Just a rant about my twat ex and his lack of parenting.

[FourAndTwentyBlackbirdsBakedInAPie]

I am going through some serious health problems at the minute, I asked him to take our dc more, and he said it wouldn't fit his schedule (of working 2 days a week).

This week I've had pneumonia and been really unwell and barely scraping by, my dc have been surviving on chicken nuggets and sandwiches all week.

I usually drop my kids at his on a Friday night every second week and pick them up on Sunday, but asked him to pick them up this week as I was so unwell.

With everything going on I really look forward to these weekends, 2 days of sleeping in and just looking after myself, catching up on housework and doing my hobby.

My poor kids were sitting there, bags packed and jackets on at 6pm on Friday, I tried messaging and calling him and then just played it off as 'silly daddy must have got the weeks mixed up' and tried distracting them.

By 7.30 I realised he absolutely wasn't coming so got them ready for bed etc. Got a message from him at 10pm saying "sorry I was asleep I'll be there first thing", I never told the kids, and just as well as he didn't show again.

I haven't bothered texting or calling again as this isn't the first time his sleep has been more important than our kids.

Now instead of my lovely weekend of recuperating I've had 2 very upset dc taking it out on me, I'm still unwell, my house is a shambles because I haven't managed to do the deep clean I normally do and things have severely slid this last week with being so unwell, and I don't know if he will even bother next time.

It's just shit, I'm so fed up being the default parent and having to pick up all the pieces, and I'm so bloody annoyed that I asked him for slightly more and he's decided that he's going to do less instead.

It's so frustrating 😔

Stop making them effort to let him see the children.

Let him make contact and collect them at the set time.

Sounds like he will lose interest quickly.

Hope you feel better soon by the way.

I’m so sorry. What a bastard.

I suppose you think it’s worth dropping them and collecting them in order to definitely get the weekends free? If so, you’ll have to carry on doing that, but you shouldn’t have to. He should be collecting them or dropping them back. I’d start by saying you’ll drop them to him on a Friday and he can drop them back again on Sunday evening.

Take care of yourself. Do you have any friends or family who can come and help you out while you’re so ill?

It’s really not on, firstly not helping out when you are in need and secondly letting the children down. I remember my MIL telling me when she split up with her husband back in the early 1960’s that she told her ex if he ever let her son down, he wouldn’t get another chance. Of course he did let him down and DH never saw him again, she never got a penny out of him either.

He was pretty unreliable so that's when I started dropping them off, even then he has been known to sleep through me hammering on the door when trying to drop them off.

I did have a friend take the kids for a couple of hours this weekend thankfully so I managed to get some things done, but I have a life changing condition/disability now so I really do need a real break sometimes and that prat just decided he couldn't be arsed, he was father of the year last time, but his parent was visiting so he had a motive to be a good dad and try to pretend I was a crap mum. I did think it was weird how he asked last time how I was and that he was happy to 'give me a break' despite doing night shift the night before, he was just saying that because his parent was listening in.

It's so annoying how these men get away with neglecting their kids, if I did what he did I would, rightfully, be charged with child neglect.

This is probably the 5th time he has let them down, so I'm stuck between telling him to fuck off and take me to court, and needing a break, I notice a massive difference even with a day and a half of being able to totally rest, my pain levels are so much more manageable.

My poor kids were devastated and have been crying on and off because they love him, I'm not sure how they would be if I withheld contact, or even if that's me acting out of spite rather than in their interests.

Do you think he respond if you wrote him a message/letter/sat down with him to talk and laid out that his kids will end up hating him if he does this?

I've written him messages aplenty, he just ignores them, I've also tried talking to him but he says my health isn't his problem. If I say the kids will end up resenting him he accuses me of threatening him and telling me he will get me charged with parental alienation, so I feel really stuck, I want to do right by them, but he wants everything on his terms only and I just have to deal with the fallout.