Teenager frustrations

[teenagersandatoddler]

My partner thinks that I have the teenager from hell. I think a lot of what he does are teenage-isms. Please let me know if your teenager does anything similar or if it is a problem.

• Sometimes talks to me in a a tone that is rude/ condescending/abrupt
• Leaves cereal out/ things on the side from cooking toast or super noodles
• Never empties dishwasher and leaves things on top
• Expects me to take him too and from places
• Leaves glasses in his bedroom
• Eats in his bedroom and leaves plates there
• interested in his world only and not the world around him
• does the bare minimum at school (although doing well)

I should add he's 15 and we have had problems with vapping and smoking weed

Sounds pretty normal to me! Not all are like that, admittedly. I have one that is but one that isn't.

Just seen the vaping/smoking comment. Mine doesn't do either. Thankfully he is obsessed with fitness instead.

Obviously some of this is normal, but does he also do positive things? I don't think mine would spontaneously empty the DW unless it was on their job list but it is, so they do it sometimes. They won't spontaneously clear up noodle packets but they will sometimes wash up or make me a cup of tea.

They are not going to do everything perfectly all the time but you want to see some evidence of meaning well and things heading in the right direction.

I am guilty of some of these "misdemeanours" but it's ok in our house. Someone whizzes round and collects the glasses in the evening. Toast plates are left by the sink etc.

Mine sometimes does some of these (not the vaping/weed!). I accept that’s because he’s a teenager, however I’m not picking up/tidying after him so if I find he’s left the cereal out I ask him to put it away / every evening I tell him to bring down the plates etc from his room or there wouldn’t be any left in the kitchen!

I accept teenage grunts / lack of communication / thinking they know everything but not downright rudeness.

would not accept vaping or weed in the house.

So I guess what I’m saying is my approach is pick your battles, a bit like the toddler years really!

I should say vapping and weed was not in the house but a group of school friends

Picking battles is good advice. Vaping and weed I would have a discussion about the risks of both and implications for later life. Other things I would look for natural consequencies. I am often saying 'well I saw the packet on the side and you haven't asked me for more so I just assumed you still had enough. Maybe next time you should put it out for recycling then I will know you have run out'. Basically I become a less competent parent to teenagers! What does your partner think that you should do?

I'd say mostly normal teenager things my 16 Ds is like this

Teenagers do the most of these, in my house step dad thinks kids get told something once and will do as told or asked every time perfectly. He is on their case constant. Totally deluded about teens. I do not allow them to be festering scruffy lazy slobs and they have chores and expectations but I don't feel the need to get in a flap over every petty thing esp if asked they rectify upon request I.e bring dirty plates down. It's about balance they are on the cusp of adulthood but in the next breath should adhere to reasonable household rules. Funny how outsiders are so opinionated about others kids. Can you tell this is a sore subject to me 🤣🤣. Stand your ground if you don't agree with everything. I think it comes down to some form of jealousy or rivalry.

Two teens and none of that is normal behaviour in this house. But I think we’re the unusual ones.

Curiosity would have me asking dp what their parenting skills would include...
Planning ivf with genetically modifies dna to create a non 'normal' teen perhaps?

How long have you been with your partner and what his is involvement in this? Is he making it obvious to your DS that he thinks DS is the teenager from hell? Do they get on?

Sounds exactly like my 16yo DS. He's either sullen and silent or acting the fool for his little sister. My DH struggles to ignore his bad behaviour more than I do

@JustCleaningtheBBQ - 6 years. He has made it clear and their relationship is broken - DP dislikes DS and DS has no time for DP.

Not unusual but that list as a whole wouldn't fly in my house.
Yes to the dishwasher and general obliviousness to putting things away.
Hard no to eating in room and leaving plates in there - never happens. Food is eaten downstairs unless exceptional circumstances.
I also don't tolerate being spoken to rudely.
Lifts are freely given but not taken for granted and DD often gets the bus.

Normal behaviour but I don't let mine get away with it.
I'll point it out and pull them up on disrespect. Call the back t tidy up etc.

The weed and vaping is a hard line for me. I'd stop any access to money for that.

It is fairly normal teenage stuff, but can't help wondering whether the difficult relationship with your DP is making things worse?

Everything in your first post is pretty normal.

The vaping and weed, I've not had.

I think tension between a teenage lad and the man in the house is pretty normal too - even without the fact I am not sure that your dp is ds's Dad ?
It is all to do with their hormones and 'being the only lion in the pack'.

I'd advise taking a lot of deep breaths, picking your battles and counting to 10 until they emerge the other side (which he will).

Boys at 15 start butting heads with the male figure in their lives. They just do. It’s part of becoming a man.