Help me settle something with my friend over the use of the N word

[piddocktrumperiness]

My friend the other day asked me whether I had seen the n cat on YouTube. I was so shocked I asked her to repeat what she said, and she said what I was hoping she was not saying. Then she clarified and said that the cat was making a noise similar to the sound of the n word, and that the owner was Black themselves, found it funny and posted it online.

I told her she should not be using that word, at all and she said it should matter what context it is in. She asked why some people could call themselves the n word or say it freely and all I can come up with was "still, you should not say that, it is a loaded word"

I came away wishing I had a mic drop sentence or counter argument that helps the penny drop for her but I was perplexed at the time.

I'd really like a solid come back so that I can have a go to that stop this madness and stop it quickly.

Does anyone here know what to say in those situations?

My understanding is that it's a reclaimed word. OK for people who have been victimised by it to use it (if they want) but not OK for others.

Sorry, what is the race of the people involved? Is only the cat owner black?

@StonyPedro All white.

I understand the victimised thing but why keep a word used in a deorgatory way going? It feels like an own goal.
Like women calling each other bitches and hoes.

Is this about HP Lovecraft?

My black friend sent it to me. I would never use the word myself (white) but it was mildly amusing and she thought it was hilarious.

Huge difference from a community using a word in an inclusive way to take away its power, especially if altered to be like *wigga and some bigot calling someone the full word.

In a very very sweeping way, it's a bit like the rule where you can say something about your family or have a moan etc but others can't as it's hurtful.

Of course she shouldn't say it. Yes, some black people do use the word, but many many never would, for obvious reasons. I don't know any that use the word at all.
Even if that is her reasoning, it's still rubbish. Some women call themselves or friends bitches or slappers, that doesn't mean they would be happy with somebody else calling them that or being referred to as bitch or slappers by some man.

Realistically though, it's 2022, everybody knows it's not ok by now. Some just like to find little ways to bend that and find excuses as to why it is ok to use when they know it isn't. She would have just said "n word" if she wanted to, but she didn't.