school.

DC1 is in secondary and PE is single sex, so are the sports teams. So your problem could be short lived.

However sports is never inclusive. People play to win and don’t want to pass the ball to those who they see as the weak link. DC1 secondary teams are selective.

xsquared · 09/02/2023 09:22

However sports is never inclusive. People play to win and don’t want to pass the ball to those who they see as the weak link. DC1 secondary teams are selective.

Fair enough, but this is a PE lesson and as fair as I know, it's compulsory at all key stages to attend. How do you justify it being compulsory while also saying it's not inclusive?

Overly competitive team games are part of the reason why some people hate PE. There is more to PE than competing in a team. How about a bit of running on track or orienteering on trails, dance, circuits etc? These are all physical activities that don't have the added pressure of performing to a standard for others.

edwinbear · 09/02/2023 09:52

We have a similar issue at DD's school, she is also Y6. It's especially infuriating in netball, where lots of the girls play for the local club but the school insist on fielding mixed netball teams - including taking a mixed netball team to the local all girls school. Not one of boys plays netball outside of school, they don't understand the rules, don't particularly want to be there but completely dominate the game. I watched one match where one of the boys caught the ball and ran up to (and into) the shooting 'D' despite being GK, refusing to pass to anyone on his way - he then got in a massive strop when he was told he couldn't do that.

When it comes to rugby on the other hand, which DD also plays outside of school and attends school training, they only field an all boys squad. despite games being mixed up to Y7. I've mentioned it to school, they say they are being 'inclusive' but clearly aren't. I've said to DD best to focus on her club sport until they split into single sex next year.

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