What family working scenario would you prefer?

[Username24680]

Opportunity had arisen for DHs working pattern & location to change. Would be a big change for us as a family. Could I have your opinions on what set up you would pick and why? We’re trying to make a decision but are worried that it’s a “grass is always greener” scenario.

Scenario 1:
You work PT - 2 weekdays & 1 day at weekend (set days, no opportunity to change these)
DH works away from home - 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. So for 2 weeks he’s away at work(can be anywhere in Europe), phonecall every 2nd day due to working pattern. During his 2 weeks off he’s at home, no work.
Childcare (2 year old) while you work is covered by family during the 2 weeks DH is away, and none needed when he’s home as he’s there to do it.

Scenario 2:
You work PT - same set days at previous.
DH works Mon-Fri, 7.45am-6pm. 30 minute commute from home.
Childcare while you work - nursery 1 day per week, family 1 day per week and DH on weekend day.

Having only ever known one of these set ups we’re struggling to see the realities of the other if that makes sense!

Scenario 1 gives more quality family time(3 weekdays in a row plus 1 weekend day each week DH is home) but DH is away for 2 weeks meaning everything falls on you during that time - the night wakes, time off when DC is ill etc. Plus DC may potentially struggle with it as time goes on?

Scenario 2 leaves 1 day per week family time but DH is home every evening, sick days etc can be shared if necessary. He’s seeing DC everyday - but it’s only for a very short time each morning and evening.

Financially there’s no significant difference between the 2.

My dad worked off-shore 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off and I found it disruptive. He would go away and we would have a certain routine and then he’d be back and would expect things to happen a different way which was annoying. We were older I guess …. I was probably 6/7 and my brother a bit older so he wasn’t taking us to any groups or events. We operated well without him and after 4 or 5 years my parents divorced. I’ve never relied on my dad to do anything for me in my life and we don’t have a close relationship now.

All things being equal I’d probably prefer option 1. But if I was the worker in this scenario (ie your husband in this case) I’d be taking whichever option had the better mid- to long-term career prospects. The economy isn’t going to get better for a few years yet and I’d be looking at financial stability first and foremost.

Thanks everyone. Definitely a lot to consider! To those mentioning paid childcare, I absolutely get it. But our current set up is scenario 1. So currently in a typical 4 week month we need 6 days of childcare as it’s not needed when DH is here. Using paid childcare, wed be paying for double that every month despite DC only using the 6 days. So while we have the option of saving thy money for the future that’s what we’re going with. Funded hours kick in next year so DC will be in nursery then while I work.

@Divebar2021 Really interesting to have your perspective on it. Thank you!! DH and I always knew when planning our family that he wouldn’t remain working away forever. We always planned for him to come home around the time our first DC started school. The opportunity to change has just come earlier than expected so we’re not sure whether to take it now or wait another couple of years.

Scenario 2 because my dp works away only a week at a time and we all miss him desperately when he is gone. I prefer him to be home much more than he is.

@FuckabethFuckor Absolutely agree with you in terms of prospects. Both roles are in the same industry which is thankfully as stable as anything can be at the moment. It’s an essential role so the chances of the economy having any huge effect on his work is slim.
Scenario 2 would allow him to gain some new skills.

I think I'd value the extra time off of Option 1 if you're thinking of having another child and re-visit once you've finished your family. The potential for your husband having significant time off post birth is amazing and what a great way for him to have that time with your newborn while not sharing your maternity leave entitlement.

I'm pretty independent though so Option 1 wouldn't phase me.

@NeedSomeSpace thank you! Him having that time off when I had DC1 was incredible so it would be amazing to manage to do the same again if we decide on another one.
Option 1 doesn’t bother me as such, although it can be a bit lonely sometimes! We always knew that lifestyle wouldn’t be for us forever - we’re just not sure if now is the time to stop. DC has been more vocal about Daddy leaving on the last few trips “no, daddy not go away to work” etc as he’s leaving) so I know that plays on DHs mind. He doesn’t want to be an absent Dad. But other than being home each night to say goodnight, option 2 does nothing for our family time! It’s a tough decision!

Option 2 for me, I know someone who works similar to option 1 and when he isn't working it takes him about a week to adjust as he is exhausted from the long hours he has been working.