Almost 4 year old suddenly having violent tantrums.

[Jiminycrickets]

My daughter, who has always been the sweetest, smartest most agreeable child has suddenly started having violent tantrums that last a long time.
For the last week, she’s had one every day, and she is aggressive towards me. Kicking, scratching, punching. I stay calm and sit nearby and wait for her to calm and then try to talk to her about it. She usually falls asleep (for a nap or the night).
She will not have a nap anymore, gets twelve hours sleep, and nothing in her routine has changed at all, she’s not sick. No stressors at all.
Has this happened to anyone else? It just feels like a late onset and is such a complete 180 in her temperament. I’m at a loss!

Crossing everything it’s just a sudden phase

Is she at nursery? There are some children in my dd's class that take very violent tantrums. All childrens behaviour rub off on each other so I would just put it down to that if very out of character. Just don't make a fuss of it.

She does go to nursery part time.

With my 4-year-old's it's always tiredness or hunger. Can you see them approaching and try to intervene with a snack or some quiet time?

I think she honestly still needs a nap but just won’t do it. It’s sometimes in the morning too.
Snacks and quiet do help, but I’ve had trouble predicting it (and she’s my third!). It’s just so much more violent and prolonged than I’ve seen and it’s come out of thin air!

There will be triggers, but they could be very hard to spot. Her behaviour is trying to communicate something that she cannot express any other way. It sounds like you're handling it well in being calmly present. If you are talking to her as it progresses, I suggest that you stop and just be there and try to keep your distance, especially if she is hurting you. Avoid holding or restraining her, even if it seems like it might help.

I know she's very young, but when you talk about it after it has passed and you've given her hugs and reassurance, is she able to talk about it at all?

She usually doesn’t even remember it.

My DD turned 4 just before Christmas and she was like this for a couple of weeks at the start of January. Her key worker at nursery said so many of the kids in her age group were struggling to come back to nursery after the holidays.

With DD it seemed to be worse when she was tired and she was definitely a bit under the weather but it mostly just seemed to be that she was desperately missing us and didn't know how to handle the emotions. We basically tried to talk to her when she was calmer to say we understood and loved her etc but the actual hitting and kicking wasn't ok. She settled down within a couple of weeks and although she's still being fairly dramatic (seems to be a 4 thing talking to other nursery parents!), the huge kickoffs have stopped.

Thank you, that’s very reassuring! She has had a long break from nursery, and is still adjusting, that could well be it.