Sick of the comments from in laws

[Aeroicecream]

Im expecting our first baby together, we both have one each from previous relationships.
dh family were happy and supportive when we announced the news, but from every person we have received the following ‘concern’..
how will you afford the baby and where will you live?

1. we both work and can afford another child
2. in our house

I can understand some people will question logistics to ensure we’re in a good position, but we’re both adults and we are capable of making choices and deciding if we can afford a baby or not! Dh believes it’s from a debt he had years back where his family paid it off for him (he paid it back) so they now believe he is too poor for a baby.
Its a hurtful comment because they’re questioning our family choices. If we couldn’t afford a child we wouldn’t have one. Maybe I’m over reacting, but I have refused to visit since these comments as I feel like they’re judging and criticising when we’re in a happy baby bubble.
Did anyone else have this reaction and how did you deal with it?

But family do ask questions - it’s normal. Why do you think they’re particularly judgey or critical? They might be assessing whether they need to offer to support you, or whether you’re thinking of moving away, or a million and one other reasons they could’ve asked those questions. But you’ve automatically assumed ill-intent.

It's definitely judging and actually quite rude. I was a young mum and obviously in a different situation that you but it's really no one else's business. I chose to have my child and none need Tom, dick and Harry butting In. Congratulations! And just try to ignore them and enjoy your pregnancy as much as possible xx

Don't*

How many children to you have already? You say this is your first one together, but do you have some already? If so, they may just not know how much money and space you have spare.

It isn't the nicest way for someone to react to news of a new grandchild though! It's traditional to be excited and say congratulations

Thank you mummyof1 this is how I feel!
as adults if we chose to have a baby we have clearly made choices financially and otherwise, so what business is it of others!
My family haven’t made the slightest dig, we’ve been overrun with congratulations all around and no concerns. But dh family are more interested in our income than welcoming another grandchild.

"How many children to you have already? You say this is your first one together, but do you have some already?"

It is literally the first line of her OP! ???

We both have one each from previous relationships, my dd age 5 and his dd age 7. We have a nice house with plenty of space to welcome another child so I’m still trying to work out where their concerns stem from.

OMFG what a silly sausage I am?????!!!!!!! Thank god you were here

These are particularly negative, arsehole judgy questions though.

Nice, supportive questions include 'when are you due?', 'how are you feeling?' and 'how can we help with the existing kids/when the baby arrives?'

You say that they were happy for you and supportive when you first announced the news, which sounds great.

The rest just sounds like normal conversation to me, and as long as they are not actually expecting an in-depth description of how you will manage, I'd not read anything into it.

I was only 17 so expected a lot of stigma from friends which of course I lost some but rarely had a nasty comment made. However, my mums best friend was extremely nasty and didn't have one nice comment to make. Unless they are birthing and bringing them up, they have no right to make a comment no matter how they may feel about it- and that goes for close family too! Xx

It’s strange but clearly coming from a place of concern, I’m assuming due to the past debt they cleared for him.

Guessing you have a 4 bed house so now step or half siblings have to share? If so, I don’t know why they’re worried unless they know something you don’t about your partners finances

The questions are very simply answered.

Do they know you work?

Just politely let them know that they don’t need to worry about anything except being happy for you.

Refusing to visit is OTT and will escalate bad feeling.

Have they been to your house?

it’s very odd if you live in a big house with space for another kid for them to say but where will you live?

Thanks all. We’ve been married for almost 3 years and bought our house during the pandemic. They visit often so they know we have plenty of space. I can afford the house, bills and children on my wage alone. They know this. Their initial reaction was smiling and shock, we told them the due date and how happy we were. They then proceeded to ask those questions. It changed the atmosphere of the room entirely, they are irrelevant questions and I felt uncomfortable being on the spot and questioned over if I can afford my children and if I can put a roof over their head. Im not sure whether I should mention how I feel to them as I know it’ll boil up and make me resentful.

It’s all gone rather quickly. You say they were shocked when you told them about the baby but you bought a house and got married during a global pandemic with numerous lockdowns and can’t have been together very long beforehand.

How many bedrooms does your house have?

Where will you live?!

Bizarre! I mean presumably you live somewhere now.

Weirdos the lot of them.

It's a bit rude I guess but I do think you've overreacted. If they know DH has had an unmanageable debt in the past then it's understandable that they might be concerned.

Do you have enough bedrooms so none of the DCs will have to share? I'm not necessarily saying sharing is a bad thing but maybe they are concerned about this?