Would you move your kids away from a city?

[Led9519]

We currently live in London and are considering moving away to countryside in the north near family.

What worries me is jobs are few and far between there so it’s not really possible to commute. It’s ok for DH and I as we now wfh but when my 3 DD’s are older they’ll likely have to move and rent for work. There’s also no local university so they’ll have to move away for that. I think leaving the family home is good as young adults but…….

This could be a considerable cost for them which they could avoid if we stayed where we are and they lived with us.

Our current house and area are fine it’s just I’d like to live closer to family and have a slower place of life. DD’s are 5 and under. But realistically once we leave we’d unlikely be able to afford back!

What would you do?

Absolutely! Country life or beach life,or both if you are lucky. Great for raising kids.

Does it have to be all or nothing OP? It's a pretty drastic move from London to a rural area in the north, particularly if you are worried about being able to find work and you need/want to continue to work.

Lots of people move out of London when they have kids, but most stay within commuting distance and you can live in a nice village, if that's more the kind of life you're looking for, while still maintaining your job(s) in London. Another alternative might be moving to within commuting distance of a big city in the north. Would that be an option maybe?

I hated the countryside as a teen. Felt trapped and would never inflict it on anyone.😉
But who knows your kids might love it!

We left London for a small town - still in SE and commutable to a university and places with jobs. Do you have to make it so very remote that you are really isolated? I think growing up in the country is lovely tbh.

The point would be to move closer to family and that’s where they are I wouldn’t move just to another part of south east where we are now is okay.

I personally wouldn't bring up my kids in a city, but I equally wouldn't choose the "countryside" either - we have a happy medium (in the north) where we can easily get to a major city but can also easily get out for countryside walks as a family etc.

Also, what's to say that if you stay in London your children would stay at home for university or work? I have a friend who stayed in London with her kids in the hope they'd stay close to home but she's now got one in Australia and one in Manchester and neither went to London universities! She's now selling up and moving to where she wants to be.

They could go to Liverpool or Chester fairy easily but there aren’t an awful lot of jobs there.

My Dh and my job are as it’s IT and now I’m experienced a lot of the roles advertised as wfh. Entry level would have to work on an office though.

No they don’t have to stay but it’d be more of a viable option just in terms of numbers or universities and jobs to where we’d move to.

There aren't an awful lot of jobs in Liverpool or Chester???!

We left a north city for a small town. I refused to move back to our home village/ town because of limited opportunities but choose a small town close enough but also close to a decent city. I also didn't like living remotely as a teenager and don't want to be driving teens around too much.

I'm honestly not sure what things will look like when our DC are looking for work. Will so much of it be done remotely that it won't matter how remote you are? There'll always be jobs needing regular presence like doctors for example but they are most places.

The 'north' does have a lot of opportunities, sport, culture etc. just think through how remote you go. There's loads of places you'll consider remote places that are actually 30 mins for a city.

Just to add re your point about Liverpool and Chester @Led9519 - only one of my friends post uni went to London for work, and is now moving back to the north as the jobs market up here is much better. The rest of my friends are all in the north after uni, including the ones from the SW originally, as the lifestyle and salaries are much better in the north currently. If you're near Liverpool and Chester, you're also near to Manchester where there is lots of opportunity - myself and my friends who run businesses up here can't hire staff fast enough currently across all sectors. I think WFH has changed things, obviously, too.

Honestly not compared to the range and volume in the south east. I’ve looked for my own role in case of redundancy or wanting to be office based and there’s hardly anything.

My siblings and I all moved away in the first place for education and work as did all of my friends. Two friends stayed. Ones a doctor and ones a teacher.

Thanks that’s good to know.

I wouldn’t. There are so many advantages to growing up close to, or in, a city especially London. In terms of cultural capital, educational experiences, diversity. Little kids are happy wherever they grow I provided they have a little space to play and fun playmates. But it really is hard to provide what older kids need in the middle of nowhere. And in my experience they start to resent the lack of independence and opportunity. Often they leave as soon as possible for a more interesting place (often London) or even worse, don’t see that as an option, and end up stuck. Maybe consider a move further out of london? There are some great areas providing all the advantages of green space but allowing easy access to the opportunities a city has to offer.

You could move closer to them, or closer to a major road that speeds up your journey to them. However, since I've re-read your post and this is about your DDs' future access to work and they are currently aged 5 and under, I think you're overthinking it. Move, if you want to. They will grow up and make their own decisions about where they want to live and what sort of work they want to do. Maybe they'll want to be vets or work in land management or be priests or farmers or any number of jobs that can be done while living in a village. I appreciate that if you live in London it will make it easier for them to live at home for longer, but don't live your life for other people. This is about how and where you and your DH want to live. Your DDs will make their own way in life and many people go away for university, wherever they come from.

I mean...if you say so. But literally several million people manage to live and work in the north of England without having to commute to London, we even have rich and fulfilling lives - it really isn't the career death sentence so many Londoners seem to think it is!

We left London a few months ago with our DD and have no regrets. We moved to a village in the North, people are more friendly, schools here are better than where we were before, there is less violent crime, and we are near my family which is nice. Also the house we could get up here is way better than what we could afford in London. I think it's a much nicer environment for kids.

What would the benefits of staying in London be? Maybe make a list of pros and cons and think about what you value the most.

There's no promise that you stay where you are now and they attend university and stay at home anyway. They might not want to get a degree, they might want to go to a far flung university etc

I think planning around that when they're under 5 is slight madness!

I think it depends on your type of work. I’ve been trying to make my way back for 15 years. However I don’t have a current feeling for it and I take your point. I just want them to have options without it costing loads. I calculated I spent £50,000 on rent in my twenties before I could buy and I was lucky my industry pays well.

I wouldn’t worry about them having to move away for uni or their first post uni jobs. That’s normal and IMO quite healthy. Many people do that and then return closer to home in the small child years just as you are doing.

I would however worry about life as an older child or teenager in the rural countryside. IMO it’s not ideal being a drive away from everything, what about the daily school run, doing clubs, meeting friends at weekends, need something from the shops etc. From toddler to maybe age 7-8 it’s a great time to be rural but after that they may wish they were in a town (and so may you rather than giving lifts everywhere).

Why not look at smaller cities or towns near your family?

I’m conclusion agree I’m overthinking it!
given it’s all at least 13 years off!

thanks all.