Online abuse/bullying - why do people do it?

[GummyBearMummyBear]

So I’m just interested to see what other people’s thoughts are on this subject.

Long story short, haven’t been on MN too long, while back I posted something on AIBU, and the backlash I got was horrific. I got so many abusive comments, and personal too, someone even suggested harm come to my children because of what I posted. The reaction was very unexpected and shocking. I don’t think many people post on AIBU expecting everyone to agree with them, myself included, but the pile on of cruel and abusive comments was outrageous.

I noticed the amount of people relentlessly telling me to accept I was wrong, which I actually had done (many, many times), but it reached the point by then that no matter what I said I was wrong, a terrible human being, and anyone who agreed with me was receiving abusive comments too.

This led me to think the pile on of people being abusive were actually taking some pleasure in what they were doing, as why did it even matter to them that much anyway? I asked MN to remove the thread, because it had become so toxic, every other post was being deleted anyway by that point.

We can all have a difference of opinion sure, but I never once said anything rude to anyone nor did I ever consider it, yet so many thought nothing of unleashing hell on me because I held a different view on something, it just wasn’t that big a deal.

I used to think when I heard people in the public eye complaining about online trolling and the effect it had on them - why does it matter what a random stranger says about you online? But even this, just some random post on a MN forum, had a huge effect on me. It felt intrusive, I was being bullied in my own home, from a safe space. And these people could be anyone, I could be walking past them in the street.

Anyway sorry for the long post! I just wondered what other people’s views are on this, why do people do it, why do people have a need to ‘prove others wrong’, why do people enjoy bullying others? Has anyone been in a similar situation and did it affect them in any way? Just looking for a chat and friendly discussion here!

Agree it is a shame when people can't post about certain topics because they know what will come back. I've seen a few about step-parents too. Some very unpleasant. There was a long thread about parking a couple of days ago, noticed someone on there saying to the OP 'you should never post about this topic as it makes people angry'. It is a shame there are certain no-go discussion topics, as you say this is what places like MN should be all about. Whether what someone says bothers you or not, we are all adults and can surely form a sensible and decent response, even if we take a totally different view.

Perhaps others are right about these comments coming from unhappy people, people raised around that sort of thing. I like to think that most people really don't want to be horrible to other people, though my view on that has been skewed a little sadly!

I actually deregistered from MN during the pandemic as there was a really weird atmosphere around the forums then. I had also figured that AIBU was full of trolls (many quite sick) and Relationships was about 90% invention.

Once you realise that, you stop looking for emotional support online. Anyone who does that needs to know the dangers of making themselves vulnerable on a public message board.

If it is a very large site, then they are making a large amount of money off all the adverts and promoted content and they could employ more. Its not their customer's job to keep the site friendly, its Mumsnet's.