Disabled nephew being bullied - talk me down please

[Seeingred1999]

Nephew is in high school, has been bullied for many years (through primary to secondary). He has cerebral palsy, autism and adhd. He is suicidal over these bullies now and calls himself ugly and fat, it honestly feels like he hates himself.

school have done zero about it. What would you do in this situation? It’s spilling to outside school and something happened in front of me yesterday. Nephew no longer wants to leave the house.

I'm sorry to hear this, the same happened to my autistic son. Is there any possibility he could be removed from the school? In my experience bullying isn't ever properly addressed and will continue regardless of how much you complain to the school. Is education from home a possibility? Are you aware of any avenues available to parents for schooling at home? You don't necessarily have to home ed yourself.

What are his parents doing? Are school governors involved? Has anyone tried getting council school services involved? If he was abused outside of school, it can be reported as a hate crime. How many kids involved? Does anyone know their parents? Is other school an option (not that he should be the one to have to move). Your nephew needs someone to fight for him

Why is he being forced to go to this school? I would have pulled him out after the second time the school didn't deal with it. Any bullying is vile, bullying someone as vulnerable as your nephew sounds is the depths of despicable behaviour.

hes unlikely to be able to change schools, and in any case I think this would probably follow him in the local area if that makes sense. Home schooling would be an option however not sure they could afford it financially due to his SEN. I don’t think there’s any support for this is there? His mum (my sister) is trying her best but is also at a loss. The school just don’t seem to want to do anything!

Sounds like my son has verbal dyspraxia, autism and health issues. It came to ahead last September when he was seriously assaulted. I now home school him. He's so much happier and actually wants to spend time socialising with others in different home schooling groups that I've enrolled him on. Life is so much more stress free. Though with disabilities there's always some stress.

I promise we are all fighting for him. I know I abvu but I feel like just going to the ringleaders house and confronting his mum. There’s no way she isn’t aware of what her son is doing.

I’d want to do them physical damage, but that’s not talking you down. Agree with PPs, is there any chance he can be removed from the school? Does he have an IDP? Could EOATAS be an option? I am autistic and had a hideous time at school so completely sympathise. DS (5) is also autistic and will never go to our local comp as it would chew him up in no time. Agree also with PPs that bullying is never really eradicated by the school. Not sure how academic he is, but even if he wants to pursue university it can happen on a different timeline. DH is also autistic and neither of us started our degrees until our 20s/30s. I think there’s nothing more important than preserving mental health, especially if he’s already borderline suicidal, so I would remove him from the school and home ed if necessary. Everything else can be achieved later, his well-being comes first. We have direct experience of a suicide attempt (happily unsuccessful) in the family and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that is worth sticking to if it leads to that.

Does he have an EHCP and support in school? If not, can your sister request a needs assessment, which could lead to one. There should, in any event, be some support in school for him, but an EHCP will be much more specific about what he requires and give your sister the chance to request a school.

How old is he? Personally, I'd deregister him and contact the local authority to explain why and put the ball in their court regarding his education. LA's can be persuaded to fund online schooling for disabled students.

Call the police, if they are bullying him about his disabilities etc it's a hate crime and needs to be dealt with by the police.

The school you need to put a offical letter of complaint in to the board of governors & ofsted that the school aren't dealing with bullying.

Is him starting a new school an option?

I started to email the head of year when my autistic daughter was being bullied.

I advised that if it wasn't dealt with by school then I would be contacting the police, and reporting it as a hate crime.

I found emailing, and having an evidence trail useful. And it meant my daughter knew I was proactive about dealing with it.

Your poor nephew, it must be so heartbreaking for you all.

Don’t deregister. Parents often find it easier to get support when their DC remains on a school roll even if they don’t attend. Crudely you are someone’s problem. If DS can’t attend the LA must provide alternative provision, but if you EHE the LA will say the parents are making suitable alternative arrangements thereby relieving them of their duties.

If DN doesn’t have an EHCP the parents should apply. Moving school would then be possible even if there are no places. EOTAS can be provided if attending any school isn’t suitable. If DN already has an EHCP an early review needs to be requested.

I promise we are all fighting for him. I know I abvu but I feel like just going to the ringleaders house and confronting his mum. There’s no way she isn’t aware of what her son is doing

That is absolutely NOT unreasonable. If their child is a vile bully they need to know. If they already know and are choosing or incapable of stopping it, I would do that for them.
Parents need to be responsible for their children while they are living under their roof.
If I had a child who was bullying someone and I had failed and personally couldn't stop them, I absolutely wouldn't mind someone stepping in to stop them.

This. If it's at secondary school level and they are targeting because of his disabilites, report it to the police. Sadly in my experience it's the only thing that will really make the school adress it.

Horrible little bastards doing that. Your poor nephew. I would call the police firstly, your nephew is too vulnerable not to.

Depending on his age and parents circumstances I would look into EOTAS.

It’s honestly horrific the way they are treating him. Yesterday they were recording him with their phones. He has a very uneven walk, drags one leg due to the CP. they call him a retard etc. I almost got myself arrested yesterday.

can anyone share their experiences with online school? He isn’t very social at all but I’m guessing he could attend some in class hobbies in the evening for that aspect! He’s a little overweight simply because he’s too scared to go outside so would have to also find some physical activity he could do. At the moment he struggles with PE at school due to not being able to run without tripping over his leg on his CP side.

Online schools can be funded via EHCPs.

Have a look at disability sports. For example, if DN likes football look for an ability counts session.