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Original poster

How do you get your teenagers involved in family life?

33 replies

ExistenceOptional · 06/02/2023 19:16

Just that really. I have two teenagers who seem to live in their room unless coming down to raid the fridge or to go out with friends. They don't seem at all interested in being involved in a family life. I miss the day trips we used to have when they were younger. Any tips, or do I just need to accept this phase?

OP posts:

oceanskye · 06/02/2023 23:52

My 13 and 16 year olds love going out for a meal so we do that a fair bit. They will generally like going out for activities if it involves something like going to the outdoor pool (in summer) or mini-golf, bowling, etc.

Its never compulsory because I remember getting forced to go out with my family as a teenager and it just made 'family time' seem like some huge chore to try and avoid. But I think having the option to say no, means they are actually happy to come since it's their choice.

stayathomer · 06/02/2023 23:56

We sometimes force board games/movie nights/ days out (not always they can be happy to come too!), but sometimes it’s just a case of me watching them gaming or watching you tube/tik tok with them!!

FlimFlamBam · 07/02/2023 00:07

I actually gamed with my DS but am I suppose a serious gamer so it’s not like it was an effort. We also watched him play football every Saturday and always went out to lunch after.

He was never interested in a stroll sort of walk but would go up to the Peak District for a proper hike but he was in cadets.

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Beezknees · 07/02/2023 05:48

I don't. I let him crack on with what he wants to do. Why would I force him to spend time with me if he doesn't want to? It's just a phase that all teens go through, it won't last forever.

liveforsummer · 07/02/2023 06:13

Mine is up for going anywhere however we all also share a hobby so that helps normalise all going places together. What do they love to do? Build on that perhaps

liveforsummer · 07/02/2023 06:17

Twawmyarse2 · 06/02/2023 20:58

This seems so bizarre

It really isn’t “bizarre”, teenagers nowadays will happily spend 24hours a day glued to the Xbox or their iPhone if you don’t step in and do a bit of actual parenting.

We have 2 orders ones who were treated exactly the same (ie. not left completely to their own devices in their rooms all weekend and encouraged to spend a small amount of time away from technology!) and now they’ve left home we enjoy a very “genuine, warm” relationship with them. Thanks for the advice though 👍

I agree with @TheSmallAssassin . Forcing and punishing isn't the way to any sort of harmonious relationship with teens. Why is the only other option to being forced on walks or for lunch with you sitting for 24 hours in their rooms on tech? Don't they have friends and hobbies?

Lottsbiffandsmudge · 07/02/2023 06:41

We have one Sunday a month to do something as a whole family. Usually something they couldn't afford alone!
We also eat together most evenings (clubs etc depending) and I have breakfast with them..
I also go to classical concerts with DS2 (17) (it's our thing) occasionally (none of his friends are bothered!) and I still watch TV with DD (15) most days. And I still drive her to school and to her team sport.
DS1 (19) is at uni and he calls me most days. Our thing is art galleries as he is an artist. Again school.friends weren't interested/ organised enough to go so it became our activity.
We still holiday all together. DS1 GF comes too. So as poor students they are happy to tag along!
They do still.spend a lot of time in their rooms. And now DS2 drives I see a lot less of him. It is an adjustment. But also a phase.

Pyewhacket · 07/02/2023 07:22

Mine are 19,16 &14. The oldest DD attends local University and is still at home, middle DD is at college. We sit round the table and eat as a family but other than that they pretty much do their own thing. The girls both have boyfriends and eldest has her own car. My son plays a lot of sport so he’s out. There is a TV in one of the front rooms but they use their iPads mostly. That said the girls will do Starbucks and help me at the stables. We also go into central London on shopping trips. Family life is also about my folks too. They live quite close as does my sister so I see them regularly. But kids grow up so it’s inevitable that they become increasingly more independent. It’s just life.

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