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Original poster

Tips to not be 'peopled out'- work event

43 replies

Boxshibe · 06/02/2023 12:13

I wfh and go into the office maybe 4 times a year. I have a work event wed-fri this week.
I'm an introvert but can fake it at work mainly via teams calls
Now I'm travelling up wed morning and back Fri afternoon but the in-between will be with colleagues.
Wed- afternoon meetings- evening- dinner
Thu- all day workshop- dinner
Fri- morning meetings

We are all staying in the same hotel so all meals Inc breakfast will be together.
I'm looking for tips to not get too 'peopled out' and then I'll stress and anxiety will kick in . Help!

OP posts:
Soproudoflionesses · 06/02/2023 12:59

Can you take yourself off every so often for some down time?

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 06/02/2023 13:05

Would you be able to get room service breakfast? Then you can at least start your day peacefully. You can also duck out early after dinner by 'going to the loo' or 'going to get something from your room' and just not coming back.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 06/02/2023 13:07

Could you have an urgent need to respond to an email?

i fucking hate stuff like this. You have my sympathy.

hopeishere · 06/02/2023 13:10

Agree with breakfast in your room or go out.

Leave the dinner when you can.

Straight to your room when you finish.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 06/02/2023 13:17

I happily announce, "I'm an introvert, I'm off to my room to hide for a bit! See you at dinner/breakfast/the next session."

I've also been known to pop to the loo mid-session just for 2 mins peace.

mynameiscalypso · 06/02/2023 13:18

I never go to breakfast at these things - if you have a kettle in your room, you can take some porridge pots/sachets and do that instead. I also use very networking break as an excuse to go back to my room. And generally 'have a call' from time to time.

Backy · 06/02/2023 13:20

Room service breakfast. It doesn’t usually cost much extra and is a very good idea (I speak from long experience!)

duck out whenever you can, even just for five minutes. People don’t notice. Do this before you “need” to, if you see what I mean.

when I’m conversation, just listen and don’t feel you need to carry the conversation.

if you’re feeling peopled out but can’t leave, join a group of people chatting and stand there nodding and smiling but not leading.

DontStopMeNow7 · 06/02/2023 13:20

I’m totally introverted and would not survive this experience. If it were me I’d stay in a different hotel and just go along for the meetings, max one shared meal.

You just have to think up an excuse for doing this and be willing to pay for your accommodation. You might actually enjoy the time away with this option.

IntentionalError · 06/02/2023 13:30

That does sound very full-on, and I would be peopled-out, too. Is it possible to opt out of one of the evenings? If not, could you buy food on your way to the meeting, keep it in your room and don’t go down to breakfast? Say you need some fresh air & go for a walk on your own at lunch?

MuggleMe · 06/02/2023 14:01

I've just had an away day and took myself outside the venue during the breaks for 5 mins. Silence, sunshine, bliss.

Rainallnight · 06/02/2023 14:05

Do what a lot of introverts do and leave all the social heavy lifting to everyone else.

Remotedreams · 06/02/2023 14:32

I have been in a similar situation for development of my role. Has to stay in hotels and have all meals and workshops together. There was also drinks after each night. I was honest, said I need a break and would take a nap between workshop and meals. Ot was still exhausting, but helped me manage it.

FinallyHere · 06/02/2023 14:42

It might be easy for me to say so, but I think it's really important that your culture values introverts as well as extraverts. If this isn't already happening, it's important to be clear that you need a break to 'recharge your batteries'.

It's in no one's interest for you to not be getting breaks and opportunities to recharge. Just tell 'em that you need a break. YY to breakfast in your room and an early night.

It anyone complains, remind them that some people need time alone. The conference really should be planned around meeting everyone's needs or have the flexibility to adjust to diverse needs.

MiddleParking · 06/02/2023 14:44

You could also try to just get more comfortable with the idea of being uncomfortable. No one really wants to be there at work events like that, but nothing actually bad is going to happen to you, other than feeling stressed, which is a pretty normal feature of having to work for a living.

Original poster
Boxshibe · 06/02/2023 14:48

Thanks. I hadn't thought about breakfast in my room. I usually try to be first down and eat then go back to my room for a break but inevitably someone will come join me and ill feel I have to stay.
I think we're going to a pub with a darts game thing on the Wed. And on the thu a restaurant with a cocktail bar and a class. All too many people
chronic people pleaser and introvert makes it knackering- ill be shot at the weekend- might take next Monday off!

OP posts:
Hartlebury · 06/02/2023 14:55

God this is my idea of a nightmare.

Breakfast in your room and put in some boundaries like going back to your room at a reasonable time. Nobody notices generally.

Hartlebury · 06/02/2023 14:56

And I'd be giving the Wednesday pub darts a swerve as well.

ehb102 · 06/02/2023 15:01

Political headache on Wednesday. Yes, you'll come. You're looking forward to it. Sorry. Actually I have a huge headache. Don't know whym might be the meeting room lights. I'm going to take a tablet. Might catch up with you later. Don't wait.

President1 · 06/02/2023 15:01

I am also an introvert and have a role which involves a lot of residential and networking - from experience, I would follow the previous advice to eat in your room (you can always say you are intermittent fasting if anybody comments on not eating in public). And you can always slip away early by saying you have a conference call; or need to speak to a family member abroad etc

Original poster
Boxshibe · 06/02/2023 16:10

I might give wed evening a miss as I'll have travelled up for 4 hrs by train then straight into a 3hr meeting at work then to hotel. Might see if they do evening room service.

Last year we did go-karting that was hell!

OP posts:
Rainallnight · 06/02/2023 17:13

MiddleParking · 06/02/2023 14:44

You could also try to just get more comfortable with the idea of being uncomfortable. No one really wants to be there at work events like that, but nothing actually bad is going to happen to you, other than feeling stressed, which is a pretty normal feature of having to work for a living.

Exactly this.

Hartlebury · 06/02/2023 19:41

MiddleParking · 06/02/2023 14:44

You could also try to just get more comfortable with the idea of being uncomfortable. No one really wants to be there at work events like that, but nothing actually bad is going to happen to you, other than feeling stressed, which is a pretty normal feature of having to work for a living.

Sounds like the words of an NT person to me.

MiddleParking · 06/02/2023 20:18

Hartlebury · 06/02/2023 19:41

Sounds like the words of an NT person to me.

Show quote history

Is that meant to be some kind of gotcha? Confused on the information provided, OP is also ‘an NT person’.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 06/02/2023 20:34

Most introverts can understand that extroverts exist, but there is a substantial minority of extroverts that seem not to understand that introverts exist. You can tell who they are by the way that they pitch up to say that everybody is the same, not coping is some sort of character flaw and introverts should just try harder. Those people are best patted on the head in a patronising manner and then ignored, because if they can't understand that different people are different then no amount of explaining it to them is going to help.

sillysmiles · 06/02/2023 21:04

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 06/02/2023 20:34

Most introverts can understand that extroverts exist, but there is a substantial minority of extroverts that seem not to understand that introverts exist. You can tell who they are by the way that they pitch up to say that everybody is the same, not coping is some sort of character flaw and introverts should just try harder. Those people are best patted on the head in a patronising manner and then ignored, because if they can't understand that different people are different then no amount of explaining it to them is going to help.

But if the networking is part of your job or your teams job then unfortunately you do have to accept you are going to be uncomfortable.

@Boxshibe I'd definitely do breakfast in your room, a shower and a nap after the meetings, before whatever I'm required for in the evening. I'd show your face at the evening thing, make sure you are seen and then leave the evening events !!