Resentment towards parents.

[badgergirly]

I'm 40 and I didn't really have a happy childhood.

Whilst my parents were always around and I was provided for, they constantly argued, fought and would go weeks without speaking to each other.

My mother constantly accused my father of looking at other women when we were out in the car and this would pretty much be the root cause of the arguments that would last weeks. It was always just them two in life, they never had any friends and they still don't to this day.

I was the last child out of 3, my siblings were much older which means I would pretty much be left with my parents alone.

Fast forward to present day, this is still going on. My parents don't officially live together anymore, they live across the road from one another but still spend all their time together apart from when they've fallen out.

This behaviour is still having an effect on me to this day. I feel my mother uses me when she's fallen out with my father, I don't really hear from her when things are ok with him. Then she just wants to come to my house and slag him off and go over old stories from 30 - 40 years ago and go on about what a bastard he's been. Then, when they've made up it's all good again until next time.

I'm angry at them for still living there life like this after all this time. One of my siblings took their own life many years ago and the other they don't speak to anymore.

I don't really know what I'm asking but I just need to sound off. I've had this all my life and I'm pretty much sick to the back teeth of them.

I'm feeling used by my own Mother.

I’ve just come across your post. Sorry to read all of this. Do you get on with your mum enough to tell her how you feel? Do you have a partner/kids yourself?

Do you think that you might be much happier if you cut contact or went very low contact? It sounds very damaging and stressful.

Didn’t want to read and run. This sounds very very unhappy and I wonder if as the poster above says it may bring you more peace and happiness to go much lower or even no contact. We deserve to design our own lives and create our own happiness. If this is what it takes, then you must prioritise yourself. Life is too short to be unhappy 💐

You've had it pretty tough with your mum and dad and then losing a sibling. You poor love. You might need some distance from your mum and some space to tap in to yourself.

Just going to add damn right that you feel resentful if your mum just uses you as a sounding board. I often think that anger and resentment is a sign that it's time to set a boundary. To say "no" not doing that - to call it out.

I can relate to the 'used' feeling. Very similar situation for me but my parents abuse , which is till going on to this day between them, was chronic and violent too. My mum used me to unload all her problems telling me some dreadful things that my dad did to her and it became my job to soothe her. This went on for yrs. Manifested in bingo eating, nervous breakdown and attempted suicide for me. I among NC with my parents bar the odd 'guilt tripping' text from my mum which I ignore mostly. The distance has allowed me toes things clearly and spot her manipulations very easily. I have compassion for them now but CHOOSE to stay the hell away from their toxicity. I am doing heaps and heaps better for it too. You are not alone. Much love

Sorry to hear of your childhood. I’m getting counselling for trauma. My parents fought and were emotionally abusive to each other. Their relationship was and still is dysfunctional. They were very young and stayed together for me and my brother! Cheers for that. Aged 38 and in ICU after a major operation my dad never bothered to visit me in hospital or while recuperating despite living 3 miles away. But he’s their dad is a mysoginistic tool for a man to stay with his family and get an easy ride in life. It’s never used to get them to ask more responsibly eg but your their dad you should be more involved with the parenting). My mum did everything worked two jobs, cooked cleaned decorated, all the school meetings, my dad cut the grass and hedges I’ll give him that but he didn’t clear the cuttings up. My mum had such low expectations of him he babysat us and he paid board. Just a massive manchild. It was a house where you weren’t safe to express feelings. You’re be teased or told not to feel sorry for yourself. My dad encouraged fighting between me and my brother. I don’t remember my family saying they love me, my mum did her best and I am grateful to her for raising me. She put me down a lot when people think fondly of things their parents said growing up I have nothing can only remember “you’re slack’ ‘you’re gormless’. I was staying with my ex because he’s their dad but realised I couldn’t be my mum. My mum is jealous of me I think for leaving my unhappy marriage and has on 3 occasions shouted at me in my new house and I’m not tolerating it anymore. I’m not having any of my birth family in my house anymore and I’m not going to theirs. At best if I ever speak to them again it will be for a quick coffee somewhere neutral. My family blame everything on me now. I don’t care I pity my mum for staying in that situation. I’d encourage her to leave and enjoy the last of her years abuse free but she won’t listen. I’m having counselling and I’m moving forward. Had enough of their negative impact my life. I think we just have to learn to put boundaries in place to protect ourselves. X

Your situation has many similarities to my own and countless other people too. Nobody wins in these situations of chronic abuse...it's very very sad. Yes, the best thing you can do (me too) is to look after ourselves. Rooting for you!